Problogger, Gina Blitstein, takes the opportunity to help a friend gain control over her hectic life.

Do you feel overwhelmed by your life? Do you feel as if it is swallowing you up or crushing the “you” out of you? My Internet friend, “C” does. C is probably much like a lot of the women you know. She currently finds herself feeling like a stranger to herself and to her life. She plays the roles of a mom, a wife, a daughter, an employee, a concerned citizen…but when does she get to be C, the woman who loves to write and knit, read and play games on her iPhone?

Her obligations attached to her many roles pull her this way and that. Her life, she says, is running her. Obviously it should be the other way around but how do we take the wheel and steer our own life when factors all around us seem to conspire to run us aground?

C wants to take control but she doesn’t want to be rigid about it. She simply wants to feel like she has some choices and some “say” about how she spends the precious hours of her precious days.

How did C get in this situation in the first place? No one dragged her, kicking and screaming, to this bustling existence in which she finds herself. She made choices and with them came responsibilities, right?

Sometimes, however, we believe we’ve made choices when we really haven’t.

Ian Coburn, author of the upcoming book, “Choice - The Meaning of Life: How to Have More and Better Choices in Business, Relationships, Government and Life” says that we often do things because we believe them to be the “appropriate” thing - not because we’ve freely chosen to do them. He proposes that as humans we tend to unthinkingly fall into the belief that there is a “proper” cycle to life, especially as an adult: job/college - career - marriage - children/family - divorce. We often unthinkingly follow that course for our life, believing we are making choices when, in reality we are following a pre-ordained cycle of behavior that few question.

Ian challenges us to seriously consider each step of our life, realizing that each is not a given. We can have love without marriage; marriage without children; children without marriage. We can go to college later in life and change careers ad infinitum. Ian maintains that by realizing that we have more options available than those that are ingrained in us as “proper,” we can make choices that are more personally suitable. That, Ian says, is the first step to feeling in control because true choice comes from a place of strength.

When we make choices that are personally relevant, we will automatically feel more in control.

You’ll want to bolster that sense of control by being aware of some basic truths. Take care to safeguard your psyche, Ian reminds us, by realizing the following:

• You are the only person responsible for your happiness. Only you know what you want and what will make you happy; hence, only you can guarantee action to pursue what you want and happiness.
• The only person you have to live with is you. If your mom annoys you, you don’t have to talk to her. You can divorce your spouse if your marriage falls apart. You can change your friends. You can quit your job or transfer. The only person you can’t get away from is yourself. You damn well better make sure you make yourself a top priority, then.
• People only have the power over you that you give them. People can’t control you unless you let them.
• You will die. The clock is ticking. Your happiness and what you want are regulated by an expiration date; hence, tomorrow is not another day—tomorrow is today’s backup plan.

So my friend C can rest assured that there are things she can do to regain her sense self. Take charge of your decisions and take care of yourself. That’s the prescription for taking and maintaining control of your life. When you are living your authentic life, you are best suited to take on the responsibilities that are part and parcel of the choices you make.

What factors govern the choices you make in your life?