with Britt Reints
Forget the 9 to 5; Full Time, All the Time is a blog about the mobile working life - when you have the freedom to work from anywhere and the responsibility of always having your smartphone turned on. Britt Reints works as a freelance writer while traveling fulltime in an RV with her husband and two kids. She explores balancing real-life bills with an unconventional work life, and finding time to maintain relationships with family and friends.
You can also find Britt at InPursuitOfHappiness.net.
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I’ve been writing online since 2005. I started with an alias and did many of the reckless things that one does when they are anonymous - like talk smack about their mother. When my mother found my thinly veiled musings, I realized there was no such thing as being truly anonymous online. I decided to embrace that and threw myself out into the world with my words - warts and all.
Well, I don’t have warts, but I do suffer from depression. I’ve also been to marriage counseling, have a brother who has been arrested, and have had more than my fair share of struggles with self doubt. It’s easy to say that now, because I’ve already said it numerous times in black and white on my blog or one of the numerous other websites I write for.
Yeah, I’m authentic, baby. I’m real and raw, and I have fan letters that say that is fantastic.
I wonder, however, if it was also very stupid, at least professionally speaking.
Maybe a prospective client doesn’t want to work with someone who once laid in bed for a week, even though I’ve never let my depression interfere with a deadline. Perhaps my constant babbling about fears overshadows the fact that I’m actually good at what I do. I imagine it’s hard to see someone’s talent when they’re publishing laundry lists of their insecurities.
I worry, too, because it’s not 2005 anymore; I’ve grown as a person since I started documenting my every thought online. Sometimes being online feels a bit like going back to my old hometown: I have the shadows of who I was in the past following me. I could move away from my high school, but there’s no leaving the Internet behind.
Yes, I wonder if I have said too much.
But the words have already been written and read. There’s no unringing that bell.
The beauty of having been overexposed for so long is that I am less at risk to find myself in a work environment that is a horrible fit for me. I might not like the idea of missing out on opportunities because I’ve been a bit liberal with my personal sharing, but those are probably opportunities better suited for someone who doesn’t think child birth is suitable dinner conversation. Having a raw version of myself indexed by Google makes it harder to interview my way into a situation I’d eventually hate. Score one for authenticity.
The truth is, all of us have pieces of our past floating around us. Whether it’s old pictures we get tagged in on Facebook or the friend requests we choose to ignore, reminders of who we once were are everywhere. Sure, some people developed the wisdom of discretion sooner than others, but I suspect secret pasts are no less haunting than blogged ones. No matter how well or poorly we’ve hidden our beta versions, their remnants will always exist
The challenge now isn’t to convince potential clients and employers that I am capable of being professional or to make my colleagues see how much I’ve grown in the last decade. The trick, I think, is to remember that truth myself - and stop being afraid of who I was.
This is why I hesitate. When I first started blogging with my name in 2003, I owned my own business and never worried about it. When I decided to talk about my infertility and the problems in my marriage, I went anonymous and I haven’t come out since. I wonder sometimes which is better. I love having a place I can vent, but sometimes I feel less genuine because I am not “out”. I’ve thought about having more transparency in my online doings, but I worry about having things out there for current and future employers / colleagues.
While people make judgments about depression and your family, it’s more often they’d condemn someone for behavior they view as less than acceptable - which is what my blog is all about sometimes.
It’s hard to figure out where the line is for me personally, but I think you’ve handled it gracefully.
kateanon | May 23rd, 2012 at 10:20 am
Cheers to this! Well said!
Amanda | May 23rd, 2012 at 10:27 am
Kate - Ohhh, honey. There is plenty of evidence of less than desirable behavior on my blog, too.
Miss Britt | May 23rd, 2012 at 10:44 am
I’ve been living life online since 1999. There are people who know me from now about 5 different incarnations of me in that time. Sometimes I feel compartmentalized. I pushed away some of those past parts of me for a long time. I am growing my inner power now by embracing those past parts — past pains, challenges, triumphs — and feeling how they relate to the Me I am now. I would be less of that Me if I didn’t acknowledge the journey I took along the way.
I love when people share their journey the way you have. Authenticity rocks. Anyone who has a problem with that probably hasn’t truly faced some of their own stuff.
Talyaa | May 23rd, 2012 at 11:31 am
“The beauty of having been overexposed for so long is that I am less at risk to find myself in a work environment that is a horrible fit for me. I might not like the idea of missing out on opportunities because I’ve been a bit liberal with my personal sharing, but those are probably opportunities better suited for someone who doesn’t think child birth is suitable dinner conversation. Having a raw version of myself indexed by Google makes it harder to interview my way into a situation I’d eventually hate. Score one for authenticity.”
This is the way I try to look at it too. I try to be thoughtful with what I share online (and how I share it), but I don’t want to hide things either. I figure if someone wants to deny me an opportunity based on what I’ve written about my life, I’m not so sure I want to take their opportunity anyway.
I admire people who aren’t afraid to share their whole story, not just the best parts.
melissa | May 23rd, 2012 at 1:49 pm
Online makes it easier perhaps as well. If you’ve talked about your personal issues then there’s really nothing to “uncover.” I remember being told by an interviewer that, if hired, my entire life would be examined under a microscope (it was a high security position) and that no matter what I thought, they’d uncover something. Your post makes me wonder if I had put it all out there already there’d be less sense of embarassment or anxiety at what might be uncovered.
Mich | May 29th, 2012 at 1:32 pm