Don’t tell me you have it harder. Or better. Or that you had no choice. Or that you sacrificed. Don’t tell me you’re a working mom or a stay at home one. Frankly, I just don’t care anymore. I’m over it. “It” being the debate in the Mommy Wars.
Opt-in to Motherhood. Opt-out of Work. Opt to whatever works for your family. On-ramp! Off-ramp! On-board! Oh my!
I don’t care. I won’t judge you. We can be friends no matter which side of the aisle you are on. It’s time for bi-partisan mommy peace talks.
Tell me you’re unhappy. Sometimes, I’m unhappy too. Tell me it was the best decision. It’s worked out great for me as well. Tell me you have regrets. Doesn’t that come with the job? (no pun intended).
I watched the Dr. Phil show last week as some of my fellow mommybloggers took sides on the age old Mommy War. Dr. Phil had titled the show about Mommy Guilt but the real essence of the show was the battle between SAHMs and Working Moms. A part of me thought it would better play out on Jerry Springer. At least then there’d be some entertainment to this stale debate.
I watched it. I cringed in a few places. Personally, I thought that Jessica Gottlieb was sanctimonious but I admired the size of her “cajones” to walk into a setting knowing she’ll be played as the villain. In the end, I turned off the show and walked away from the drama. I’m pretty sure that most of us moms – working or not, paid or not, at home or not, - are just way too busy to care about this anymore.
I’m not your average working mom. I don’t work the traditional 8 to 5. I have all the flexibility I need to have a career and a family. And I know that I am one of the lucky ones. I work in the corporate world, doing global work that requires early morning calls some days and late night calls on others. The nature of job allows for flexibility. So I can volunteer in the classroom, pick him up from school, and chaperone on the field trips. I’m not your average working momma.
In fact, I’ve yet to meet the “average working mom” or her nemesis the “average stay at home mom.” When you find them, I’d like to meet them. All of the moms I know have their own reasons for making their choices. Some felt like they had a choice. Some didn’t. Some felt pressured into their role. Some didn’t. Some secretly wish to be on the other side. Some are very happy with the decision and would never change it.
Instead of talking about how bad the “others” are, can we please change this discourse to how we can improve the lives of mothers everywhere? Paid employment or not, we all struggle. We all need a break. We all desire balance. We all are raising the next generation.
So I’m officially over the Mommy Wars. I don’t care if you are a SAHM, a WAHM, a WOHM, and all the combinations in between. It’s more than a truce. It’s a potential friendship. Frankly, I’m a damn good friend. Are you?