with Britt Reints
Forget the 9 to 5; Full Time, All the Time is a blog about the mobile working life - when you have the freedom to work from anywhere and the responsibility of always having your smartphone turned on. Britt Reints works as a freelance writer while traveling fulltime in an RV with her husband and two kids. She explores balancing real-life bills with an unconventional work life, and finding time to maintain relationships with family and friends.
You can also find Britt at InPursuitOfHappiness.net.
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I usually have a lot going on in my life. I’m a mother, wife, daughter, sister, and friend. I work. I travel and write for fun. I make sure to manage my health with a balanced diet, a little exercise, and adequate rest so as not to sink into the depths of depression. I have been known to cook a meal, wash a load of laundry, and clean a toilet or two when necessary.
No doubt about it; I’m busy.
But, isn’t everyone?
No, really. I’m asking. Because I don’t consider myself anymore busy than most people in today’s society -most of us wear multiple hats and juggle several responsibilities at the same time - and yet I’ve noticed lately that other people comment frequently on how busy I am.
“I didn’t call because I knew you were busy.”
“I really appreciate what you did because I know how busy you are.”
“I don’t want to ask because you’re so busy.”
I’ve been told more than once that I “have a lot going on” - and I do - but I don’t think I have more going on than the average person.
So why do I appear to be busier than most people?
I have to admit, this bothers me a little. I wonder if I’m doing a lot of complaining or coming off as frenzied, neither of which I particularly want to do. Are my interactions with people rushed? I don’t want my perceived busyness to make me less approachable to the people I care about. I don’t want people to assume that I value my time more than theirs, because I don’t. I know we all have stuff to do and we make adjustments and arrangements to fit in the things that matter most to us. I appreciate that your schedule is just as packed and equally as precious as my own.
I don’t want the reputation of a busy person.
Efficient? Active? Productive? Sure. But not busy - and certainly not too busy.
I’m never too busy for the things that matter most. It’s important to me that the people who matter know that.
I get this all the time, Britt, and it makes me really uncomfortable because a) I know I don’t have more going on than the average person, though maybe it seems that way because a lot of what I do is visible, and possibly has a ring of glamor to it (you know, the exciting writer’s life. ha ha) and b) I try hard to cultivate a sense of peace and calm and not frenetic, complainy “busy-ness”, though I admit, there are times when I have to just admit to the world: hey, I’m a little insane at the moment, not complaining, just warning. It’ll pass.
I think maybe people use the “I know you’re busy” line because they’re trying to respect our boundaries and give us an out. Maybe it’s not about us at all, but about them trying to be nice?
Meagan @ The Happiest Mom | March 23rd, 2011 at 12:34 pm
I think that Meagan hit the nail on the head. What you do is very visible. You’re here, there and everywhere, so the perception is that you have a lot of balls in the air all the time.
I’m constantly moving myself, but I’m more on the down low than you are so I’m kind of stealth busy.
Megan | March 23rd, 2011 at 1:05 pm
I have noticed that because people think I am so busy that they also do not want to bother me … which I take as a welcome breather from when they will ask me to do something, which they will soon …
Dede | March 23rd, 2011 at 2:55 pm
I get the same comments fired my way. Heck, a few of the women I met in Toronto did the, “Wow! You’re busy!” statements when I explained that I work full time AND do freelance writing. Then I had to (”had” to?) explain that I don’t watch a lot of TV and it’s what I do for fun in the evenings.
Some people find their “down time” in watching TV or sewing or crafting or whatever. I think that those people view writing and such as work (which it is), but they don’t see it as something enjoyable. Maybe?
Angella | March 23rd, 2011 at 4:01 pm
I am not sure I’d see this as a bad thing. It means you have let people know that you have boundaries and can’t say yes to everything. You don’t want people to expect you to say yes to everything, do you? Because for any truly busy person, that’s a path toward much unpleasantness.
I am not sure exactly how it happened, but I too have been asked to do fewer favors in the last couple of years. Maybe it’s the fact that I quit half of the nonprofit boards I was on and can’t seem to find time for dinner with an old friend even once a year. Or maybe I did go through a period where I “complained” about how much I had to do. Well, it’s true. Most of my friends don’t have young children, or if they do, they don’t have a demanding career. The ones who do have both are even less accessible than I am.
SKL | March 23rd, 2011 at 10:56 pm
I know what you mean, one of my most hated comments is “How do you do it all!?!” It really baffles me, I’m not busier than other moms, I just do what I can and try to keep things in perspective… But apparently thats not an explanation people are expecting/wanting? Do they think I have a magical secret?
I try to look at the bright side of this, at work I’m asked to do less because I work with primarily men, but in the back of my head I’m thinking “Is this going to hurt my career in the long run? Do they think I can’t do as much because I’m a woman, or am I really busier than they are?”
Kara | March 29th, 2011 at 8:40 am