I’ve been learning about the importance of expectations in marriage counseling.  Specifically, I’ve been learning about how important it is to make your expectations known, clearly, if you have any hope of them being met.

What, if anything, does this have to do with women who work full time?

I’m starting to learn that expectations and boundaries go hand in hand, and that boundaries are crucial for a good work/life balance.

I do a lot of my work from home.  I work a full time job from my home several days a week and juggle several part time and freelance writing jobs that are done at home on nights and weekends.  As I’ve mentioned before, almost all of my work is done on my laptop.

When I’m working, I need to concentrate.  I need to, to a certain extent, be left alone so that I can work.  During the week, when the rest of my family is at work or school, this is not a problem.  However, if I’m working at night or on a weekend morning - something my husband understands and is supportive of - the “being left alone” part gets a little tricky.

The biggest problem is, no one seems to know when I’m really working and really need to be allowed to concentrate.

I’ve tried saying “I’m going to work this morning while you guys are watching TV.”  I’ve tried saying “OK, I’ll be working for the next two hours and when I’m done we’ll do XYZ activity.”  I thought I was making my expectations of being left alone clear.  I thought I was establishing clear time boundaries that “this is work time”, in order to make life easier for everyone.

And yet, while I was working, either my husband or my children would inevitably find that it was imperative to tell me about this funny thing that they just saw on TV.  Right now.  When I got frustrated and pointed out to my husband that I was, as I’d said earlier, trying to work, he apologized.  And then 20 minutes later told me about the amazing touchdown pass he just saw on ESPN.

Rinse, repeat.

This past Saturday found my family in this same cycle.  We’d set up our weekend plans, beginning with my work time coinciding with their free for all time, and then their free for all time and desire for small talk colliding with my efforts to concentrate on work.

“I’m working,” I reminded them.

“Oh, sorry.  I didn’t know,” my husband apologized.

“But I told you I was going to be working and you said that was OK.”

My husband then explained how it is difficult to tell when I’m working and when I’m just “screwing around on the computer”.  He also explained that it’s hard to know when I’m doing casual work that can be interrupted, and when I really need to concentrate and be left alone.

We came up with an interesting solution.

I wrote the word “WORKING” on a yellow piece of paper.  We agreed that when I was doing the type of work that required quiet and concentration, I would put the sign up, and everyone in the house would make an effort to respect that boundary.  Obviously, if someone is in danger of losing a limb or bleeding out, that’s more important than anything I’m working on.

What this experience taught me is that it’s very important to make sure everyone is aware of one another’s expectations, and that sometimes we need to make boundaries more recognizable than verbal lines.  It was also a reminder that when you are working at home, it’s really easy for those lines to get blurred, and you have to make an extra effort to make sure everyone is on the same page.

Hanging a sign in your home might seem silly, but it’s also been a physical reminder to me to be aware of when I am and am not available to my family.  It’s hard to admit sometimes that we are not available to our loved ones, but trying to be semi available and concentrate on your work often leaves everyone feeling like they’re getting less than enough.

If you do work at home, how do you establish boundaries for your family?  Do you have a hard time finding the time and space to be productive if your family is around?