I was fired last night.

Well, fired doesn’t seem like the most fitting word since I hadn’t been getting paid consistently for about a year; I received an email relieving me of my duties. According to the email, the organization is looking to tighten their belts and wants to streamline things moving forward; the move will make it easier for everyone (else) to get paid in the future.

I can’t shake the feeling that the real reason I was let go - or at least a mitigating factor - is because I was never all in on working for free. Strangely, this isn’t the first time this has happened to me.

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I recently had the conversation with my boss about potentially going part-time.  With my son starting kindergarten in August, I’ve felt the overwhelming need to be at home.  It surely isn’t a desire to be a SAHM; I love and I need to work.  But there’s been this all-consuming feeling that I need to be home at least part-time. 

There are two people on our team that work part-time, so I know that my boss is open to the idea.  In fact, she herself has worked part-time in the past.  After the birth of her first daughter, she came back from maternity leave working three days a week and slowly moved back up to full-time.  She understands the need to work less hours.  But she also offered a very strong opinion on what it would do to my career.

Essentially, if I went part-time I would be giving up any and all opportunities to advance. 

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Last week, I found out that a colleague of mine was suddenly laid-off.  He had no advance warning, was a top performer, and didn’t see it coming.  Needless to say, he was shocked.  And terrified to be undergoing a job search with thousands of others in Silicon Valley. 

Of course, my gut reaction to my colleague’s departure was an immediate increase in my worrying about my own job.  It feels like every day there is a new company is announcing the downsizing of their employees.  Add to it the stock market taking more dips than a speedy rollercoaster, my feeling nervous about my own job security is inevitable.  That is, until my spouse pointed out that men taking the majority of the hits this time around.

Could my gender actually save my job?

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It’s Performance Review season at my company again.  I’ve always hated performance reviews.  Not because the reviews are bad - in fact, I’ve never received a poor review.  Something about getting a corporate report card has always bothered me.  Of course people need to know how they are doing, how they can improve, and get recognition for their accomplishments.  But I stand to reason that most performance reviews, in practice, are pointless. 

For years, I have practically received the same evaluation.  I am a top-rated employee.  I have solid judgment and am known to always get the job done.  I am highly respected in the organization.  But… (isn’t there always a “but” in performance reviews) I am too tough.

Typical working woman dilemma - be nice and get called “too soft.”  Be tough and get named a “bitch.” 

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Last week one of the managers at my company was terminated.  His exit was swift.  One day he was here the next day he was noticeably absent.  After a long investigation, the company terminated his employment due to Sexual Harassment.  Allegedly he harassed multiple women at the company, including at least one of his direct reports.  While his team is protecting the woman he harassed, they have been very vocal about their pleasure in the company’s actions and his termination of employment here.

I’m willing to put money on it that, if asked, nearly every working woman could cite an experience of being harassed in the workplace.  Whether it was the creepy guy who always started at your breasts, or the drunken co-worker who tried to take things to another level at the company holiday party, or the man who thought that keeping a calendar of scantily-clad women on his desk was perfectly acceptable.  With the lines of what is unlawful sexual harassment and what is just inappropriate workplace behavior, what defines sexual harassment remains blurred between black and white.
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Several years ago, I was the general counsel of the Software Subsidiary of a Very Large Corporation. Most people at Software Subsidiary knew who I was, and were aware of my job title; conversely, at the time most at Very Large Corporation had no clue who I was.

One day, I was asked to participate as legal counsel for a project at Very Large Corporation. The project involved software and other technology, and since that was my forte, one of my colleagues at Very Large Corporation invited me to be a part of the team, having worked with me once before.

I arrived at the project kick-off meeting, and my colleague wasn’t there; however, 2 men who were engrossed in a private conversation were. One of them saw me enter:

"Hey, honey, could you get us some coffee? Thanks."

My first inclination was to strongly and vociferously express my intense indignation; my second was to explain (with obvious mock patience) who I was. But then, thank goodness, I decided to go with my third instinct:

"Sure," I said. "How would you like it?"

And off I went to get the coffee.

When I returned, I placed the coffee in front of the two men, and I sat down at the conference table with my own cup. Honey-Get-The-Coffee-Boy glanced at me, clearly bewildered at my presence. By then, however, my colleague had arrived, and begun the meeting.

"Thanks, everyone, for coming," began my coworker. "Before we get started, however, I think it might be a good idea for us to go around the table and introduce ourselves, give everyone your title, and what your role will be for the team."

Everyone took turns, detailing his or her name, rank and serial number. When it was time for me, I turned and fixed my gaze on Coffee Boy, and said:

"Hi. I’m Karen. I’m General Counsel for Software Subsidiary, and I’ll be providing legal guidance to this team."

The look on Coffee Boy’s face was priceless — I think he turned at least 3 shades of red. I smiled warmly at him and winked, which I think only increased his embarrassment. While he never apologized, for the rest of my career at Software Subsidiary (and later, at Very Large Corporation) he went out of his way to be helpful, and was always supportive of my ideas and opinions.

I tell you this story because as the mother of a little girl, I feel (rightly or wrongly) a certain duty to represent the best of what I believe it means to be a strong woman to my daughter as she grows up. And while some of you might disagree with how I handled Coffee Boy, to me, being a strong woman means sometimes knowing when to get up in someone’s face about something, and when a quieter approach will work. But it also means having a certain healthy sense of entitlement: it means being confident enough in yourself to know that you have every right to be where you are at that very moment. As women, sometimes we find ourselves believing the hype: buying into the opinion that maybe we don’t belong, or aren’t as good as the men, or aren’t talented enough to be invited to sit at the table. My goal is to make sure my daughter Alex never feels this way. And, as far as I’m concerned, she’s never too young to learn this lesson.

I’d love to hear what the working world has inspired you to teach your kids — please share in the comments!

Over a year ago, one of my female colleagues came to me for advice.  She was unhappy in her current role and had started looking outside of the company for a new position.  She was also newly pregnant.  She was torn between staying in her current role even though she was dissatisfied or searching for a new job while pregnant?  My advice was short and sweet – “Land a new job before you start to show.” 

She did end up taking my advice and landed a new job two months later, just at the end of her first trimester.  Afraid to tell her boss right away, she waited another month to break the news.  Fortunately, her boss was thrilled with the news and was very accommodating about the pregnancy.  My friend delivered a beautiful baby girl last November and returned to work this past Spring after her maternity leave.  I consider her one of the lucky ones.

Although federal anti-discrimination laws make clear that pregnant women are afforded the same protections as any other workers with a temporary physical condition, the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission reported a 40 percent increase in pregnancy discrimination complaints since 1992. 

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