with Britt Reints
Forget the 9 to 5; Full Time, All the Time is a blog about the mobile working life - when you have the freedom to work from anywhere and the responsibility of always having your smartphone turned on. Britt Reints works as a freelance writer while traveling fulltime in an RV with her husband and two kids. She explores balancing real-life bills with an unconventional work life, and finding time to maintain relationships with family and friends.
You can also find Britt at InPursuitOfHappiness.net.
Categories: balance, economy, flextime, relationships, the juggle, working mom
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I had to take a morning off this week to register my son for Kindergarten. A month ago, I had to take an afternoon off to get the last of the immunizations required to register him for Kindergarten. Two months ago I had to wake up at 5am to stand in line to get an appointment to register him for Kindergarten. Plus I spent a few more hours filling out form after form, getting original copies of all our bills for proof of residency, and checking then re-checking we had everything we needed to register him for local public school.
If Kindergarten is this complicated, then I’m never gonna survive college applications.
The last two months have been so stressful in our house. I’ve got a pretty good grasp on our day-to-day operations. As long as there isn’t any emergency or last-minute schedule change, I tend to do pretty good at balancing what I’m balancing. But the amount of work that went into just getting ready to register my son for school nearly put me over the edge.
How I am ever going to make it through the school-age years working full-time?
Lately I’ve been thinking back to my own childhood. My mom was a SAHM until I was about 8. I remember her picking me up from school, volunteering in my classroom, and being the leader of my Girl Scout troop. I remember coming home to a snack already on the table and a mom ready to help me with my homework if I asked for it. I remember when my mom went back to college to pursue her own career dreams and how much that killed me that I lost a bit of my mom.
These memories almost always lead me down a dangerous path. I fantasize about going part-time or quitting the workforce entirely and becoming a SAHM. I’ve done the numbers over and over again… we could afford reducing my hours at work to 30. But we’ll cut our saving potential – which in this economy just doesn’t seem like the right thing to do. Going part-time at my company is almost always associated with career suicide. I can expect to be passed up on promotions if I reduce my hours. Still being in the “money-making” career-propelling years of my life, will I be hurting my long-term earning potential? When my friends and co-workers start getting promoted to Director levels, will I be stuck as a Sr. Project Manager forever?
Then again, considering how much time I’ve had to take off just to get him into school, I’m not sure I can afford to stay full-time. Will all my vacation days be used to cover In-Service Days and the four week-long breaks? I don’t even have that much vacation time available!
I don’t have any answers and am nowhere near ready to make a decision. I don’t know if I’ll have the answer before my son starts school in August. Or if I’ll be crying about more than my baby being a big boy on the first day of school.
Where is his father?
You didn’t make the child on your own, so his father should be involved in this too.
Many hands make light work.
Uhura | April 3rd, 2009 at 12:39 pm
This is so true! I work 50-plus hours a week but it’s all on my terms so I could take yesterday morning to pick up the kindergarten packet and next week to bring the kid to orientation. I think other parents must have to send their nannies because the schools all seem to set meetings at 10 am or some other impossible time for FT working moms. (Why can’t the school mail the packet, I wonder?)
Katherine | April 3rd, 2009 at 12:43 pm
I don’t have answers for you either. Wouldn’t it be great if there were an easy way to handle this dilemma? My husband used vacation days to cover our children’s parent-teacher conferences, my school’s conferences, and days that I had staff development and the kids were off from school. Being a teacher doesn’t necessarily make the scheduling easier, although it did give me the same Spring and Winter breaks as my kids had. Part time might be worth your while; look into it. Seriously.
Daisy | April 3rd, 2009 at 2:46 pm
Now, granted, my husband is a SAHD, but this is what I know from talking to other parents where neither can stay home.
1. Make friends with the SAH parents. Most of them (and I speak from experience) don’t mind setting up a playdate with your child for a random day off from school. It’s nice to reciprocate when you can - maybe on a weekend - to give the SAH parent a break as well.
2. I know around here the YMCA offers child care (at a cost) for days when there is no school as well as before and after school care.
3. If you have grandparents or aunts/uncles at least semi close by that don’t work, then Spring Break or a week of winter break might be the perfect time to plan for your child to spend a few days (and nights) with them (if they are willing). My in-laws love it when they get to spend a few days with my step-daughter.
However, if you can afford and it is something you feel strongly about, see about going part-time. Even if you only do it for a year and then re-evaluate the cost/benefit.
Jenni | April 3rd, 2009 at 4:26 pm
Uhura - his father has zero flexibility in his job. It’s a highly political place where people show their faces at the office each and every day. His father currently does daycare drop off and pick up. But when school starts, I’ll be closer to my son’s school than my spouse so I’ll take the bulk of the work (just like his father has in the preschool years).
Katharine - I feel your pain. I understand why teachers want conferences during their working day, but considering that the majority of the households in my neighborhood (and thus reflecting in our neighborhood school) are two working parents, you’d think they’d offer a bit more flexibility.
Daisy - my father is a highschool AP and often takes my son during the week-long holidays. I LOVE the idea of part-time but a 25% paycut and 0 chance of advancement makes the decision feel like a double-edge sword.
Jenni - great advice. I’ve often thought about waiting to make the decision until my son enters 1st grade when he’s in school for the full-day. I’ll definitely be scoping out the SAHM’s on the first day of school.
robynroark | April 4th, 2009 at 12:05 am
Robyn, It just seems complicated at first. You’ll get into a routine where you are comfortable. I have a 4th grader and a 1st grader. I do most of the school stuff…my husband does some, but we seem to fall into the habits that we’ve built over the years (from when his job was more time consuming). I work at least 50 hours a week, but have some flexibility in my job. Honestly, I don’t mind taking vacation days sometimes to spend a day off with the boys. And I LOVE going on their field trips, so sometimes I’ll take a partial day off then, and do some work from home.
Take advantage of other working Moms, and let them take advantage of you. You can trade days, and the kids like playing with their friends on days off. There are also lots of parents who telecommute (or can telecommute if they want to). They are usually open to helping out, or trading.
Also, find a good college student or older high school student to help out. We use someone like this for after school. She can be at the house after school, help with homework, get a snack or early dinner, and make sure they get to whatever practices they might have in the early evening. She usually has some of the same days off so some times the boys will spend the day with her when school is out.
Karla E | April 4th, 2009 at 8:41 pm
I’m a total stress case who does not multi-task well; I know myself well enough to know I could NEVER handle the stress of working full-time with school-age (or under) kids in the family–I’d drive myself and everyone around me crazy. Therefore, I’ve made the choice to be home full-time even though it means we save VERY minimally and I’m sure the decision WILL affect my future career growth and earning potential. (I do a little part-time freelance writing and consulting work.) It’s all about one’s own personal strengths, weaknesses, and priorities. You have to do what makes you happy in the present, though–life is short! Good luck and hang in there! My “baby” is going off to kindergarten in the fall too, and it IS stressful!
Shannon | April 5th, 2009 at 5:24 pm
You know..this is a funny topic, because it’s one that all too often comes back around for me. I think it must for all working mothers. For me, I love to work. I love what I do, and I enjoy the reward it brings. However, I have two little girls that while typing this, I have a big smile on my face, because I adore them, and all the things they bring into my life. I have often fantasized of what it would be like to not work and stay at home. I think of all the things I will teach my girls, how far excelled they have to be if I stay home and school them, and everything in between. I can test those waters being a working mom who works for herself. Even with that luxury of being self employed, I feel that I’m a better mother working than I would be a SAHM. (Personal choice
) I’ve long since learned, with much discussion from passionate SAHM, that I don’t feel guilty for that choice anymore. Of course, having said that, I am self employed, and with that, comes the benefit of schedule. I don’t ignore that, but I do put in 50+ hours a week, even if it is blogging after 11pm at night. 
Just food for thought.
Cynthia Johnson | April 5th, 2009 at 9:53 pm
It’s a tough dilemma . . . the only way we can get through it sanely is by getting some help - - husband, friends, family, neighbors, other parents - - maybe even hire some parttime help. It makes a big difference.
Elaine at Lipstickdaily | April 6th, 2009 at 11:43 am
I’ve been a SAHM for 14 years and am about to go back to work full time. I feel like I’m certified crazy to even think about it because we have 6 children. Ages are 18,14,12,11,9 and 4. It’s been on and off my mind for the last two years but now with the economy I just feel compelled to do it.
My husband is self employed in the construction field and we’ve seen a 30% decrease in business.. My field is in healthcare and offers security and benefits. I have my father and a previous nanny type women to be with my 4 year old, take her to pre-school 2 days a week and hang out with her. They would also help the other kids after school. Even though my husband’s business is slow he is still busy enough not to be home a whole lot. He thinks it’s a bad idea but like I said I feel compelled for so many reasons. Am I crazy and will this be detrimental to my kids or will it as I hope open up doors to all of us for growth and change?
Lisa Costello | April 6th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
Robyn
I have been there - and oh feel like I can write books on this topic. I have been following your whostheboss blog.
We have 2 kids so our situation was a bit more complicated. I work full time, and last year enrolled our daughter in one of the “esteemed Cupertino lottery schools”. Hopefully your school has appropriate after school care, ours did not. So in our case along with juggling the regular 2 kids+FT work working parent situation, come start of school year we were told that we did not get the CDC, and it should not have been our expectation in the first place. Couple this with random staff learning days, conf half days, and so many breaks during the school year, there was no way we could line up any kind of work schedule which matched up with the school.
I had to go PT for a while till we could hire a nanny ($$$$). I did the math too - just like you had figured out that 30hr was just fine, if I took care of my kid after school. But with 2 kids in 2 different school, different holidays etc we could not keep up with this without proper after school care, and went with a nanny who helped us tremendously. I joke that I work to keep the nanny paid, but in reality having her around helps a lot with the kids and when one of us has to travel.
In Silicon Valley high tech - there is nothing PT except salary - I was overloaded, and could not keep up. Also so true about going PT being a career suicide here. ( I think I permanently lost my track to anything more than a project lead at that time). We figured it was still better for me to go back FT, hire a nanny to help out, and in the net still manage to save some amount. At least it gave me sanity, and allowed me to continue work till I wanted too. I too dream of one day becoming a SAHM like my mom - but I want that to be when I want - not because the public school system requires that.
Anyway - keep up with it, it only gets more interesting. Wait till you see the PTA and SSC parent or school politics involved, and the major segregation at school of working couples versus single working parent scheduling. Book fairs during the day, volunteer training during the day, wait till you see how little is designed to accommodate working moms at our local public schools.
Momof2kids | April 6th, 2009 at 3:33 pm
After-school care (for elementary school kids) is quite common around here–either at a center (they pick the kids up from school) or a home daycare (ditto).
I am lucky that I get off work at 3:00pm, so our need for after-school care should be minimal (depends on when school gets out). As for inservice days, I can always bring her to work with me if I need to on the odd day off (my bosses don’t mind). By the time she is school-aged, she will be able to be occupied with books, puzzles, and videos during my work day. There are also home daycares that will do “drop-in” days, if I can find someone I like. Summers she will spend at the local church’s day camp. (I am a public school teacher, but I don’t get summer off.) At least I get the Winter Break and Spring Break, so those won’t be a problem.
There are lots of options! You will figure out a way to make it work. Good luck!
Robyn | April 6th, 2009 at 4:32 pm
women have always worked and had children. difference was we could take them with us. nowadays its unacceptable. for thousands of years kids toiled alongside their mothers.
give yourself a break. you are doing fine. mothers can be bitches to themselves and to other mothers.
portland | April 6th, 2009 at 5:40 pm
Robyn - One thing that helped me (that I stumbled upon quite by accident) was finding a high school (not college-age) babysitter. I found my babysitter for the 2 or so Saturdays a month that my husband and I have “date nights.” However, we found that, often, she has the same days off from school that my son has (breaks and Monday holidays). Also…she was willing to sit during these times and she is very dependable. Although this doesn’t help with emergencies and the odd half-day, lining her up for the breaks has taken a tremendous amount of pressure off of us.
Pat | April 7th, 2009 at 8:52 am
Oops that should read high school (now college age)
Our babysitter went to a local public college that keeps the same schedule as the local public schools…
Pat | April 7th, 2009 at 8:53 am
Have you checked into the school’s child care program? Most districts in my area have a very affordable child care program that takes care of the kids at school anytime from 6Am to 6PM. The district I work for has special coverage on half days. (Not in-service and vacation days. Thought they have a fabulous summer day camp.)
Meg | April 7th, 2009 at 1:43 pm
I had that to deal with when I initially registered my son for kindergarten (at the suggestion of a teacher at school who knew our situation) he didn’t get to actually get listed for kindergarten, because he wouldn’t turn 5 until 2 weeks after, so, I ended up putting him on the list for pre k and long story short, about a week after school started, a neighboring school ended up with an opening in the afternoon. I had just started working overnight so it was almost a God-send (or so I thought)…it’s not fun spending 2 days a week with broken sleep (taking daughter to school, coming home and sleeping for 2 hours, then back up again to take son to school, back in bed again for 2 hours, and up again to pick them both up from school)–so, I look forward to this fall, they will both be going to the same school ALL DAY….my body won’t know how to act getting consistent sleep….lol….
Charity | April 8th, 2009 at 3:50 pm
I love this article. It’s very useful
Mike | November 3rd, 2009 at 12:07 pm
this question has just come up in my household. I have two primary school aged kids and thought working full time would not be a problem. I love my job - year one teacher - but i realise that i am too exhausted most days to play with my children. I think that if mothers can afford not to work - they shouldn’t till kids reach secondary school at least. It’s so important to provide your children with a loving, clean, happy, healthy household every night - a full time job! This is optimum and I don’t diss anyone that can’t afford that luxury.
candice | March 28th, 2010 at 12:58 am