Full Time, All the Time
with Britt and Robyn
I'm Britt. I work full time as a mom, wife, blogger and salesperson with a fancy management title. And I'm Robyn. I work as a project manager and between corporate meetings manage to cook a home-made meal every day. This blog is about our experiences of juggling full-time work with family.
Check out our personal blogs:
Miss Britt and Who's the Boss?
If I’m having problems at home, it is almost always reflected in my work.
I have a hard time concentrating. I don’t have the ambition to do more than the bare minimum. My productivity and effectiveness take a serious hit.
Ideally, I would have a universal remote for life that allowed me to hit pause on my work life whenever personal issues needed to be dealt with, and vice versa. Unfortunately, Wal-Mart seems to be all out of Life Remotes.
In the absence of a magical pause button, what’s the best way to keep your personal life from negatively impacting your work life?
I turned to Google for help with this post, and one answer popped up over and over again:
Keep your personal life separate from work. All of the experts advise not to talk about your home life with co-workers. Work when you’re at work and leave everything personal at the door.
Well, crap.
I’ve blown that boundary out of the water. I’ve always had co-workers who were also close friends. My current boss is also my best friend; he was my friend before he was my boss. It’s not at all uncommon for us to have personal conversations in the middle of the work day.
If you have yet to cross that bridge, I suppose the answer is… don’t.
(Of course, because I am a genius and an expert, I recently said that if you feel like you hate your job you should try to make friends with people at work, which probably means you should skip the posts I write and jump right to the comments because clearly, I am an idiot.)
But enough about me. What should you do if, like me, you’ve already brought your personal life into the office and are looking for other ways to keep your personal life from affecting your work?
1. Stop talking about your personal life during work hours. If you’ve developed friendships with your co-workers and they are the people you feel you need to vent to, do it after hours or during lunches you take away from the office. Make your office space a personal free zone.
2. Give yourself physical cues to switch from personal brain to work brain. For some people, this can be as easy as putting on a uniform. I work from home a few days a week and my job doesn’t require a uniform, but making the point of getting dressed for work helps me switch gears. Maybe it’s something as simple as putting on a name tag and taking it off at the end of the day, or putting your office keys in your pocket and leaving them at the front door when you get home.
3. Make your home a work free zone. In as much as you need to be effective at work, you also need to have the freedom and space to work through your personal issues. If you work from home, designate work free hours where you can focus entirely on your personal life.
4. Set - and write down - goals for yourself at work. Ideally, this is something you practice regularly. But when you’re having trouble concentrating, writing down goals become even more useful in helping you stay on task. It will also help you avoid just going through the motions at work.
5. If all else fails, take time off work. Obviously, you can’t call in sick every time you and your spouse have a disagreement. But there are times when personal issues are bigger than what you can handle on nights and weekends. If you’re dealing with something huge (like divorce, serious illness, or the death of a loved one), it might be time to take some time off work. How much time you need probably depends on the enormity of the personal issue you’re dealing with, your job’s flexibility, and how long you realistically need to get over the hump. Your situation may warrant a few days, a temporary part time schedule, or a more formal leave of absence.
These are a few ideas I’ve come up with - and I have clearly demonstrated my wisdom and expertise at great length here.
What suggestions do you have for keeping your personal life from affecting your work life?
Photo by Miss Britt (that’s me) on Flickr
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You know… this is REALLY hard for me because I work WITH my husband and FOR my father. So the lines are really very blurry. We tried setting rules before we started this whole arrangement and for the most part we stick to them. Whenever we get together with my parents, we make a very concerted effort not to discuss work.
But with Patrick, it’s harder. The “normal” is to have the “How was your day, dear” discussion when you get home. But I was there. I KNOW how his day was. So we try to not talk about work after we’ve been home for an hour. Sure we break that rule some, that’s bound to happen. But we had to be realistic and allow ourselves at least a small window to compare our days. That’s just part of being a normal couple, right?
So I guess our trick is being realistic about it. Work is a big part of both of our lives and if we were to just say NO, OFF LIMITS, we would just be setting ourselves up for failure.
Susannah | August 26th, 2009 at 7:59 am
I haven’t figured this out. I live in the same house as my business partners. I work most days in a home “office” that doubles as my bedroom. My kids are here all day with their nanny. I don’t even try to separate work life from home life. It’s more an effort to integrate them in the healthiest possible way.
I do notice that I find it a lot easier to detach from home life when I physically go to the downtown office. But there are so many cons against going to the office most of the time. Maybe once the kids are in offsite day care (starting in September), it will be easier to detach during the work day.
One thing about me, though - I can compartmentalize emotional stuff - like if I just had an argument with the same person who needs the report I’m working on, I can still do a bang-up job on the report. Some of my colleagues become practically disabled during times of personal upheaval, but I can pretty much work right through. I’m more likely to get distracted by the fun stuff (e.g., my kids’ brilliant sayings, mommy chats on the internet) than the bad stuff. I think this is just how I was wired, versus a strategy that I apply. I can remember my mom getting furious that I could be so impassive while others were upset.
SKL | August 26th, 2009 at 8:21 am
I use social media a lot for my businesses, which tends to turn into a distraction if I’m not careful. I find that if I force myself to pick up the phone and call someone–a client, an adjuster, an opposing counsel, whomever–I’m jolted back into work mode right away. Since I’m an “E” on Myers-Briggs, I derive energy from talking to people, so it helps in that regard, too. Hope that helps someone!
Re: working at home, I’m guilty…usually at night after kids lie down. So, I have to get away from both my house and my office in order to relax and wind down.
Father Muskrat | August 26th, 2009 at 8:33 am
Um, as a “fully integrated” human being, it’s impossible for me to slice and dice my life and emotions like this. What are we, robots?
My worklife affects my personal life. My personal life affects my worklife. I think the whole idea of never-the-two-shall-meet is very antiquated and very testosterone-driven.
I don’t mean if you’re having marriage problems you should bring it up at the board meeting, but if you are, maybe you should mention it to your boss without specifics so that he/she understands that you haven’t just been taken over by aliens or something.
I think the ideas of setting goals and making lists when you’re emotionally distraught make it easier to get through those hard days, as long as you add “shut the door and cry” or “take a walk” to the list.
lynn @ human, being | August 26th, 2009 at 11:13 am
I’m having that problem a lot lately. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and have been taken advantage of (or at least I feel that way).
I used to think I had friends that were co-workers…but I was SOOOO wrong….I can NOT trust anyone here anymore…sigh…but at least my personal life doesn’t suck at the moment.
Thanks for the tips- I’ll try to remember that at the company cookout today…:s
Gia Saulnier | August 27th, 2009 at 7:47 am
I was just thinking about how long it takes to clear up arguments now with the DH. with getting ready for work/daycare, working all day, picking up kids, getting dinner done, getting the kids out of the way to just talk to him takes forever. and by time we get there, I have no more patience left and can only think of how this is screwing up my schedule and I will be up waay too late finishing those dishes and the laundry that he is not doing becuase he is mad at me. the night ends with a bad conversation that isnt really a reconciliation… theen the cycle starts all over tomorrow becuase now I am soo tired from staying up late, rush to get ready, he isnt helping becuase he is pouting, i say something stupid and hurtful and yipee, i get to go to work after droping a clingy screaming toddler who didnt get to see the best parts of his parents that morning off at daycare to be greeted by emails of co workers sluffing off their responsiblilities to me becuase I called them out on doing it the ethical or correct way. all the while thinking about how this is why good couples get divorced over the stupid daily things. and how can i make sure that doesnt happen to me but at the same time to not be a doormat and let the husband run all over me. boy that co worker better stick to emails becuase if she comes in here, she might hear the rath, i didnt get out last night. and after learning the hard way… no, not ever, do you tell anyone you are having problems at home. if you kids are sick, go for it, we all need them to remember we have other responsiblities. but they do not need to know the messiness of it.
cricket | August 27th, 2009 at 10:56 am
Now, here’s a great topic! Here it is ladies, folks at work are NOT your friends and will not HOLD SECRETS about your personal life. I am a working mom of2 - with a hubby who works night shifts for 20 bucks a night *after taxes* part time for a major shipping company. I am the bread winner -
WIth that said, I am the ONLY working MOM in my staff - with HUGE responsibilities - Everyone knows I am the breadwinner - Knows that I am am a wife and cook every evening and have a huge committment to my family - WHAT THEY DON’T know is that I’m struggling to make ends meet - trying not to cry about my finances and trying to pay the mortgage - sneaking on the company phone to pay utility bills and negotiating with the mortgage company to accept smaller payments -
I dress very well - from years of taking care of my clothes and shooz and shopping at the GOODwill - I can put it together well - AND I am always upbeat - positive - strong and non-stop a good colleague and teamplayer - If I were to let my guard down ONE minute and let them know anything about my situation at the bank or with my home - it would be alllll over - I love my job and the folks I work with - There’s a woman I work with whose hubby is at home all day - they don’t have kids and they just took a trip to Europe - She told everybody in the office how she was emptying out her savings to take the trip - and how broke they were going to be when they came back - she is now complaining about how broke they are now - and this chick makes more than me. All the guys are looking at her like, “Why doesn’t her hubby work or why did they go to Europe if they had no money?”
Me? I see how they penalize anyone for whining about their homelife, which teaches me to shut the heck up and take what I go through like a man - a WOman… So, no - Don’t mix the two worlds if you can help it - No matter how bad things at home are - how you cannot make ends meet, or anything that is bothering you about your hubby/partner - Folks at work will talk about you - treat you differently professionally - and always have in the back of their minds, “Geez, she’s weak and irresponsible.” — Don’t ever let them see you sweat.
I sweat constantly, but I wear a strong repellent - Faith in God to get me through to the next day.
LARRAH | August 29th, 2009 at 3:09 am
I wish I had known this for my first job. I agree with the sentiment of keeping the two separate.
Also learned this lesson the hard way, to add to the growing list.
Anon | August 31st, 2009 at 9:01 pm