I’ve been learning about the importance of expectations in marriage counseling.  Specifically, I’ve been learning about how important it is to make your expectations known, clearly, if you have any hope of them being met.

What, if anything, does this have to do with women who work full time?

I’m starting to learn that expectations and boundaries go hand in hand, and that boundaries are crucial for a good work/life balance.

I do a lot of my work from home.  I work a full time job from my home several days a week and juggle several part time and freelance writing jobs that are done at home on nights and weekends.  As I’ve mentioned before, almost all of my work is done on my laptop.

When I’m working, I need to concentrate.  I need to, to a certain extent, be left alone so that I can work.  During the week, when the rest of my family is at work or school, this is not a problem.  However, if I’m working at night or on a weekend morning - something my husband understands and is supportive of - the “being left alone” part gets a little tricky.

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Hello my gorgeous, awesome, and totally put-together Full Time, All the Time readers.  It’s been a while hasn’t it?  I hope you haven’t forgotten about me while the fabulous Miss Britt held down the fort here.  I’ve been on an unexpected blogging hiatus.  I wish that I had witty reasons for my short-term leave of absence, but the truth is that life smacked in the face.  Then the gut.  Then push me down and kicked me some more.

In other words, I suffered through my first Summer Break as a working mom. Then right when I felt like I was getting it all in control, life sucker-punched me in the face with Kindergarten.

When my son finished preschool in June, we decided (and by “we” I mean, I thought I had the best idea ever) to let our son have a real summer.  We spent lots of time at the pool.  I spent countless hours shuttling between home and a morning-only summer camp.  We played outside with our neighbors.  Saw nearly every PG or G movie in the theaters. And my son finally found bravery to ride his bike without training wheels.  It was fantastic.

I also spent hours upon hours working late into the night to make up for the lost hours during the day. 
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Two weeks ago, I wrote about how important alone time is for me as a person, woman, mother and working mom.  It helps me find my center and refuel so that I have the mental and emotional energy I need to continue taking care of the people who count on me.

A woman named Monya left a comment on that post that broke my heart, and took me back to a point in my life when alone time seemed absolutely impossible to find.  I had neither the child care, money nor hours in the day to find “me time” - alone or otherwise.

“You need a trip to the spa!” people would say, and I wanted to punch them in their perfectly exfoliated faces.

“Oh, honey, go take a bubble bath,” my girlfriends would advise, and I wanted to shout back “RIGHT!  SERIOUSLY!  Because 20 minutes in a tub will MAKE ALL THIS GO AWAY!”

And, I assure you, there would have been much caps lock shouting involved.

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I’m not going to say anything Earth shattering today.

Hold back your shock and awe, I know.

But really, we are constantly being told by someone that we need to “take care of ourselves” and “take time for ourselves”.  Surely, I cannot be the first person to give you this message.

And yet, it’s worth repeating:

It’s OK to spend time alone.

In fact, you should spend time alone.

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I am not a domestic diva.  I have no shame about my disdain for housework.

And yet, I don’t like living in a mess either.  And, truth be told, it only takes two kids a few days to turn “a little clutter” into a disaster zone.

Recently, my personal life got messier than my house and I found myself craving order and cleanliness more than usual, and with one less adult to help with the chaos.  Luckily, I stumbled upon the infamous FlyLady web site and some great tips that helped me get the mess under control.

I tell you all that to tell you this:

I’m about to give housekeeping advice.

Oh yes, I am.

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Let’s talk about multi-tasking.

As women, we’re supposed to be masters at it.  As mothers, especially, we boast of both the need for and our ability to excel at it.  We juggle more balls than a circus clown, and we do it with panache!

I think multi-tasking is overrated.

And I’ll be keeping my working mom card, thank you very much.

Sure, there are times when it is necessary to do multiple things at once.  I can make dinner and dessert simultaneously.  I can clean up my kitchen in between changing over the laundry.  I can hold a conversation with a four year old and a nine year old and a telemarketer at the exact same time, and catch nearly all of the details.

Yes.  I can get more than one thing done at once.

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If I’m having problems at home, it is almost always reflected in my work.

I have a hard time concentrating.  I don’t have the ambition to do more than the bare minimum.  My productivity and effectiveness take a serious hit.

Ideally, I would have a universal remote for life that allowed me to hit pause on my work life whenever personal issues needed to be dealt with, and vice versa.  Unfortunately, Wal-Mart seems to be all out of Life Remotes.

In the absence of a magical pause button, what’s the best way to keep your personal life from negatively impacting your work life?

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Do what you love and the money will come.

That’s what they tell us, anyway.  They being Disney and your mom and your high school guidance counselor and the life coaches on Oprah.

And look at how well it worked out for Oprah!

Yes, the answer to happiness and prosperity, it seems, is clear.  Just do what you love.  The money will come.

I think I’m going to try that line out on my mortgage company next month.

“Hey, listen.  I’m doing what I love!  Don’t worry!  The money will come!  And when it does, you’ll be first on my list!”

Or not.

I think that in theory, the “do what you love” concept is a brilliant one.  But in reality, I had a family to provide for at 19.  I had to make a living long before I had any clue what my passion or purpose was in life.  And now, 10 years later at 29, I have responsibilities and obligations to take care of every month that I can’t just walk away from or put on hold while I wait for “the money to come”.

So now what?

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I recently had the conversation with my boss about potentially going part-time.  With my son starting kindergarten in August, I’ve felt the overwhelming need to be at home.  It surely isn’t a desire to be a SAHM; I love and I need to work.  But there’s been this all-consuming feeling that I need to be home at least part-time. 

There are two people on our team that work part-time, so I know that my boss is open to the idea.  In fact, she herself has worked part-time in the past.  After the birth of her first daughter, she came back from maternity leave working three days a week and slowly moved back up to full-time.  She understands the need to work less hours.  But she also offered a very strong opinion on what it would do to my career.

Essentially, if I went part-time I would be giving up any and all opportunities to advance. 

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I work full time (she says on a blog called Full Time, All the Time).  I also have two permanent freelance writing  jobs and run two websites of my own.  And I’m trying to write a book.

Oh, and I’m a wife and mother of two.

On paper, that doesn’t look like much.  It only takes up about two inches of my computer screen, but the hours it takes to fill those few inches of commitment can be overwhelming.  Like every single working mother I know, I constantly find myself with too much to do and not enough time to do it.

In the past, I’ve used my weekends to get more done.  I’ve written on Saturdays and answered work emails on Sundays.  I’ve spent the time between Friday night and Monday morning playing catch up so that I can start all over again each week at barely even.

I think that may just be the surest way to a breakdown.  And possibly divorce.  And also, just maybe, my children on a therapist’s couch in the distant future lamenting the fact that Mom was always busy.

And so, in the interest of my sanity and my family’s well being, I’ve decided to take back my weekends.

I’ve officially declared the weekend in my house to be a work free zone.

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