with Britt Reints
Forget the 9 to 5; Full Time, All the Time is a blog about the mobile working life - when you have the freedom to work from anywhere and the responsibility of always having your smartphone turned on. Britt Reints works as a freelance writer while traveling fulltime in an RV with her husband and two kids. She explores balancing real-life bills with an unconventional work life, and finding time to maintain relationships with family and friends.
You can also find Britt at InPursuitOfHappiness.net.
Categories: Uncategorized, balance, mommy guilt, the 2nd shift, the juggle
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I have a confession.
I’m not one of those supermoms who kicks ass in corporate pumps all day, just to come home and construct a perfect princess castle for my adoring four-year-old with nothing but glitter and love in the evening. I’m not that friend who brings home the bacon, fries it up in a pan, and neverevereverever lets you forget you’re a man. Seriously, I’m not. The truth is, I totally cheat.
Oh, I don’t mean to insinuate that I’m doing anything dishonest. I’m just suggesting that for me, “doing it all” means getting help. In my case, the cheating comes in the form of a housekeeper. Once a week, I have someone who comes to clean my modest home, and I admit to a thrill of coming home to almond-scented floors and sparkling sinks. I know that tradition and society says that I should be the person who cleans my own house (and for most of the week, I do keep the house in order and tidy), but after working 9-hour-days, and coming home to take care of my daughter and husband in the evenings, the thought of spending my weekends cleaning the house sort of galls me. So … I cheat.
What about you — do you cheat? How? Do you get pre-made meals? Frozen dinners? A laundry service?
Come on, you can share. I won’t tell.
I don’t see hiring a housekeeper (or painter or electrician, etc) as cheating — I call it “contracting out” for services. Businesses do it all the time!
KathyG | July 23rd, 2008 at 9:16 am
I have to admit it. I cheat at laundry big time. I usually take my laundry to the laundromat and use their wash and fold services. Sometimes when I walk in to pick up or drop the laundry off, I get this little guilty feeling as if it’s my duty as a mother and wife to slave over laundry (as silly as it may sound!) for hours on end. To be honest I work the usual 9-5 grind and I am a mommy and a wife and somehow find time to do housework as well. I feel I deserve to be pampered somewhere in there !
Liliana Callejas | July 23rd, 2008 at 1:05 pm
I use pre-school time for “me” time. I work 20 hours per week from home, and have a nanny care for my son during those hours. I could’ve chosen to reduce that to 14 hours and worked via laptop during the 6 hours my son is in preschool. Instead, I decided to keep the nanny at 20 hours, and go to the gym or library when he’s at preschool.
Another “cheat” — my son still takes a 2-3 hour nap. When I hired a nanny, I looked for someone who was willing to do small chores during naptime. She empties the dishwasher and folds the laundry, which gives me a lot more free time at night with my husband (who prefers vegging on the couch to helping fold clothes!)
SoftwareMom | July 23rd, 2008 at 2:58 pm
I “cheat” by hiring a cleaning service once a month. It doesn’t feel like cheating; I hate to clean, and I’d much much rather bake or work in my garden, both of which benefit my family and my sanity, too.
Daisy | July 23rd, 2008 at 10:15 pm
While we would all love to be ’supermom’ I truly believe it is impossible to do it all without help. To try to be a great employee, mom, wife, houskeeper, cook, etc…and still have time for yourself (and sleep) is just not possible. I think that ‘me’ time is important to being a good wife and mother.
I don’t think of it as ‘cheating’, I think of it as surviving. I wish we could afford more help than we can.
Stacey S | July 24th, 2008 at 8:07 am
I don’t cheat!
I just have a housekeeper/babysitter three days a week. Single mother. no one else to keep the boy. And even if I didn’t need a baby sitter I’d still have a housekeeper. Sometimes she cooks for me, mostly she seasons the meat and I do it. But the laundry being done and the house being clean means the 2 hours I have between getting home and getting the boy in bed is our time.
It’s not cheating.
tash | July 24th, 2008 at 10:10 am
We have a cleaning service that comes every other week to do the major stuff. Then, I had been having someone come in and do the laundry folding and putting away, plus a catch-up on all the stuff that we don’t quite keep up on during the week….
Aimers | July 24th, 2008 at 10:38 am
I totally, totally, totally cheat. My kids are 6 and 9, so we have many evening activities (sports almost every night). I have a housekeeper who comes once a week, my husband has someone who mows the lawn. Our after school nanny usually fixes a kid friendly meal for the boys (before practices) and my husband and I often buy pre-put together meals from Super Suppers. Add a salad and it’s a wonderful meal.
Also, as your kids get older they can help. Both kids make their own beds, and pick up their rooms and the game room every night. My six year old can bring his dirty clothes downstairs and sort them. My 9 year old is responsible for dishes after every meal. I figure they’ll need those skills eventually anyway…might as well teach them now.
Karla E. | July 24th, 2008 at 11:11 am
Oh, loved this post. One of the biggest challenges I have is constantly feeling like I am not great at work or as a mom — but partly because I keep thinking I can get it all done. Ridiculous notion:)
Here are my confessions:
My husband and I often have random stuff for dinner - salad, sandwich, frozen Trader Joe’s entree. I cook for our daughter and sometimes we eat same stuff, but cooking nice meals for the adults? Forget it.
We have cleaners come to the house every two weeks. Boy, would love to do it every week.
My daughter often eats the same old thing for lunch many days in a row - -sometimes she reminds me that she needs a change, mommy!:)
Nataly | July 24th, 2008 at 11:27 am
The only way I can be sane is to “outsource” as we call it. We have a live in nanny because we both travel and have weird hours.
We have a housekeeper who does all the laundry every week.
We have a gardener and a separate pool guy.
That way, we can come home and play with the kids and do things with them rather than deal with the underlying “maintenance” aspects of our lives.
I know I’ve very very lucky to be able to afford the help!
spacegeek | July 24th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
I have four kids, run a successful business out of my house and still feel like a complete failure as a mom, much less a super mom
When I left my corporate 9-5 I felt like I had to give up the maid and that I should always be caught up on the laundry. - Yeah, whatever! So I cheat too. I LOVE the premade healthy meals I buy from SUPER SUPPERS every week, all of my kids (even the 2 year old) have chores to help clean the house and when I don’t have a client meeting I might sleep until 8:30am and make the kids eat cereal.
Shae | July 24th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
My biggest “cheat” is that my mom took early retirement and helps me every day. With a 2 lawyer family, we often have unpredictable schedules - mom helps pick Amelia up from preschool and play with her at home, dinner, snacks or after school swim/ballet lessons.
Other cheats: Grocery delivery (why should my precious time with my kid be at the grocery store?); frozen meals from Super Suppers (same - plus I cook terribly) and house keeper twice a month that I want to up to 4 times a month.
Dani | July 24th, 2008 at 1:20 pm
I hire a lady to do our washing. I don`t feel that it`s cheating, though, since I live in Guatemala and don`t have a washing machine. I put in my years of scrubbing cloth diapers and hubby`s clothes by hand and it took WAY too much time. Far more efficient to pay someone else to do it!
Genesis | July 24th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
Since when is providing for your family’s needs - however you do it - cheating? I know it is just a gimmick for the article, but it brings up a great topic! I think part of the reason we feel so much guilt as working moms is that we have this image in our head of a what a “real mommy” is. We think a “real mommy” does her own laundry, or cleaning, providing, or whatever. And if we don’t physically do all those things ourselves, we are cheating. We ARE “real mommies” because we get it done - not because of how we do it. I mean, are you “cheating” because you use a washing machine and not a rock and a bar of lye soap? Of course not! (Says the “real” NON-CHEATING Mommy with a housekeeper, a sitter, manicurist, a husband that does the laundry, and a frozen dinner exchange club so she only cooks once a month)
QueenBee | July 24th, 2008 at 1:45 pm
I totally cheat! Here are a few things that I do..
I also use the laundromat’s wash and fold service for everything that can be put in the dryer. I just supply my choice of detergent/fabric softener. I don’t like theirs.
I like lots of simple recipes, and tons of veggies.. but I refuse to spend hours chopping. I buy the frozen chopped veggies and just add handfuls when I’m cooking. Anything that is a shortcut to cooking a homemade meal (hey, I made it at home!) works for me.
Kelley | July 24th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
My house keeper is one of my best bi-weekly investments. :0) I sometimes wish she would come weekly. And yes, an occassional frozen pizza or chicken strips makes a great quick evening meal.
Lisa Willard | July 24th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
You’re kidding. You call having a cleaning service CHEATING?!?
My mom was a “working mom” back when there were NO moms with full time jobs. Not only did she have someone clean, that person came in DAILY to do our laundry, do daily light cleaning throughout the house, and cooked our dinner for us every night!
When things got dicey (oh, weekly I’d say), she’d leave money on the table with a grocery list because she didn’t have time to get to the grocery store. She’d tell our housekeeper to keep the change (and she’d always make sure there was more money than necessary) for her extra trouble to run to the grocery store.
Our housekeeper was also allowed to throw us out of the house if we were bad, make us fold the laundry for her (which she did exercise every now and then), and was told to make us clean our own rooms. She complied.
And here I thought you were going to give some good tips on how to cheat at being supermom!
Rachel | July 24th, 2008 at 6:43 pm
I’ve decided that “tradition and society” can kiss my ass. I’m making my life what I want it to be, what I believe in my heart is best for me, for my family. If that means hiring a housekeeper, so be it.
Last week I was overwhelmed and paid my mom to come clean my house for me (since she was off for the summer). Bad wife/mother/woman moment? Who cares. It made a world of difference to me.
Robyn | August 19th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
If my husband and I can afford it then we are going to hire out as many services as we can while we are both working and raising our family. If one of us decides to stay at home maybe we would take back some of those household chores. I can’t imagine feeling guilty about having a housekeeper or a lawn service etc. when I am working full time. Seems crazy not to have these services!
Melinda | August 27th, 2008 at 4:04 pm
I drop off one load of laundry at the wash and fold - totally worth it esp since they return my forgotten wads of cash and credit card 2 times now!! They rock and it’s on the way to daycare. Not opposed to getting someone into clean the house - have awesome cleaning service on standby. Hubby is doing full time work plus partime school while I do full time work - totally getting a lawn service for this fall. On the rare weekend I’m home - I set up the bread machine to make pizza dough to freeze for later use, get a crock pot meal going and grill twice as much food than I need that night for dinner (while enjoying a galss of vino on the patio watching the baby play in her wading pool - make sure you are barefoot so you can enjoy the pool too!!) I make a week worth of lunches in a larger insulated lunch box to store in my work fridge and then I don’t have to “forget” it later in the week.
Beaniemommie | September 9th, 2008 at 4:02 pm
I agree that cheating isn’t the right word — after all, every single one of us only has 24 hours in each day — it’s more like “cutting corners” or “streamlining” or something like that. One thing I do is “The Old Shove-It-Under-The-Bed Trick” (when toys are cluttering the floor at bedtime and kids aren’t helping). Another is serving a “dinner” that hasn’t actually been cooked — for example bread, fresh fruit, canned & drained chickpeas (my kids will eat them like popcorn), cold cuts, cheese, and then pieces of chocolate with a glass of milk for dessert. These are both good ways to cut corners!
Molly | September 10th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
I would SO love to “contract” out my housekeeping! Unfortunately, housekeeping is at the bottom of my list. If it wasn’t, I’d have to completely ignore my husband, daughter, and forego continuing my education. Not an option! I “asked” my husband last week if we could have someone come in once a week, and he said out of the question. Well, I think next week I’m just going to TELL him! LOL
Candice | September 19th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
Hi there!!
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Thank you so much for your time!! You are helping us greatly with our semester long project!!
Lauren | November 2nd, 2008 at 1:50 pm
I don’t think it should be called cheating, either. I actually would love to hire out cleaning, but not in the budget right now. My little boy loves to help, so we actually get quality time while we’re cleaning.
Btw, my sis-in-law is a SAHM and has those robot vacuums and mops and has someone come in once a month, so what is she doing? LOL. At least you ladies “outsource” because you work.
Stacey | January 12th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
My grandmother, who kept houses for years as her source of income, has told me several times that “unless you are getting paid for your time to keep your house spotless, don’t. It isn’t worth it honey, get someone else to do it so you can enjoy your time that you aren’t at work!”
We don’t (yet) have a cleaning service…but believe me, housework falls on the bottom of the list of priorities. Heck, at the moment, I think its has completely fallen off the list.
So no, cheating? I don’t think so.
CV | January 29th, 2009 at 9:52 am
Oh I totally cheat! We eat out at least once a week, and our freezer is packed with microwave or oven premade meals.
I thought everyone did this!
Tracy | April 24th, 2009 at 9:06 am
Boston Market at least once a month! Esp on the way home from the pediatrician or the mall. My husband and daughter love their chicken and mac and cheese and I can usually add to a second and third meal with leftover chicken (esp with they have “buy a 2nd chicken for $2″ weeks!!) and their creamed spinach is fabulous in a jar of speghetti sauce!
There is a wonderful wash and fold service near daycare! They rock!
I’ve done housecleaning services before when I was pregnant and was COMMENDED by my MOTHER IN LAW for doing so because it afforded me more time with her granddaughter and son!! She rocks too!
Jennifer | July 11th, 2009 at 3:03 pm
I cheat by living in a house that is not filthy, but also doesn’t meet my own personal standards of cleanliness, which are truly too high for someone who works full time and has kids in the house plus a spouse. My method of cheating is to forget my uber-tidy dreams and accept life in a rumpled, mostly orderly home.
Ellen Ewing | October 13th, 2009 at 8:42 pm
[Karen? Is that you?]
Girl, I think the KEY to “supermomming” is cheating. There’s no other way! When people ask me “how do you do it?” the real answer is…”I have help.”
And I’m totally ok with that.
Justice Fergie | December 8th, 2009 at 1:46 pm
I guess I cheat by not aiming for a house that’s showroom clean … it’s reasonably clean, and I’ve accepted that. Plus, rotisserie chicken from the supermarket saves me a ton of cooking time. Since meat takes the longest to prepare, I’d cook but take a shortcut with that part of the meal.
quitefire2012 | January 4th, 2012 at 6:01 pm
It’s definitely not cheating. We moms have to remember that in villages around the world, there are women who help each other with these chores or help care for other’s children so the fact that American society make us feel like we need to do it all is ludicrous.
Jean L. | September 10th, 2012 at 12:43 pm
I cheat too! I love a clean house but after managing 500 high school students I can’t imagine having to do more housework! Yes, she even comes in the summer!
Jenny | September 10th, 2012 at 4:06 pm
For a while I was a cheat and I loved it!!!
We had my husbands sister come live with us for 9 months, hubby works during the day and i work a 12 hour shift through the night.YES OMG! we have 3 children 2 of which are school age and a baby boy who has just turned 1, i have been back at work for the last 7 months and boy is it hard! Needless to say i do not stay on top of my laundry nor do i make beds but previous to the pregnancy of our young man my sister in law stayed with us and i tell ya live in help is AWESOME id come home from work in the mornings, see off my darling to work and have breakfast with my daughters and then SLEEP all day and when Id wake up the house would be spotless, children bathed and dinner in the oven.But since shes been gone i get by on the bare minimum sleep and try and get through all the general house duties as hard as it is the house is in a fairly good state and i just play catch up on my days off.which is never nice spending your rest days working.I prioritize my children spending quality time with them comes before anything else, i spend so much time at work i feel guilty so I’ve learnt to live with having a slightly messy house if it means reading a book with them or whatever.I wish i didn’t have to work such long hours but until we can afford to buy our own house it will just have to be and it saddens me that i will miss out on the best years of parenthood but i do try and make the most of my time with them as tired as i may be but its always worth it.
Emily G | September 10th, 2012 at 4:41 pm
I too have recently decided it is ok to cheat. For a long time I told myself that meant defeat. But I tell you I feel like a much bigger winner when I come home from work for a day or two after the house is clean and do nothing but spend time with my girls. My husband loves it because I don’t complain nearly as much about how much I have to do
Win, Win
Shannon | April 12th, 2013 at 8:27 pm