with Britt Reints
Forget the 9 to 5; Full Time, All the Time is a blog about the mobile working life - when you have the freedom to work from anywhere and the responsibility of always having your smartphone turned on. Britt Reints works as a freelance writer while traveling fulltime in an RV with her husband and two kids. She explores balancing real-life bills with an unconventional work life, and finding time to maintain relationships with family and friends.
You can also find Britt at InPursuitOfHappiness.net.
Categories: balance, mommy guilt, the juggle, working mom
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If there was any lesson to be learned in 2008, it was learning that balance is bunk for a working mom. I like to think that I had it all together… but on any given day something was neglected in order for me to get my job done. That job includes being an employee, a mom, a wife, and all those other roles that I wear like friend, daughter, blogger, writer, short-order cook, vacation scheduler, play-date organizer, and bill-payer.
I’m still learning that juggling almost always means putting down a ball or two in order to protect the other balls I’m juggling. I’ve learned the power of saying no - both in work and in my personal life - mainly from the consequences of always saying yes. After getting extremely sick in during November, I realized that I was slowly killing myself by trying to DO IT ALL. I had gained weight, resented obligations, and was generally unhappy. With myself. I certainly couldn’t blame others for the commitments I made to them.
Something has to change. And I am the only one who can change it.
I don’t believe in New Years Resolutions and my new personal objectives are not resolutions. I’m taking baby steps to make changes for life. This isn’t a fad diet. It’s taking account of ALL of the things and prioritized it in a way that doesn’t leave me over-extended, bitter, or putting my needs last. It means saying no when appropriate, un-plugging during off hours, giving undivided attention to my family, and living a fulfilling life.
Having it all is no longer my mission. Less really is more. I am only one person. I cannot do it all. I can’t even come close. So by setting realistic expectations, by giving myself measurable goals, and by being aware of my tendency to be everything to everyone, I am setting a new course.
Mission Impossible: Having it “all.” Mission Possible: Redefining “all” to be what I want “all” to be.
Good for you!
Miss Britt | January 9th, 2009 at 9:56 am
I couldn’t have read this at a better time. November was really tough for me too - I’ve gained weight, then fallen sick, then had some of the most physically, mentally and emotionally exhausting weeks ever. I am now trying to cope with the recurrence of my son’s Coats disease, with his right eye swollen and completely shut after the third round of cryopexy and keeping a job (where my team has functioned at 50% capacity since November). And my closets are close to looking like the state of the world before ‘housekeeping’ was invented. It’s tough. And this weekend, I hope to do some serious prioritizing. Thank you for the reminder.
A Lost Writer | January 9th, 2009 at 10:56 am
Great post….and so true. I have taken this mantra to heart…….most times. I still fall off the wagon (um volunteer for too much, insist on making homemade appetizers, host a dinner) every once in awhile but my family always reminds me and I am forced to come back to reality. Truth is - no one that on a hundred percent and running in a 100 different directions is happy - it is too hard.
I found that I also had to stop reading all the other feel-good-look-like-they-have-it- all blogs helped. I love reading about successful entrepreneurs but enough already with how wonderful and easy it is. Not true.
Jamie R Lentzner | January 9th, 2009 at 7:00 pm
Amen. Unfortunately, I came to the same conclusion myself (See blog: http://upwithmoms.blogspot.com/2009/01/this-ones-gotta-stick.html).
But here’s what’s bothering me about the “We can’t have it all” thing. How come my husband has a challenging and successful career, yet finds time to exercise and do all the things he enjoys? Why can he have it all and I can’t?
Amy@UWM | January 11th, 2009 at 7:40 pm
A Lost Writer - illness is what FORCED me to re-prioritize. I can’t very well be the A+ mom and employee when I’m stuck in my bed. I only had a few hours a day where I didn’t feel like I was dying (or already dead). I had to squeeze in family and work. It really showed my what was important… and what was really just noise.
Jamie - I agree with you about those “I’m so perfect, look at my perfect perfectness” blogs are not at all appealing to me. I want to hear about the nitty gritty along with the accomplishments. It’s can’t be all bad… but it sure isn’t champagne & roses either.
Amy - I told my boss the other day that in my next life, I want to be a working dad. Way the easier role. Of course she reminded me that in my next life, fathers will most likely be pulling more weight and I won’t get that easier parenting job. PS. Love your post. Spot on, sistah!
robynroark | January 12th, 2009 at 11:35 am
I love this post! My only resolution for 2009 is to SIMPLIFY! No more feeling like I have to prove to everyone that I can work FT, keep a clean house and be mother/wife of the year. Some things have to just be dropped. I’ve reprioritized and have decided that social obligations are what I’m going to do less of. No more scheduling dinners out with friends/family every day of each weekend. I need ME time. I had 2 pajama days this weekend and only left the house to go grocery shopping. I played tag with my little boy, snuggled, read and watched a lot of TV. It was FANTASTIC!
Thanks again for the post!
Stacey | January 12th, 2009 at 11:56 am
I was thinking along the similar lines, but to me it boiled down to putting myself first before trying to have it all and be all to everyone. My son is 3 years old now and yesterday was the second time since his birth I had a real long bath, don’t even ask me if I have ever gone for a night out… So instead of just simplifying, I’m making sure that I prioritize myself along with other things that are important in my life. I noticed that since I had that frame of mind I look differently at many things: dinner that I like is quite healthy - I’m not trying to satisfy everyone’s craving, after doing my exercises I have tons more energy to play with my son, and he actually enjoys seeing me exercising at home and joins in from time to time. Even at work things that I like to do get done really well and others somehow happen quickly and get delegated. So that’s my goal for this year, to make sure that I care for myself first and being able to take care of everyone else better is the result that I’ll see.
Maria | January 12th, 2009 at 1:38 pm
I LOVE this post. I am realizing the same thing with my life but coming to slightly different conclusions. I have always had difficulty with working over time and would easily get overwhelmed and have breakdowns. My son is now two years old and I am completely overwhelmed with trying to work full-time and be the type of mom I want to be. I had a complete nervous breakdown last November and I am still recovering from the anxiety. I can’t afford to be a complete SAHM and probably would go crazy without adult interaction on intellectual stimulation often. Therefore, I have decided that my ultimate goal is to find a part-time position that offers me better peace of mind, balance, and still contributes to the finances. Has anyone done this successfully? How did it change your life?
Jojo | September 6th, 2011 at 11:55 am