with Britt Reints
Forget the 9 to 5; Full Time, All the Time is a blog about the mobile working life - when you have the freedom to work from anywhere and the responsibility of always having your smartphone turned on. Britt Reints works as a freelance writer while traveling fulltime in an RV with her husband and two kids. She explores balancing real-life bills with an unconventional work life, and finding time to maintain relationships with family and friends.
You can also find Britt at InPursuitOfHappiness.net.
Categories: balance, mommy guilt, the juggle, working mom
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One of my dearest friends, Holly, is about to embark on the role of a lifetime - motherhood. I am so excited for her. It’s been a blast planning her baby shower and answering the only-another-working-mom-would-know sort of questions. Like is that $300 pump really worth it? YES!
Holly has already decided that she will be returning to work. Just like most of us, the choice was already made for Holly. She simply cannot afford to not work full-time. I remember feeling the same way when pregnant with my son - wishing that I had the option of not having to work.
I want so much to share not so much my wisdom but my experiences with Holly about juggling motherhood and career. I’ve made a little list for her:
Find a nanny or daycare you love.
It’s ok to order takeout every night of the week if that’s what it takes.
Find time for yourself every day - even if it 15 minutes locked in the bathroom.
Ask for help.
Feeling guilty is normal. Just don’t let it eat you alive.
As Holly approaches her due date, I wish I had more advice to share. I think of myself as a successful working mother. Yes, there are times when I feel like it’s all going to fall apart. But most days are balanced enough for me. It’s never perfect. It’s never easy. But it sure is fulfilling to be a mother and have a successful career.
Do you have any advice you can share?
On top of finding that daycare, get on the waiting list NOW. Dunno how they are by y’all, but in Chicago, there’s a good long wait. And don’t fret about paying for 2-3 registration fees to be on 2-3 waiting lists. Yes, it’s a racket, but you’ll feel better when you have a choice.
Don’t let people scare you. You’ll figure it out and if Robyn’s your friend, you’ll really be just fine.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
And go out to eat when the lil one still sleeps and is immobile. Once they start sitting up and walking, oh….Seriously, I found it easier to eat out when the lil one was less than 6 mos than after.
AND HAVE FUN! It goes by faster than you’ll ever realize.
Veronica | August 15th, 2008 at 11:13 am
Get maid service!
SKL | August 15th, 2008 at 9:27 pm
I realize it’s not always possible, but as a new mama who is not going back to work, I wonder about some of these choices. We’re definitely taking a salary hit, but if you are paying for daycare, take-out every night, and a maid service (as a commenter suggested), you may as well look at the budget, cut some unnecessaries, and stay home.
Ellen | August 17th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
Go back to work on a Wednesday instead of a Monday. It is really helpful to have that first week back be a short one. Also, if possible, ask your employer if you can work a shorter schedule (e.g., 30 hrs. a week instead of 40) for a month or two after you return from maternity leave. I worked 30 hours the first month, and it was great to have that extra time with my little one.
JMD | August 17th, 2008 at 7:24 pm
Veronica - thanks for the sweet comment. And you are so right about daycare - get on the waiting lists now.
SKL - Every woman should have a maid service. lol
Ellen - I’m trying hard not to be judgemental as you were in your comment. The advice is for a new working mother. Do you have any advice to share?
JMD - great idea. I returned to work on a Wednesday (it was the 1st of the month and easier for payroll). You are right the short week was perfect.
robynroark | August 17th, 2008 at 9:40 pm
If you are a workaholic like I am according to my husband and your office has outside access to work from home - do it if for no other reason than to check your email so that you do not have 10,000 emails upon your return. I had to make arrangements since I was the new kid on the block when I had my child, however, it was worth the time I took since many clients didn’t pay attention to the fact I was on maternity leave and the people covering for me were also nice enough to cc me on issues so that I could follow along and not be blindsided upon my return. I also agree on the short work week that first week. Another thing I did that first week, which if you have someone (a new very excited grandparent, aunt, uncle etc) that is able to watch your wee one that first week (at your home if possible) it made it a lot easier to get myself back in the routine of leaving for work and then add the baby the next week.
Heather | August 18th, 2008 at 8:07 am
Use your vacation time to work shorter weeks-I now work 4 day weeks, and it really helps!
Nic | August 18th, 2008 at 9:06 am
As a fellow mom who had to return to work (although I was lucky, I was able to take a year off), I know that it can be very difficult. My suggestion is to make sure you set boundaries with people. When I returned I was barraged with questions, “How does it FEEL to be back? Who is your baby with?” etc. The questions amplified my feelings of sadness and guilt. So I came up with a standard response: “I’m doing fine for now and if I feel like talking about it more I’ll let you know.”
Christina | August 18th, 2008 at 3:35 pm
Remember the plug adaptor and the bottles and all the other pump accessories - if you’re pumping, spoken from experience
I would also book pumping time and leaving time as reminders on my calender.
The starting day of Wed or Thurs is an awesome idea.
I think getting the food planned for the first month is an awesome idea - whether it’s takeout, stocking up on frozen meals, or eating leftovers. You’ll need your energy.
Finding a friend/co-worker who has kids so you can talk about kids, commisserate, get advice is really helpful.
And what I wish I’d done the first time (I did the second) was to take advantage of maternity leave - joining mom’s groups, going to a gym where I could bring a baby, etc.
Nicole/wksocmom | August 18th, 2008 at 6:36 pm
You will have to learn to let some things go. Your house will not be as clean as it was before you had a baby once you go back to work. It’s ok to let the dishes pile up in the sink for a few days.
Some days you will not get a “gold star” at home and at work. Some days it’s ok to just get a “check.”
If you can leave work at 5pm do it and don’t feel guilty about it b/c there will be plenty of days that you won’t be able to.
After a couple of weeks of eating out, I started cooking all of our meals on Sunday. Then we go out to eat on Thursdays and order pizza on Fridays
Balancing Act | August 19th, 2008 at 10:51 am
Compartmentalize as much as possible: do work at work and home at home. Don’t take work home with you. Be present in every moment so that, wherever you are, you are giving your best.
It gets easier. The first year was very difficult for me. Now, I have found a system and a balance that really works well for me and for my family.
Take a day off every once in a while and spend it with your child. Have “mommy and me” day and spend it bonding in whatever way you want.
Communicate clearly with your partner. Create a list of chores if need be. Let him know exactly what you need. Don’t expect him to read your mind. Be direct.
Find care provider that you love… and one that loves your child! The number one most important factor that will affect your child’s development is a stable, loving relationship with his/her care provider. This is especially important for infants, in my opinion.
Give yourself some credit and don’t listen to the critics. Working moms are good moms. What you think about yourself is FAR more important than what anyone else (especially anonymous internet people) think about you. You live your life, no one else. So make it what works best for you and for your family.
You were YOU before you were “mom.” Your entire life does not have to revolve around your child in order for you to be a good mom. You have a purpose and an identity that includes motherhood, but is not limited to motherhood. There’s nothing wrong with that. Be true to yourself. Your child will see what a strong, hard-working, independent woman you are. I know that I did with my working mom when I was a child. And I still wish I could be just like her.
Robyn | August 19th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
I’m loving this advice, ladies. I’ll be a first-time working mom myself soon!
Leah | August 19th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
I agree on not going back to work on a Monday, I did, but then had the 4th of July to break up the week. Worked out well since our first daycare was a bust on day one and I had to scramble.
Set boundaries. Work time, mom time, me time, couple time.
Don’t be afraid to reevaluate your care situation at different stages. A place that had great infant care may not be good for older infant/toddlers. Also, remember that you’re the boss when it comes to care. They work for you, you run the show. Of course, be respectful of their needs and how your choices effect other’s care, but in the end, you’re still the one writing the check.
Amelia Sprout | August 20th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
Advice that I can give is try to find something to do from home work wise. I would never put my chilren in day care and just couldn’t even bring myself to even think about it, but had to bring in some income some how. So I found something that I was passionate about and that was to work from home. I found a company were I still get to work in the health care field being that I am nurse plus I get to work at home. I get to help people find medical and dental benefits that are affordable plus I get to help other mothers be able to stay at home with there babys and not have to put them in day care. Look around there are lots of home based business out there that are great. But be careful because a lot of them are scams. If you want you can check my out and if it is a great fit for you or your friend than great. If it is not then there are a ton out there. You can check things out at http://www.workbenefitsfromhome.com and you can listen to a recorded overview call at 712-432-9156 about the business and the benefits that we provided to poeple.
I hope this helps!
Jill | August 22nd, 2008 at 3:17 am
Daycare really isn’t a horrible thing, just so you know. My daughter LOVES her daycare provider. She is loved and challenged there, plus she is learning the social skills she needs to interact with other children.
It’s great if working from home works for you, but daycare can be a great option for other moms, and many children thrive in that setting.
Robyn | August 25th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
Have an extra of everything possible. That helped me feel in control, like I was avoiding a crisis. For example, while it was only feasible to have one good electric pump (yes, the $300 one - I left it at work), I had a backup small battery powered pump that traveled in my work bag and a manual one to keep in the car. I also had spare valves and breastshields for the pump so I didn’t have to wash things during the work day. Keep an extra packed diaper bag in the car.
When you get ready in the morning, don’t put your work shirt on until the baby is dressed and in the car seat carrier. Much less chance of getting spit up on your work clothes (don’t worry, you’ll only have to do this for a few months until they are over the spit-up phase).
Keep a permanent marker and masking tape in an inviolate place in the kitchen. Label EVERYTHING that goes to your child care provider. (I learned to only put our last name - when my older daughter could read her first name, she got very upset that “her” things being used for the baby).
When you get home, hold your baby, gaze into her eyes, nuzzle his head. Shut out the rest of the world and just love your baby.
Jo | September 9th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
Wow! This is all great advice. I concur with everything. I just returned to work in August after my second child. My first was in a nanny situation and at one we knew he needed more stimulation so we took him out and put him in daycare. It was so scary, but he loves it! And, now my daughter is at the same place so there won’t be as much trepidation with her.
My top five pieces of advice
1. Don’t let non-working mom’s look at you with those pathetic, “I feel bad for you” eyes when you tell them that you have to get up at 5:30 a.m. to get ready to be to work at 8 a.m., because they will. Know that you are doing the best for your child going to work and being able “to do fun things” that you normally wouldn’t do if you stayed home and sacrificed.
2. Organize EVERYTHING the night before. If I have to do it in the morning it is awful.
3. Housekeeper and purchase a laundry sorter. It is easier to do a load each night. I love coming home to a clean house every two weeks. Trust me, it is not in our budget, but it keeps me sane.
4. I believe someone said this, but be in the moment wherever you are. If you have a blackberry and are checking it while you are playing with the kids, don’t feel like you are doing anyone service - not work and most certainly not your kids.
5. I think this is the most important. YOU CAN’T DO IT ALL or you’ll crack! And, as a woman and a mother you definitely don’t have time for nervous breakdowns
Molly | September 25th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
This can not be said enough: the 300.00 pump is worth it. I lasted one day w a manual pump. My husband went out and bought the electric before I even made it home that evening.
The very first day is terrible, and I felt like the worst mama in the whole world. But the reunion at 515 made it all worth it. The look on my sons face when he realized mama was home beyond words (as many of the other posters can probably relate). I get that same wonderful, perfect moment each day when I arrive home from work. The thought of it gets me thru the tough moments. I also call to check in when ever I feel the need, and if I feel like he needs me, or I need to see him, I take a few hours vacation and do just that. I am fortunate to have an understanding employer.
All the advice previously posted is good, but what works for other people might not work for Holly, and thats ok. Going w your gut and trusting your instincts is more important now than ever. Best Wishes to Holly.
grace | October 16th, 2008 at 9:17 pm
Thank you. My daughter starts daycare on Monday and I am starting to freak out. I’m so glad I found this site. She is 4 months old and we were lucky that my husband was able to take paternity leave after I went back to work.
christinaa | November 25th, 2008 at 12:38 am
Any advice for moms going back to work who are leaving baby with dad? I am going back to work in about 4 weeks and my husband is going to be home with our 2 month old daughter. He is wonderful with her and I feel totally secure leaving them together but I am sure there are pitfalls and situations for which to be prepared. Any advice?
LJC | December 26th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
I’m a new mom and starting back to work this week. I looked up the blog for a bit of advice. I decided to come back a little bit during my maternity leave and worked it out so that I got paid for 20 hours to be worked at my leisure - I used this time to read emails (organizing my inbox again!) and doing some reading on projects, etc. so that I am up to speed when I return. With my job, I was able to fit these hours in at times when the baby was sleeping or when my husband was taking daddy time. I start back to work on Monday - YIKES! - but I already feel less stress because I know I’m more organized before I walk into the office again.
JDR | December 30th, 2008 at 1:24 pm