I worked full time for the same reasons you do… Until I was laid off from my position. I really miss working a lot.

These are same reasons I work at all. I haven’t been able to work full-time because of my son’s needs, but I’d never survive if I didn’t work outside the house.

I think it’s important for parents, moms especially, to show their kids that there is so much in life to experience, so many options for all of us. And that happiness comes in many forms.

Congrats on the new gig, darlin’. I look forward to reading you here.

I continue to work full time for many reasons. Money being one of the big ones. We could live on my husband’s salary but my children could not go to catholic school, we could not take vacations, no sports camps and no little extras that we love so much.

I also want to use my education and my abilities to their fullest. I love interacting with other adults and sharing our ideas. I like to work a project from start to finish and then sit back and enjoy the end results.

I also think it makes me a better Mommy. I am not good when I do not have adult interaction. I am a horrible cook. I hate to clean. I can not sew to save my life. I can bake a little bit. I would not be happy without having my job. Then I would be an unhappy Mommy and who wants that?

I work full-time because I don’t know how to be an at home mom. It’s just always been that way. I never thought I’d want to be a SAHM until I saw everyone in my family being one.

I’m not a very good working mom - I’m the one frantically making lunch in the morning because your son is too picky to eat anything in the cafeteria, throws her shoes in when she gets into the car and puts her makeup on on the train.

But I suspect I’d be an even worse SAHM.

I worked full time up until my second child was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. It was then that I found out the working world couldn’t give shit one about your family and your struggle. Instead of, “How is you son, who is in the ICU, doing today, I got calls to my cell phone like… “When are you going to have this wrapped up so we can put you back on the schedule?” Right then and there, I knew my heart wasn’t in it any more. Don’t get me wrong… I loved being a chef and baker…. hell, that was my job! When push comes to shove though…. my kids have to come first. I envy you, though, your cute shoes and your adult conversations…… I really miss those ALOT! Great article!

Karen: great clarification -and I ALSO don’t mean at all to suggest that SAHMs aren’t working their butts off all day. They just face a different set of issues than us “9 to 5ers”, so to speak.

Lisa: your situation? All around sucks.

ali: I was a terrific SAHM for about 3 months.

Finn: thank, doll!

SJ: I think I learned a lot of those things by having my mom work outside the home, too.

Jess: my kids get Tae Kwon Doe.

Sheila (Charm School Reject): oh man, i SO feel like that mom 90% of the time.

hello haha narf : love - thanks.

Blondefabulous: it sucks when you don’t have a choice. But I’m glad you could be there when you had to.

SKL: I would definitely prefer working LESS hours - but like you, it’s all or nothing right now.

Full time moms rock!
Turns out I think working is fun.I think some people get caught up in the idea that “doing what you love” means a hobby-like career choice. For me, doing what I love IS working in the corporate world. I love business. I work in strategic planning now, & I think it’s the most fun I could ever have. So many people talk about the super-achieving women getting MBAs and high-powered careers then giving it up because they are not happy & don’t have time with their kids. Good for them for taking care of themselves, but let’s not forget that some of us *are* happy with the corporate life & we’re just fine.

Welcome! Great post!
I LOVE working and sometimes feel guilty for not feeling guilty about it. this has to be one of the only posts I have seen with so many women responding in a similar fashion with out saying ‘oh I work but i wish i could just quit and be home!’ because really? even if I could, I wouldn’t. even if I won the bazillion dollar lottery tomorrow, I would get straight to work setting up foundations and figuring out how to invest it (and of course throwing some money at my favorite - WIM! nataly - you can hold me to that when I win;) )

I will say, when my son was born I was really irritated that I didn’t have the choice to stay home. Not that I would take it, but I just wanted to know it was a choice. I know, so high maintenance! But really, we completely rely on my salary for 85% of our livelihood and my hubby’s is what buys starbucks and funds Target trips. However, as soon as I walked into my office the first day back from maternity leave – oh I KNEW I was where I wanted to be, by CHOICE!

My commute, however, is a whole other topic…

Ladies it sounds to me that you decide to not make your children a priority becuase 1) you need the money (probably to buy more crap) 2) somehow you think that if you stay at home all the adults in the world would dissapear and you would have no more adult interaction.

If you need two salaries just to be able to pay the bills then it seems there was some poor planning in there somehwere and you should consider having children if you couldn’t afford them.
Why do you assume that you will not be able to interact with adults if you are a full time mother? On the contrary you would be able to get that interaction inyour own terms, you would decide what adults to interact with instead of just the ones at the office (you don’t get to choose those).
What if you “love” your job? Will it kill you to make your children a priority the first 2-3 years of their life where their attachment to their mother is the most critical instead of being taken care of by a stranger 8-10 hours per day in daycare? And then returning to your job.

Many reasons I work FT, some have been mentioned. Another couple of reasons: retirement & college. The struggles we see seniors without sufficient income going through really scare us. And college for our son…well, we all know how the costs will continue to climb through the roof by the time our youngsters turn 18. - Paula. (oh, and Britt: my son does tae kwon do too!)

I work because I’m good at what I do…and I really love it. I’ve tried it all SAHM, WAHM, contract work part-time…this is what works for me and my family. Turns out it’s a smart choice. My husband was laid off at the beginning of October…yes, he was laid off during the WORST stock market week ever! Anyway, we are now SO thankful that I have a good job, good salary, good benefits. Gives him some flexibility to think about what it is that he REALLY wants to do.

There are a lot of days I think I want to be a stay at home mom, but I really am a better mother because I work. I am forced to make my family a priority and carve out special time for my daughter. I like to work. I’m good at what I do. It makes me happy, which means I can be a happier more productive mother. I also feel like I am teaching my daughter to be strong, independent and to find balance … all of which are valuable lessons.

When my son was first born, I had no choice but to work. We had just bought a house (3 months before we found out I was preggers) and there was absolutely no way we live on one salary. Then my spouse returned to college for his MBA and there was absolutely no way we would have been able to balancegraduate school tuition without being a dual-income family.

If the economy wasn’t in the crapper, we could probably swing it on one of us working part-time and one of us full-time. But by both of us working in different fields and at different companies we can migitate the financial risk of potential lay-offs.

I agree with Jen - I was a latch-key kid starting at 10 and had 3-4 hours (with my older brother) before my parents got home. It was when my parents weren’t around that I smoked my first cigarrette, had my first kiss, and lost my virginity (no not all in one day!). I plan on either working part-time during my child’s Jr high and high school years. One to be the chauffer for activities and two to make sure that he doesn’t have as many opportunities to get in trouble.

I prefer to work to have financial freedom from my spouse. I prefer to work to continue my professional development. And I work to set an example to my son.

I think this is a tough topic. I myself am a SAHM, but have had my own consulting firm since getting pregnant with our first son in 1999. (Hard to believe it’s been nearly 10 years now!) We now have 3 kids, ages 8, 5, and 2 (nearly 3). I have been approached recently by some companies about full-time employment and have found myself feeling very ambivalent about it…while on the one hand it would certainly be a great financial plus for our family, I would miss spending time with my little daughter. Right now, I enjoy doing my part-time consulting work from home with her, even if she is just sitting with me coloring while I’m doing my e-mail. I also like being home for my kids when they get home from school.

I know that I will never get another chance to have a 2-year-old (she’s the youngest/last of our kids) - if I miss it, that’s it! For me, there is nothing better than my little daughter flinging her little arms around my neck and saying how much she loves me. I guess if I’m willing to pass on a 90K+ salary, it must really be an ingrained thing with me.

That said, I also have friends who just don’t consider themselves SAHM “material” - they dont’ do well being at home and are much happier in a working environment. Who am I to say that they are wrong? They are doing what they feel is best for their family. We currently have a part-time nanny and our kids LOVE her - I’d be hard-pressed to say that my children are somehow being short-changed by being cared for by someone else in addition to myself or my husband.

I consider myself fortunate in that my mom was a SAHM for me all the way until I left for college! Ironically, though, it wasn’t until I was an adult and mom myself that I fully appreciated the sacrifice she made. But would I really have been worse off if she had worked full-time instead? Hard to say. But my gut would say that if she was at home and NOT happy about it, it wouldn’t have done the kids any favors. I think it really does depend on the temperaments of both the mom and the kids.

I work to set an example for my daughters.

I work to help make our family financially secure and take some of the burden off my wonderful husband’s shoulders.

I work to continue my own personal development.

But I work even harder or “super duper mooper ” hard (as my daughter would say) at striking a balance.

Even though I’m a working mom I still created our pre-school’s first year-book, attended every PTA meeting, and planned a few school events. I really love being involved in my daughters school and it is the biggest challenge of my life trying to do both.

Now that I have two kids (10 months and 3 yrs) I’m wondering how long I can keep up the pace. I recently decided to ease off the gas at work and concentrate more on my family.

Love to hear any tips from working moms on how you manage both… and find time for your spouse, too?

I am so, so thankful that my mom is a working mom. She has always worked outside the home. I never, not one time in my whole life, felt that it hurt me in any way. I never, not once in my whole life, felt that her job was more important than my sister and I. She set the most wonderful, amazing example for me of a strong, independent, educated, working mother.

My daughter is happy, healthy. She loves her daycare provider, and her dcp loves her dearly. She is more like an aunt than anything else in the relationship they have. I make the most of my hours (35 per week) at work. And I make the most of my hours (all the rest) with my family.

No one, NO ONE, can ever make me believe that my working hurts my daughter or that I am not the absolute best mother for her. But you can keep right on trying, “Sacrificing SAHM” and “responnsible mom,” to preach your self-righteous, one-sided viewpoint all you like.

I, too, work because our family depends on my income & insurance. I would love to be a part-timer, but the option just isn’t there. I’m just trying to focus on being very thankful for my job/insurance during this economic time when many would give ANYTHING to have income, a home to live in, great insurance, etc.

And maybe, just maybe, us full-time working mothers would not have the guilt we sometimes have if we didn’t feel other mothers were “looking down” on us and doing their darndest to MAKE us feel guilty!

As mothers, we all know we need to be “present” for our children, and we ALL do the very best we can…it will NEVER be the same for everyone.

Keep working hard Moms and know that you have many, many other mothers behind you in the same circumstances!!!

[...] all the things I love about working full time, the one thing that makes me question my decision on a regular basis is my daily [...]

My mother worked full time and I missed her so much. I will not ever put my children in daycare. It is so sad to think millions of children are away from there mothers from 6 to 7 everyday. If the children go to bed at 9 that means they get a grand total of 10 hours weekdays with there parents. How sad. I don’t care how great your job is your children should be more important. Good luck ladies time flies and remember your children will pick your nursing home. I don’t think you will mind you didn’t take care of them full time as children why should they care to take care of you when you are old. Maybe you boss and friends will be there.

Does anyone else have a job that requires them to travel 3-4 days per week? I’m terrified of what this means for me once my baby is born (I’m due in July), because based on the economy, the option of finding a job that works out better for a working mom will be a scant option.

Must be a White Woman thing. I have never heard a Black mother say she feels GUILTY about working outside the home.

When is this nonsense going to end.

I work full time only because I have to. My husband is disabled and I’m the sole income earner, so there you are. I think generally speaking there are big advantages to having a stay at home parent, but in the individual case, kids do best when their parents are at their best. If being at your best means that you need to work outside the home, then so be it.

Me, I make the best of a bad situation. I’m an attorney and I left the firm world for solo practice so that I could dictate my own schedule. I take in only as much work as I need to for us to live modestly on only my income. It’s stressful not having a consistent salary, but I can come in late, go to the zoo in the middle of the day and leave early. Not every day, clearly, but when I need to or want to, I can. In the meantime, I know my daughter and my husband are having a killer time together. I have a very strong relationship with my father, but it pales in comparison to theirs.

Some of us have no choice but to work. I have a blind disabled husband and while he does get disability, if I did not work we’d have no health benifits. And that is too scarey to think about. All that aside, my work is also the only social contact I have. I am in a new town and thus left all my friends behind. If I didn’t work I’d be very lonely and depressed. Work makes all of us happier.

Wow, awesome. Just found this post from another of yours and it’s nice to find someone else who feels the same. Our situation is built out of a much more dire need for financial stability - my husband stays home and I work. We couldn’t survive on his income. So we are with only one income and I own my business so I have no choice. I stayed home for 6 weeks when my daughter was born (1 month after we started the company), and basically had my son on a Friday and was back working on Monday (after a c-section). There is no other choice.

I say there is no other choice not just because we are financially bound, but because I love to work. I love my work, I love being an entrepreneur, and I love the challenge. I don’t love traveling as much as I have the last year since my son was born in April, but I do enjoy connecting with others and seeing new places.

More to the point, we (as women) are brought up these days to be independent, well educated and street smart. Invest in ourselves, don’t get dragged into gender biases. Are we ever good at the rally cry in our younger years. Then you have a kid and everyone reverts to 1953 and gives you looks of horror when you want to go back to work much sooner than they.

I will tell you that I have invested a lot into my education, experience and independence. I am completely self-sustaining. I’ve created a personal brand and a routine and a formula for my work, and need to keep it well-oiled and moving for it to grow and prosper. My work will not “be there” after a year of maternity leave. I don’t belong to a union. Nor would I ever want to. I thrive in this environment, in the “give it your all” type of pressure cooker, and the rewards are (will be) big, both financially and through a satisfied self.