Full Time, All the Time
with Britt and Robyn
I'm Britt. I work full time as a mom, wife, blogger and salesperson with a fancy management title. And I'm Robyn. I work as a project manager and between corporate meetings manage to cook a home-made meal every day. This blog is about our experiences of juggling full-time work with family.
Check out our personal blogs:
Miss Britt and Who's the Boss?
Maybe it’s because I was basically raised by a single mother.
Or maybe it’s just because I have a more dominant personality than my husband.
Whatever the reason, I’ve come to realize that I tend to think of my two children as my kids first, our kids second, and his kids when I am blaming their forgetfulness on his genes.
When it comes to making decisions about discipline, I am the long arm of the law in my house and I have final say on how poor behavior will be handled. By the same token, when a child is sick or summer vacation leaves me with a 9 year old who needs child care during the day, it’s my job to figure out how to adjust work schedules and make new arrangements.
I’m not saying it’s fair - I’m just acknowledging that it’s how it is.
I’ve talked to other women and other mothers about this territorial instinct and received mixed responses. Some women confirm that I am crazy and being unfair to my husband, while others nod their head in understanding. It seems most of the women who empathize with my possessive nature were raised by single mothers themselves or are remarried and naturally feel the difference between a biological parent and a step parent.
The problem is, I am neither a single mother nor raising my children with a stepfather.
Our children are our children.
Technically.
OK, OK, more than technically. I know. And my poor husband is an active father and a first rate family man. There’s no doubt that his family and his children are his number one priority. He has given me absolutely no reason to feel like I’m in this alone.
And still…
Push come to shove, those babies are mine.
I’m not sure how to let go of this neurosis and fully share parenting - and all that entails - with my husband.
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Interesting. I was raised by a single mom, but I don’t feel this way. I wonder if it’s because I had post-partum depression and having Mister take over for me was a relief. Possibly it’s the fact that Lil’ M worships his dad.
More likely it’s a control thing. I lost the illusion that I could control anything after that child was born.
Finn | June 10th, 2009 at 9:50 am
I also have this control thing. He can do whatever with our (my) child as long as it is my way. But I can blame him for less involvement in raising our son and actually less interest in his development. I’m the one to look into gifts, activities, vacation, development, health etc. I book appointments, arrange and pay for classes, come up with holiday/birthday plans. I think if he was equally involved and we shared more views on raising kids, I’d be less controlling. But at this point if it’s not my way it’s the wrong way and that’s something that I have difficulty tolerating around my child.
Maria | June 11th, 2009 at 11:11 am
Maria - I’m the same way. I think *I* am the one who read the books and attended the classes and researched parenting methods and blah blah blah.
Miss Britt | June 11th, 2009 at 11:13 am
Hehe, Let me start by saying you are echoing my story to some extent. Well i am married to a wonderful family man with an adorable daughter, but yes, i am “controlling” and consider the child as mine more than ours. The way to control them, install good habits etc, should be my way. I realised this soon enough, and now everytime he is playing with her or correcting her behaviour, i check myself and say: He knows what to do as well, per my stance, it might not be right, but hey he is trying and it may actually work out and she will not throw the leftover food from the high chair to the ground.
And yes, i have been braught up with a set of parents and am in happy healthy relationship. I think its more personality trait than anything else. I am the one who is the planner, the scheduler, the executor. I enjoy doing it and ensure husband is involved in the project, since it will be me sending him a calendar entry for the art show which he CANNOT miss.
My husband understands, so to say, he gets my nature, there will be times when the water went over his head, and he will tell me so. Hence i retreat and ensure that we BOTH are in this together and more i alienate him from the parenting thing, the bigger grave of responsibility i am digging for myself.
So chill,and enjoy the afternoon at the salon while your husband chills with the kids. But be prepared for the house mess all the kids(even the big one-hubby dearest)created for you in pretext of an art project
GNSD | June 11th, 2009 at 2:55 pm
i think it’s less how you were raised and more just how you are
If i didn’t commute so far to/from work and HAD to leave daycare interactions to my husband (and much child care at night) then i would be right where you are, controlling and organizing and doing it MY way! and i would LOVE IT (and probably be annoyed at him at the same time).
I get over my annoyance at things not being done my way because i figure it’s good for me and it’s good for our son. Now i just leave very detailed instructions and get annoyed when i forget something!
yes, i realize, i may be a tad bit control freakish lol
Kate | June 15th, 2009 at 11:16 am
Before I became I mom, I never would have understood this post…but…I get it.
Sarcastica | June 17th, 2009 at 12:37 am
This seems to be the way things are in most families in my experience. For me, it’s harder, especially when it comes to Travis because he *was* only mine for so long. [insert long complicated story about family making it hard for Mike to be his real dad before we were married here]
Anyway, Mike and Jared are like two peas in a pod.
And I really don’t have anything else to add because I only hand over the reins when my mental stability is past breaking point. So, if you figure out how to not be the everything around the house, let me know please
Sheila | June 17th, 2009 at 8:54 am