with Britt Reints
Forget the 9 to 5; Full Time, All the Time is a blog about the mobile working life - when you have the freedom to work from anywhere and the responsibility of always having your smartphone turned on. Britt Reints works as a freelance writer while traveling fulltime in an RV with her husband and two kids. She explores balancing real-life bills with an unconventional work life, and finding time to maintain relationships with family and friends.
You can also find Britt at InPursuitOfHappiness.net.
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The number one question I get asked when people find out that I work full-time (the majority of which is outside of the home) is “How do you do it all?” I always have a lot on my plate. I work a high-stress job in the high-stress field of software, hold a position on my son’s preschool Board of Directors, write regularly on four different blogs, and cook a meal every night. Somewhere in between I do my best to find ample quality time to spend with my son whether it is fighting for a flexible schedule or taking a afternoon off to head to the zoo. I’m like a duck who looks calm and collected on the surface but whos legs are frantically moving underneath.
Sometimes I think I do too good of a job at making it look easy. I won’t easily admit how many times I’ve cried in the bathroom at work from missing my son, times I’ve lashed out at my family for an issue related to work, or had felt so overwhelmed that all I can do it sit on the couch and veg out. It’s much easier to look like the calm, collected Super Mom Project Manager than to admit that I don’t have my act together. Most days I am flying my the seat of pants with my blackberry in one hand and my child’s hand in the other.
The truth is, I don’t “do it all.” We have a regular housekeeper, we have lots of family in our area that support us tremendously, I haven’t stepped foot in a gym in two years. I’m hardly “doing it all.” There are moments where I feel that my juggle between work and home is as balanced as a house of cards - all it will take it one gust of wind for it all to fall apart.
I’ve come to the realization that I don’t have to do it all. I’m just doing it. “It” being whatever needs my attention most whether its my son, my project, the unpaid bills on the counter, the fridge that needs stocking, or that laundry that needs laundering.
Well maybe not the laundry. That, my friends, rarely get my attention.
Just curious, and not implying criticisim in any way — which family tasks does your husband do? Does he experience the same “house of cards” feeling on a regular basis?
SoftwareMom | August 1st, 2008 at 6:53 am
Software Mom - no offense taken. My spouse works full time in corporate finance and, for the last three years, has been enrolled in a night program at a Tier 2 school to get his MBA. He is often gone 2 or 3 nights a week in classes. Because of it, our roles at home are different - I take on the bulk of the home stuff since he just doesn’t have any extra time.
I know that he struggles with guilt. He often wants to spend more time with our son and finds that between work and grad school that he isn’t left with much.
My spouse does own the nighttime routine whenever he is home. And he is tasked with all the home improvement stuff (right now that is putting a fence in the backyard.)
Now as for whether or not he cries in the bathroom at work because of the stress. Well, if he did I doubt he’d ever admit it.
robynroark | August 1st, 2008 at 10:25 am
I’m sure that many years down the road, you will look back on this time of your life and smile
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Eileen123 | August 1st, 2008 at 10:36 am
I love this description “duck who looks calm and collected on the surface but whos legs are frantically moving underneath. ” I have my days like that. Of course, I also have my days where I look like a bus has run me over. I have to add that having a housekeeper help out is a wonderful thing. I came home from a business trip last week, walked in the door at midnight, and got a huge smile on my face seeing how clean it was. I had forgotten she was coming while I was gone!
Jen S | August 3rd, 2008 at 5:22 pm
I get the same comment on a frequent basis and have to laugh . . . I`m so NOT doing it all! But still, things work out and everyone is happy and healthy.
(btw, I just send my laundry to the lady up the street, it`s faster and easier than doing it myself!)
Genesis | August 3rd, 2008 at 10:45 pm
What an honest and refreshing blog! How many of us want to admit our laundry rarely gets done? But it’s so true and in the grand scheme of things, it’s really acceptable to just have one clean pair of underwear and one clean towel today - tomorrow we’ll worry about tomorrow!
Well I must admit, about 5 years ago I had the privilege of experiencing life with 3 children and a fully stocked frig and clean laundry everyday - an existence I thought wasn’t even possible! I was in graduate school fulltime, my husband was completing a post-doc which meant he was putting in 12-14 hour days, and the only way we were able to pull it off was my mother-in-law moved in with us. From that moment on I decided this is what every working woman needs! A live in wife would be ideal but at a minimum, someone to help with the errands, shopping, laundry, bill paying, etc. So in April I set out to give women in Northern VA just that and launched http://www.attacheservices.com. I still believe we can have it all ladies, but not if we try to do it all alone. A strong support system really is key.
Alicia Anderson | August 3rd, 2008 at 10:49 pm
This post was timely for me. I’m about to head back to work after taking 2 years off to focus on the kid/house/family. Part of is terrified that I won’t be able to do it all like I want to. I don’t care about a clean house, well, not really cleaning the house. I’m more concerned about having a life besides work and home and family. Getting time to do my own things and doing the parenting thing right. My partner says he is going to pull his weight more, but part of me doubts he’ll do more than he’s forced to do.
Boy, do I need a wife!
Nicole J. | August 8th, 2008 at 11:40 am
I get that comment a lot - or the “I don’t know how ‘you people’ with kids do it!” It never rings as a compliment to me. Sometimes its a struggle to fit it all in, and often I drop the ball - but I can’t imagine it any other way.
Lucrecia | August 9th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
Hi,
I just wanted to thank you for your vulnerability. I really believe that it through women being open about what is really going on that we (women) are the most impacted and gain an sense of hope for ourselves. I am a new mommy. I have a 7 month old and I work full time, have a hubby and I am building up my mixed media art business on the side. I am feeling the stress of holding it all together. I am happy if I can just get the dishes done. I look forward to looking at your meal ideas. I havn’t gotten that one down yet either. But I can say that I am hopeful!!! I look forward to this crazy journey of wife, artist, and mother. Please check out my other blogs as well: http://www.simplylovlee.etsy.com and http://www.simplylovlee.blogspot.com
Take Care and Thanks again!
Lovlee
Lovlee | August 9th, 2008 at 4:58 pm
Eileen - I wouldn’t want my life any other way (except maybe a little cleaner and clothes that can self-clean).
Jen S - we have a weekly housekeeper that cleans the house once a week. If I could afford a household manager - someone who could grocery shop, clean, do the laundry, etc - then I would so hire that person in a heartbeat. But having someone clean the house for me enough.
Genesis - Where do you live? I hope it is just down the street from me so that I can hop aboard the laundry outsourcing express! lol
Alicia - my MIL does live with us but she also works full-time. It is great to have an extra pair of hands in the house - especially when I need to work late.
Nicole - my only advice is to prioritize and outsource anything you can afford. Oh and breathe! Transitions are always tough but you’ll figure out what is important to you and what just doesn’t matter.
Lucrecia - I can see how “you people” wouldn’t be a compliment. I wish I had a witty comeback, but I’m never good with in the moment comebacks. I guess just saying “We put our pants on one leg at a time like you people without kids”
Lovlee - Dishes are another thing that don’t get done as frequently as I’d like. I’ve started to try to multi-task when I work from home. So laundry gets folded on a conference call. This morning after back to back conference calls, I was able to get all the laundry folded and the dishes loaded in the dishwasher AND remembered to pull out the meat in the freezer for dinner. It isn’t even lunchtime yet and I am feeling like a SUPERSTAR! lol
Robyn | August 12th, 2008 at 12:07 pm