I watched a beautiful video yesterday that asked moms what advice they would give themselves if they could go back in time to right before their first child was born.  The video was a gorgeous montage of varied answers that ranged from “sleep now” to “forgive yourself”.  My personal favorite was a sign that read “you are the expert”.

It got me thinking about other times in my life when I could have used some advice from women who had gone before me: my first day at a new school, the last day I went to college, our first argument after my wedding, that time I thought I could pull off the pixie haircut .  All of these moments could have been made just a little easier with some words of encouragement and wisdom.

Another milestone in my life as a woman, specifically as a working mother, when I could have used a little hand holding was when I went back to work after having my babies.  Ouch.  The heartbreak of dropping them off, the giddiness at having adult conversations during the day, the guilt at enjoying adult conversations and being overly tired at night; I was not prepared for either return to the workforce.

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Who among us would not love to work less and play more?  Wouldn’t it be fantastic if we could replace pointless meetings with our favorite hobbies?  What would you do to create a Utopian world with no unnecessary client calls or annoying “reply all” emails?  Would you lie?  Stretch the truth?

I’m currently listening to the audiobook version of The 4-Hour Workweek by Tim Ferriss.  I’m intrigued by the idea of being able to earn an income in less time, especially since I’ll be needing to earn an income while my family travels around the United States for a year.  After all, it’d be great if I actually got to see some of the places we’ll be visiting.  Mr. Ferriss promises that it’s possible to be productive and profitable in one tenth of the time most Americans allot for work.

He also suggests that you can save yourself a lot of time if you tell a few half truths here and there.

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The only thing worse than attending a meeting is trying to schedule one.

If you work in one of those offices where the boss walks into a room and announces, “everyone in the sales room at 4!”, then you may simply hate meetings.  If, however, you have ever had to respond to 38 emails in an effort to coordinate one meeting between 2 or more people - you get what I’m throwin’ down.

Enter: Tungle.me

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The summer break is over, our children are home from vacation, and the family is officially back into the routine of a dual income household with two school aged children.

Like most families, we do what we have to do to get everything done.  My husband and I rely on organizational systems that make sense for us, make compromises about what hast to get done and what can wait for another day, and practice a whole lot of cooperation in order to keep everything spinning.

You know what we don’t do?

Talk.

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Although many business books have advised it, I’ve never found the nerve to go and get myself a mentor.  Something about asking someone to give of their time and wisdom so freely - emphasis on free - causes me to break out in guilty hives.

What I have done, instead, is found myself a handful of role models.

Most of them don’t know that I watch them.  And I assure you, that’s not nearly as creepy as it sounds.  But it’s accurate.  I watch their work from afar, taking note of how they interact with people and the things they are able to create.  I’m not getting insider tips, but I’m paying closer attention than most and picking up on tiny details most people miss.

It’s like watching the guy in the back corner of the Broadway show I saw last week.  The rest of the audience was captivated by the lead, but I was fascinated by the swinger in the back, hitting every step perfectly despite the fact that 90% of the theater couldn’t even see him.

But I digress.  Role models.

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When I was a little girl, I wanted to grow up and work in an office.  I wanted to put on high heels and nylons every single day and carry a briefcase.  I wanted to commute.

And I wanted to stride through the airport with my suitcase in one hand and frequent flyer card in the other, headed out on another very important business trip.  Traveling for business has always sounded so glamorous to me.

And then I grew up and went to work in an office.

I had to wear high heels.  And nylons. And it didn’t matter that it was too hot for nylons or that flip flops were the only thing that could have made a 12 hour work day more comfortable.  I had to commute.

And I had to travel for work.

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I was talking strategy with a female colleague recently, and she gave me a piece of advice that struck me as being something that could only come from a woman.

“I think the important thing is to enjoy yourself,” she said, “because that’s when your intuition comes out.”

We weren’t talking about relationships.  We weren’t talking about office politics or how to treat people in the workplace.  We were talking about money and business strategy and things that could be profitable vs. things that may not be.

Things that have not, at least in my professional experience, always been associated with intuition.

The word intuition comes up a lot in my personal conversations with female friends.  We talk about needing to listen to it more or lament the times we have not listened to it enough, or perhaps were misdirected by it.  We are, as women, very familiar with the concept of a gut feeling acting as a guide - in our personal lives.

But the idea of intuition being a tool in business is new to me.

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I am not, by the traditional definition, a “trophy wife”.  I have worked for most of my marriage and I would have utterly failed if I my most important role in this relationship had been to “smile and look pretty”.

However, I have, on occasion, played the role of dutiful wife at my husband’s side for work functions.  Whether it’s a company holiday party, charity dinner, or backyard barbecue at the boss’s house, I am instinctively aware of my job when I accompany my husband to these events.

Make him look good.

That may mean biting my tongue when politics comes up, or playfully giving the boss a hard time about his favorite sports team.  It may not specifically be my job to talk up my husband’s talents and skills, but I compliment him just the same by being polite, charming and appropriately funny.

Is this patriarchal? Misogynistic? Sexist? Antiquated?

Maybe.  No one ever told me to act this way, I just do because that’s what one does.

At least, that’s what one does when they are the wife.

But what about when they are the husband?

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My kids are out of town and my husband and I are making the most of our days off together.  We’ve been to three amusement parks in the ten days, seen four movies in actual movie theaters, and eaten at five or six restaurants.  It’s been like a second honeymoon!

Unfortunately, we both have to hurry back from our weekends to busy work schedules, and I find myself missing out on valuable transition time.  You know, that time between weekend and working when you get your game face back on, make your lists, and generally prepare for the week?

I usually do this weekly planning on Friday afternoon or Saturday night.  If I’ve been especially busy (or lazy), I can do my planning Monday morning.  But with the last few weekends being stretched to three (three and a half) days off, I don’t seem to have a moment to catch my breath and reorganize!  Instead, I’ve tried jumping back into work with both feet.

Guess how well that has been working out.

Not very.

I have to have a game plan for the week.  I need to have a moment to breathe and regroup between play time and work time.  When I don’t get that time, I end accomplishing half the as much work in twice as much time as usual.  Fortunately, the kids will be home in a few weeks and we’ll be back to weekends spent doing homework, catching up on laundry, and watching movies on the couch.

When do you do your weekly planning?  Do you find it’s necessary to stay organized and focused?

“It never hurts to ask,” they tell us.

“You never know unless you ask,” they say.

Although it’s advice that both men and women can benefit from, women especially are repeatedly reminded of the power of asking.  We’re urged to avoid letting our social training to “be nice” interfere with our success in the business world.  We should ask for what we’re worth or, at the very least, what we want.  Over and over again, we’re told stories of people who bravely asked and consequently received more than they could have imagined.  We hear these tales of courage and fortitude and being taken seriously, and we can’t help but think, “what’s the worst that could happen?  They say no?”

Yes, actually.  Sometimes they say no.

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