Well. Here we are, almost at the end of 2012, and I think we can all agree that it’s been… uhhhh… kind of A Year. I’d be hard-pressed to tell you the worst part. Between the deaths and the illnesses, the various miscellaneous crises and the broken bones, I think it’s safe to say that 2012 is pretty much my least favorite year of… well, ever. (Beating out the year my first marriage imploded, even. It was a bad year, folks.)

Part of me wants to curl up and mourn the massive hit my business took this year, and part of me wants to pat myself on the back for still having a business, given everything that’s happened this year. But then I think I hardly deserve that pat, either, because the nature of many of this year’s crises meant that letting the business go under wasn’t ever an option (financially, anyway).

Now that we’re at the end of the year, I’m ready to look forward and try to figure out what comes next. Only this year, it feels so very different from years past.
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When I first started freelancing—eight years ago, now—I had a state-of-the-art Sony Vaio laptop that weighed about seven pounds. (It’s okay, you can laugh. I don’t mind. It is pretty hilarious to think about, now.) I did most of my work on that laptop, in the beginning, and most often while sitting in my bed, late at night, after my kids had gone down for the night.

As time went on and it became clear that I was actually going to make a go of this freelancing thing, I moved to a desk in the corner of the family room. The kids could play and I could keep an eye on them and continue to work. Sort of. And once they were both in school I could work at the desk in blessed silence.

When I moved to Georgia five and a half years ago, I was excited to finally have a proper office. Oh, sure, my from-a-kit desk didn’t fare too well on the move—the hutch bowed in the center and was never quite right again—and I was sharing the space with my new husband, but still. An office! Like a grown-up! This was the start of a new chapter for me, both personally and professionally, and I felt rather heady with the possibilities.

And then, of course, life set back in.
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My strength is writing, not math; this is why I have an accountant. It didn’t take long for me to figure out that the key to running my own business was going to be figuring out who I needed to help me. So, back to my accountant: he is very patient with me. Some aspects of bookkeeping and payroll taxes and such I’ve picked up easily, and other things involve him trying really hard not to laugh at me as I sit in his office, asking for the umpteenth time which form it is he needs me to fill out on the state treasury site. (I am a fun client to have, I bet. Ha.)

Anyway, one of the things I didn’t have that much trouble digesting as I came into this world of business taxes is that certain expenditures are deductible, and that’s a good thing. I keep meticulous records, now, after my first few years being a little less, shall we say, stringent. (”I bought some stuff for my office. That’s deductible, right? … receipts? I… hmmm.”) It’s all good now.

And this is a very long prelude to admitting that I got a shiny new iPhone 5 this week. Not because I always want or have to have the latest-and-greatest (I was upgrading from an iPhone 4, not a 4S, because when those came around I kind of shrugged and said, “Yeah, I’m good”), but because periodically it makes good business sense. This year has been dismal, financially, and so it turned out that this month was a great time to spend some money. No, really.
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It’s the most wonderful time of the year! I mean, I assume it is for someone. Most people I know actually get pretty stressed out about the holidays—contrary to the “peace, love, and good cheer” hype—but when you work in a field that makes December one of your busiest months, it can sometimes feel like everyone else is getting ready for a party while you’re chained to your desk. (Pity party, table of one, please.)

December is always a hard month for me, work-wise. I work longer hours than usual, at just the time when I would rather be with my family. This particular December, I am really struggling. Due to multiple work hiatuses this year, this is really my kick-it-into-gear last chance to get some solid income in before the year’s end. We’re not traveling this year, which is both a relief (because the only thing worse than working through the holidays is working through the holidays while traveling) and a disappointment. My daughter is coming home for her first visit since moving in with her father, and that is wonderful, but I don’t want to feel like I have to work-work-work while she’s here.

Basically I am out of sorts in every possible way. But I’m going to take a page from my son’s playbook to try to get myself back into the right frame of mind.
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