I hired a new coach recently. This one - actually, these three - were hired to help me formulate a business plan and figure out how I’m going to launch my upcoming book. (PS - I have a book coming out in a few months.) We spent six hours talking about messaging, branding, strategy, marketing, and all sorts of uber professional type things. It was great.
And then, right at the end of our meeting, someone pulled out a calculator and we started to talk about actual dollars and cents. And I started to cry.
I tried not to. I tried really, really hard not to. I tried to just be very quiet and to breathe more slowly so that the tears I could feel welling up wouldn’t spill out. I tried to shove down the panic that I couldn’t explain, the shame and the fear that were bubbling up with the salt water. But I couldn’t stop it. And the moment one of those coaches looked at me and said, "What’s going on?", the dam broke.
I’m still not exactly sure what was going on. Apparently I have money issues . Apparently I have incredibly deep-seated money issues that I don’t quite understand but that obviously need to be dealt with.
I don’t know when I’ve been more embarrassed. I don’t have a problem crying - in therapy, at weddings, during the finale of The Office - but I was mortified to find myself crying about money in a business meeting. I worried about making my coaches feel bad, and I worried about becoming the object of their pity. And I was ashamed to be revealing my complicated relationship with money to people who were supposed to help me make more of it (although, who better to know that info?).
It was a rough day, in other words.
Now, I’m working on putting the humiliation behind me and looking for tools to work through my money blocks. This is where you come in.
Do you have any recommendations for resources you’ve used to work through any emotional or mental problems you have around the topic of money? I know how to make a budget, save, blah blah blah. I know the mechanics of money. This is more underground. If you’ve dealt with something similar, I’d love to hear about it.