Whenever someone wants to talk to me about my career as a writer, they invariably want to know how I got started, what my plan was, and/or if I “always knew” I wanted to write.

I seem to end up answering these questions in bits and pieces. Have I “always” been a writer? Sure, if you count journaling, rambling letters and/or emails, and the fact that I’ve always enjoyed putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard). It’s something I’ve always done in one form or another. But did I always plan to be a writer? Of course not. That’s not a practical career goal, you know. No, when I went to college, I planned to be an actress.

Stop laughing.

It’s true. Right up until my senior year, my plan was to get my degree in theater and then move to New York City and go on cattle calls until I hit it big and lived happily ever after. Or something. Only, I discovered that I had no desire to live in New York City (or any other giant city), and also that I probably didn’t have the patience and perseverance to try to “make it in the biz” when I’d already spent years being told by my theater professors that I wasn’t pretty enough to get good roles, anyway. (This is true—both that I was told that, and that it was the truth.)
Read the rest of this entry

Those of us in the writing profession love lists. We love how-tos, must-dos, and both bulleted and numbered lists of things to avoid, steps to take, and ways to flourish in this biz. It makes sense, I guess… but I always find myself coming back to the idea that it’s good to know the rules, so that you can decide when you want to break them.

It boils down to this: There’s rarely just One True Way to do something. If you’re a newbie and you’re trying to learn the ropes of the business, by all means, read the lists. Take notes, even. But remember that people are people, which is to say that people are different and make different choices, and what’s the right path for someone else may not be the right path for you.

Learn the rules so that you can figure out which ones you don’t intend to follow. Because I promise that—just as following them all doesn’t guarantee you success—breaking a few doesn’t spell your doom, just so long as you’re mindful about what you do and don’t want to do.
Read the rest of this entry

Last week I stopped writing.

Not completely, of course. I have clients, I have contractual work to deliver. I continued writing where I had to. I continued writing about the things that matter less to me; stuff that has nothing to do with how I’m feeling or what I’m thinking.

For almost eight years I’ve maintained a personal blog, and it’s been my refuge to work out my talky impulses when it comes to sorting through things. That blog has seen me through the majority of my kids’ lives (and trials and tribulations therein), several romantic relationships (and lack thereof), remarriage, relocation, everything. Everything. Before that, I journaled. For most of my life. Writing about my life has been central to my existence for a long time.

And last week I looked at the “New Post” screen and just couldn’t do it.
Read the rest of this entry

There’s a school of thought that says that information is best conveyed in a numbered list of items. (I’ve also read/heard that those lists should always contain an odd number of items, but that may be a bit more controversial.) As a lifelong rambler who never writes a sentence when a half-dozen paragraphs will do, the list thing isn’t something I do too often. (I should probably try doing it more.) I do find it a fabulous way to garner lots of little informational tidbits in a short amount of time, though.

Translation: I am not succinct, but I appreciate it when others are. Heh.

Anyway, in the spirit of the whole new-year-self-improvement kind of thing, I figured that as January is winding down, now, I’d direct you to a few master list-makers who’ve piqued my interest lately. If you’re looking for the best bang-for-your-buck mileage out of some blogging advice, check out these lists from people smarter—and more succinct—than I:
Read the rest of this entry

I feel like I’ve written about this before… possibly because I’ve, y’know, written about this before. In fact, a quick poke through the archives here revealed that years ago, after appearing on The Today Show, I felt quite invaded to suddenly have so many people interested in how much money I make. I tend to be a private person, and I was raised to believe you don’t just go around asking people about their finances. Now, I absolutely believe in freelancers forming a helpful community where like-minded folks can learn from and help each other, and in that context, I think talking about money is logical and a good idea. But just general sort of “what do you make?” kinds of things? I find that tacky.

(This comes as a huge shock to you, I know.)

Anyone who has ever formed any sort of working relationship with me knows that I have no problem discussing business in a business or mentoring context. But now I’m wondering if “honesty” and “transparency”—qualities I think are necessary for success in this line of work—should extend to one’s financials.
Read the rest of this entry

There’s no shortage of advice out there on how to deal with That Commenter. You know the one—he or she starts out with a few back-handed compliments in response to a post or two, and then the day comes when they’ve simply had enough. In a sentence or six they outline why you are the wrongest of the very wrong, your children will grow up to hate you, your spouse probably rues the day you married, and how you will die alone because everything you touch is tainted. (This is different than constructive disagreement, by the way. Not everyone who disagrees with you is mean and inappropriate. This post is just about the folks who really overstep bounds, get personal, and attack.)

This is part of living a semi-public life (which any writer who ever talks about anything personal is doing, intentionally or not). There are people out there that view any willingness to share personal stories as any or all of the following:
A) Your entire life laid transparent, a complete story with no missing pieces,
B) Permission to judge you,
C) An invitation to relive personal baggage, related to you or not,
D) An opportunity to unload vitriol.

Lots of people have great ideas on how to deal with this when it happens.
Read the rest of this entry

In the midst of the “most wonderful time of the year,” when we should all be trimming trees or menorahs (hey, I know people don’t trim menorahs) (nor do I believe everyone is Judeo-Christian) (just go with me here, okay?), another community uproar has broken out over freelance writers and payment.

Specifically, there’s been a lot of discussion generated by the announcement of REDBOOK’s new “Motherboard,” a panel of bloggers who will be writing for them free of charge.

There’s been so much chatter about this already, I’m not going to subject you to my own long-winded commentary on this. Plenty of people have already covered a lot of what I would say, probably with less flailing around than I would likely do. But if you haven’t been following along—or would like to make sure you see several different takes on it—let’s take a look.
Read the rest of this entry

We talk a lot about balance, ’round here. Work/life balance. Mother/wife balance. Mother/person balance. Balance is not an unfamiliar concept to anyone trying to manage a career and a life at the same time.

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about this balance as it pertains to being a woman and solopreneur, generally, and how it pertains to being a woman and a writer, in particular.

Now before I go any further I will hasten to point out that I admire lots and lots of male writers as well, and nothing I’m about to say is designed to indicate that only women do what I’m about to discuss. I’m just going to talk about woman because, well, I am one and I know that for me it’s a big part of what I bring to the table as a writer.
Read the rest of this entry

“The most wonderful thing about being a freelance writer is that I can work anywhere.” I wish I had a nickel for every time I’ve said that to someone. Especially now, when I’m realizing it’s such a dirty lie.

Oh, sure, technically it’s true—I have my laptop, I have a wireless internet connection, and I can sit down and so some where almost anywhere, provided that I have those with me. Yes. And I do… sometimes. But the bulk of my work is done here at my desk, in my office, which is how I like it.

And right now my office is trying to kill me. And by “trying to kill me” I of course mean “surrounded by noisy contractor wielding saws and pneumatic nail guns and heavy boots.”

Yay for home improvement! Boo for trying to work from home while it’s happening!
Read the rest of this entry

To me there is probably no single more distasteful aspect of being a professional blogger than some of the weird proposals I receive in my email. Because naturally, making my living writing online, I would love to (take your pick of any or all of the following): write for you for free, let you publish your canned content on my site, advertise for you for free, highlight your product that no one cares about, tell my readers about a great opportunity that no one cares about, or otherwise just do whatever you—a complete stranger—ask of me because clearly I can’t generate content on my own.

Yeah.

Obviously not everyone is going to end up with an unbelievably entertaining story from every marketing disaster (see: The Bloggess’ recent adventure), but still, I think this recent encounter bears discussing, because I think it happens more often than we maybe realize. I know I only caught on at first completely by accident, and then did some digging.

But let’s start at the beginning, shall we?
Read the rest of this entry