Being the boss can be gratifying and at the same time fraught with emotions that aren’t always on the positive side of the spectrum. Don’t get me wrong: I would not change owning my own business and being my own boss for anything else in the work world. However, now that we’re looking to bring on full- and part-time employees, I’m realizing just how challenging being a boss can be.

One thing I know is that I’m a kind and fair boss. Which is saying a lot given that 10 years ago, I was the Boss From Hell.

Ten years ago, I was running my first company, and I was in a bad place in my life despite being in an excellent place with my company, at least on the surface. Although I still don’t have a full picture of how my employees at the time saw me, I get bits and pieces as I reconnect with some of them over time, and the picture is not pretty.

Some suitable words to describe me as a boss at that time would be:

• impatient
• paranoid
• angry
• frustrated
• bitchy
• demanding
• irrational
• emotional
• disempowering
• unpredictable
• insensitive

All of these qualities were probably how I came across to the 20 plus women and men in my employ, however, the truth was far more complicated. I share this now not just for my own catharsis and to apologize yet again to my former staff: I am truly sorry for the way I behaved. But I also reveal the following to let anyone know - boss, future boss, or someone with a boss - that the reason bosses can seem like they are from hell could be because they are going through their own hell themselves.

Behind the Scenes of Being the Boss

Here’s what was actually going on with me a decade ago while I struggled to be boss.

1. Fearful. I didn’t know what I was doing. I had never run a business before. I would have been better suited as the Director of Communications or Marketing Director than be expected to run a fast-growing company with no experience at all. I know other people do it all the time and succeed at it. But I didn’t WANT to do it. I was so afraid of failure that I tried to control everything and couldn’t delegate without feeling terrified.

2. Lacking in Self Esteem. Despite all of the successes I was experiencing, especially “on paper” in the press, I was certain I was a loser, a farce, a failure. The only thing that made me feel good about myself was when I truly influenced other women and girls to use technology, and I cherished every one of thousands of emails I received from people around the world saying how much I’d encouraged them, inspired them. Those missives helped me believe for a moment that I could do something good in the world.

3. Disempowered. I was in a very weak place when I owned my first company. I had a boyfriend who controlled my every move including what I wore, what I could and couldn’t say to others, who I could associate with, everything. He also controlled my business. On many occasions, major companies expressed interest in partnering with my company or buying it outright, however, they would take me aside every time and say “but only if you get rid of your business partner.” I couldn’t do it. I never did.

4. Embarrassed. Knowing that I stood on podiums around the world talking about women’s empowerment and women on the Internet was embarrassing knowing how I didn’t have control over my own life or company. On the rare moments that I reached out for help - and in some cases had people rally around me to kick my business partner out of my company - I couldn’t go through with it and shrunk back into myself, mortified that I couldn’t be stronger.

Those are just a few of the dynamics of my tenure as boss of my first company. I am not trying to make any excuses for my behavior. We all have to take responsibility for our choices and our actions.

But I just think it is important for anyone struggling with things that have a negative affect on their ability to be a good, fair and kind boss to rethink being in a position where they are the boss of others. Being a boss, like it or not, is kind of like being a parent. If you can’t do your absolute best when managing other people, just don’t do it. Find another job. Put someone else in charge. Because bosses can have such deep impacts on the people in their employ, and no one should take that responsibility lightly.

These days, I’m in a good relationship with a loving husband. I have an excellent business partner who is the perfect complement to me and also a long-term, trusted friend. We have several people we are working with who we want to hire as our core team and they are amazing and talented individuals. I work hard to listen to them, to be fair with them, and to empower them.

I want to be the kind of boss that I would want to have if I ever took a regular job again. And I swear I’ll never be the Boss from Hell again. If so, please call me on it.

Have you ever had or have you ever been The Boss From Hell? How did you handle the situation?

It’s always uplifting to read a success story. It’s also inspiring to read about a woman who started a business for the “right” reasons and shares the rewards of her success by giving back. Recently, Problogger Gina Blitstein, interviewed Amy Nichols, CEO and founder of Dogtopia, a franchise of upscale doggie daycare/overnight care/spa/training and boutique locations across the country.

Amy left a high-power corporate career to follow her heart and make her life the life she wanted. Here’s are some of her insights as an entrepreneur and mom as she turned her vision into her reality.

WIM: What factors made you first consider going into business for yourself?

Amy: I wanted to fulfill a dream of having a business and working every day with something I love. I also knew that I wanted to have a family when I started Dogtopia so having that flexibility would prove to be a big factor. In fact, both of my sons ended up coming to work with me for the first six months or so, which was great. I literally had a pack-and-play and swing in my office. I would turn on classical music in my office for them to sleep. At one of my locations, I had a baby monitor in the front of the building for when I was working with staff. If you truly want to be flexible, start your own business.

WIM: Were you a mom then?

Amy: I found out I was pregnant with my first son on the one-year anniversary of me starting Dogtopia.

WIM: What were the 3 biggest positive changes in your life once you left the corporate world behind?

Amy:

1. Ability to Solve Problems: When I recognize a problem or challenge, I need to fix it. In the corporate world, I would recognize challenges all the time. You could talk with someone about it, but you couldn’t change it, which was always very frustrating to me. I made a commitment to myself that when I had my own business, I’d never have that attitude. I don’t get stressed by the problem or challenge; I get stressed at the inability to fix it.
2. Passion for My Job: Being at Dogtopia, I get to work with people who are here because they love their job, People don’t work here unless they really love dogs, which is more fulfilling to me and a way I connect with everyone here. We love dogs and we all want them to have a high quality of life. People who are working at telecom company, for example, aren’t there for their love of telecommunications. Having a common passion with co-workers is very fulfilling.
3. Setting Goals: I love that I’m now able to me more achievement-oriented and set my own goals. With sales, there is a quota for the goals. I can set expectations where I want them to be with Dogtopia.

WIM: What were the three biggest challenges in your life as you struck out on your own?

Amy:

1. Financial Adjustment: Financially, you have to make sacrifices when you’re starting your own business. For me, I had to give up driving a nice car and buying fancy clothes without thinking twice.
2. Time with Family/Friends: Spending quality time with family and friends was hard for me at the beginning. Before starting Dogtopia, I had a fairly busy social life. My “going out” was cut down about 90 percent. Happy Hour was a thing of the past – I was now taking care of people’s dogs during their happy hour. I didn’t feel like I was missing out, but it was a huge adjustment. For Thanksgiving in 2002, we were five months in to the business. My entire family came to Dogtopia and we had Thanksgiving Dinner at the store – along with 30 dogs.
3. Securing a Loan: In 2001 it was very difficult to get a loan. Being a first-time business owner, banks were unsure of me and unsure of a business that took care of people’s dogs. Dogtopia was a new kind of business. It was the seventh bank that finally gave me a loan. I didn’t give up until someone said “yes.”

WIM: How does being an entrepreneur mom affect your family’s schedule and priorities? Tell me your thoughts about balancing life/family/work.

Amy: The only negative thing is that I often feel like I don’t have enough time to be involved with school as I’d like. I can’t just take a day off out of the blue – I have to plan around it in advance. The good thing is that my husband is able to pick up where I can’t. He also works for Dogtopia as the vice president of franchise development and his role is more flexible to work from home.

Something that’s really fun for our family is all the travel because of Dogtopia. My 5 ½ year-old son Aidan has been to 8 Dogtopia grand openings throughout the U.S. in places such as California and North Carolina. We wouldn’t travel as much if it wasn’t for Dogtopia.

WIM: What do your children learn from having a mom who is an entrepreneur?

Amy: From what I can tell, I think they see that men and women can both equally do whatever they want to do. My son doesn’t know the difference between what my husband and I do. He doesn’t separate that. I think it sets a great example of showing equality. If you try and work hard can do or accomplish anything you’d like.

WIM: You care for dogs whose families are busy during the day. Are your children in day care while you work? If so, what were your requirements in choosing the right care for your children. How were they the same/different than the care you provide for your client’s dogs?

Amy: My standards are pretty high. My son Aidan is in Kindergarten now and we went to a private school so that he could stay later in the day. We went with a private school so that he could stay late in the day. Both of my sons also attended a private pre-school and what I really related to was that the principal is truly the “face” of the business, just like Dogtopia franchises. It was important to me that she knew me and my children and had their best interests in mind. It was clear to me that the staff at this school loved children. It’s the same thing at Dogtopia – we all work here because we love dogs and we try to make them happy during the day.

WIM: How do you take care of yourself without losing your identity into your professional persona?

One of the things I’ve learned from husband is separating work and family time. With my enthusiasm for Dogtopia, I want to talk about it all the time – even at home or family events. My husband likes to minimize it and would rather talk about the kids or our family when we’re at home or spending time with other family members. When we get home until the kids go to bed, it’s all about family. We also don’t work on the weekends unless we have to.

Amy: When you can’t do it all, is it easy or difficult for you to delegate?

In the beginning it was really hard, since I hadn’t had a lot of experience managing people in a retail environment. I used to be the one cleaning the bathrooms because it was hard to delegate and I felt guilty asking someone else to do that job. I’ve finally learned that if I am cleaning the bathroom now, I am not paying the bills or working to market Dogtopia. I’ve come a long way! Now I realize that I need to work on what I am good at.

WIM: What do you know about yourself now that you didn’t know before you became an entrepreneur?

Amy: I’m truly amazed it’s been eight years and I am still as enthusiastic as Day One. I often wonder if I was always this way. When I was in high school, I always had to do better than everyone else, which is kind of how I approached this business. I am continually looking for ways to improve. Along the way, I have also learned a lot about finance and legal issues as well. My capacity to learn was more than I thought. I took accounting in college and dropped the class. Now – I love looking at financial statements because it applies to my business. The better I understand the better I can run the business.

WIM: In your opinion, is everyone cut out to be an entrepreneur? What qualities are most beneficial to an entrepreneur?

Amy: No, everyone is not cut out to be one. You don’t have to be “born” an entrepreneur, but there are certain qualities you have to possess. You must be intrinsically motivated. You must have an internal drive to do better. You’re either born that way or you’re not. You have to be your own cheerleader.

WIM: If for some reason your business hadn’t succeeded, what would you be doing for a living today?

Amy: This is a funny question because for a long time I had a saying hanging in my office that read, “Failure is Not an Option.” The first six months of this business were really hard. Since it was quick, it was just more about pushing forward. If I weren’t running Dogtopia, I would be running something else, which is almost impossible to imagine.

WIM: As a successful businessperson, why is it important for you to give to charities such as the K-9 Support?

Amy: I grew up doing charitable work with my family, so working with a non-profit was such an easy choice. K-9 Support helped us take it to the next level. We didn’t want the money to go somewhere that wasn’t “relatable” to our cause. Washington DC also has a huge military presence so the military is always on our minds. *Editorial Note: K-9 Support is a charity that supports working dogs who assist the military, the hearing and sight impaired, the police, explorers and search and rescue efforts.

WIM: What will be your legacy - as a mom, as a business person, as a human being? Has being an entrepreneur shaped your vision of that?

Amy: I hope it will be that I grew something that benefitted other people. Franchising Dogtopia makes sense for my business – but the bigger picture is that I have helped other people get a business open that they really cared about. I constantly get e-mail from franchisees who thank me for setting them up with this opportunity.

Amy has made a huge success of her big idea. Hers is the story of a visionary who saw what she wanted and went for it, regardless of the sacrifices, changes and substantial risks involved. She’s a successful entrepreneur, woman, wife and mother. It can be done: Amy is proof of that.

What risks and challenges are you willing to undergo to create the life you want for yourself?

This morning, I couldn’t get the theme song of the movie Ghostbusters out of my head. Then it occurred to me that any business - and especially any startup business - could really use a Ghostbuster now and then. In the case of startups, it can actually be more often than not!

Here are some of the things you may be encountering with some tips and suggestions on what type of “ghostbuster” to get.

1. Cash Flow Crunch

Finding that there isn’t always enough cash before the next bit of money comes in? That’s a very common issue for any startup business, but if you aren’t a startup, you may not have someone properly watching the influx of cash or managing the outflow.

Who you gonna call? A strategic CPA can take a look at your numbers, identify patterns - both good and bad - and make recommendations that could help unstick the stuck parts of your cash that isn’t flowing properly.

2. Personnel Issue

“Lots of entrepreneurs are hesitant to add employees to the payroll,” says Adelaide Lancaster, co-founder, in good company workplaces. “Often employees seem to cost more time and money than they are worth.”

However since your company’s success is dependent on you focusing on what you do best and finding other people to fill in the gaps, says Lancaster, it may be in your best interest to bite the bullet and bring on some help.

“The right resources can make all the difference for you as boss, so make sure you do it right!”

Who you gonna call?

According to Lancaster, a reputable and reliable Payroll Company can make sure everyone gets paid – including the government plus an HR consultant or outsourced HR company who will make sure you are in compliance with the most recent laws and regulations and who can help you provide better health care coverage by pooling your firm with their other clients. If you are dealing with a personnel issue specifically, contact a Leadership and Management Coach - especially if managing people is something that you haven’t enjoyed in the past - to help manage a situation and hone you leadership style, a crucial part of any company culture.

3. Growing Pains

“Growing is important and necessary for any business, (but) if you’re growing too fast or too slowly, your business needs a strategy,” says Tery Spataro, veteran Digital Strategist.

Who you gonna call?

A Business Consultant can help you evaluate your overall business strategy and help you determine your company’s direction, says Spataro.

4. Legal Dispute

Someone else is infringing on your trademark. Or somebody has breached a contract with you, but you’re not sure what to do next. Whatever the legal issues, remember that there are legal ramifications that you as a business owner might not be able to anticipate.

Who you gonna call?

You need a good lawyer, particularly one who knows your industry well so they can help you anticipate potential pitfalls and set up your legal paperwork in a way to nip legal problems in the bud. They can also be there for you when you’re faced with a legal snafu that is over your head. Choose a legal advisor you can genuinely trust.

5. Work Burnout

Work burnout is prevalent especially when economy is bad, says Spataro. “Longer hours means less enthusiasm and motivation for what was once loved.”

Lancaster attributes some burnout to not being sure what road to take in your business (and life).

Says Lancaster, “Every business has multiple possible outcomes; the difficult part is knowing which option is right for you, based on your goals and motivations. Once you are clear which option best meets your needs you need to find the most financial strategic way to achieve that plan.”

Who you gonna call?

Both Lancaster and Spataro suggest calling a Business or Career Coach who will help retool and inspire you to a new direction in your life and career. She also adds a Yoga Master to help you work out the kinks and get you moving around and breathing. Oxygen is key when your brain is losing focus!

No matter what you are experiencing in business today, there is someone out there who can be YOUR ghostbuster.

Who is one of your top ghostbusters who has helped your company at a critical time? Share your stories here!

Gina Blitstein, offers up simple, yet effective, solutions to common problems women entrepreneurs face and the stresses they can lead to.

Recently an Internet friend of mine, “C” bemoaned the loss of her personal identity. She admitted she’d been feeling overwhelmed and as though her life was not her own. I, being the helpful sort, concluded that C must not be the only person feeling like she is a stranger to herself. So I decided to put my research skills to task on the problem and see what advice exists to help C and others in the same boat regain their sense of self.

C is a forty-something married lady with children and a job. She is my Internet friend, so other than those superficial things, I don’t know a lot about her. As far as I can tell from Twitter, she has a snappy sense of humor, a great attitude about her family and an affinity for chocolate-covered cherries. Her appreciation of her husband and soft spot for puppies is charming. In other words, she is a woman who could be our neighbor, best friend, sister or ourselves. Let’s help C find herself.

We tend to lose ourselves as we become swallowed up by life’s responsibilities. Some we have no control over and some are self-imposed. Often it seems easier to give of ourselves - even to the point of giving ourselves away - than to make the hard choices that could leave us with our identity intact.

Dena Marie Patton, Speaker, Author, Life Coach and CEO, offers these ten tips on how to create empowering boundaries that will allow more of “you” to shine through:

1. Honor yourself by setting realistic limits for yourself.
2. Practice saying no (gracefully).
3. Practice checking ‘in’ with your boundaries before you say yes to anything.
4. Protect your most important areas of your life by setting boundaries around them (like a fence around a garden).
5. Try not to get consumed in 1 or 2 roles (i.e. business owner, wife, mother) step out of that role daily even just for a few minutes.
6. Invest in your future by keeping yourself balanced, healthy and focused on what is important.
7. Practice coming from your center. Your center is the most powerful place and when you get pulled in a million different directions you end up far from your center and ‘winging’ it, which is exhausting.
8. Promise not to ’should’ on yourself. Eliminate the word should from your vocabulary.
9. Train people to honor your boundaries by honoring them yourself, first.
10. Surround yourself with people who empower and honor you and your goals.

The real challenge is to admit that we may have allowed our identities to slip away. Of course we never meant for it to happen but one day we wake up and wonder where we are beneath all the hats and masks we wear.

So, how do we find ourselves when we are feeling lost - adrift at sea, miles from the self we used to know?

Ian Coburn, author of the upcoming book, “Choice - The Meaning of Life: How to Have More and Better Choices in Business, Relationships, Government and Life,” suggests we reflect on these key questions to reconnect with our inner self:

* What do you need?
* What’s important to you?
* What are your responsibilities?
* What are your limitations?

Ian believes that it is when you feel out of touch with your self and your needs, that you are most susceptible to feeling that you are not in control of your own life. You’ve “weakened your immunity” so to speak, and allowed other things to overshadow your sense of self.

The core of ourselves - the “I” has simply got to remain the focus of our life. It is not selfish to take care of ourselves. When we do, we have the energy and the self-confidence to be our most effective. The most important role to play is that of ourselves.

Have you lost the “I” in your life?