I’ve talked about my need to relax here before.  You can’t read a website or a book about women without stumbling on at least one mention of getting some “me” time, or remembering to “take care of yourself”.

We’re reminded over and over again that the best thing we can do for the people who count on us is to take time to nurture ourselves.  Getting away, it seems, if only for the time it takes to enjoy a nice hot bath, is essential to our mental health.

My husband doesn’t get it.

He supports it.  He knows the need exists for me.  He is fully aware of the collateral damage that will result in me not taking care of myself.  But he doesn’t really get it.

Or rather, he doesn’t seem to need it for himself.

Read the rest of this entry

Ever since my son was born, I’ve fought hard to break working mom myths.  I worked harder than ever to avoid the mommy-track by keeping focused at work.  Then at home, I tried to become “Mother of the Year” by making every meal, baking birthday cupcakes from scratch, and keeping a tidy home (alright, I utterly failed on that last one). 

After suffering from balance burnout last year, I’ve started making some changes in my life.  One of those was to stop focusing on the stuff that I’m not doing (and stop feeling guilty about it) and to start thinking positive about the stuff that I do accomplish. 

The Upside to Being a Working Mom

• Since my spouse and I both work, we have “double coverage” for our son’s health insurance.  That  means no out of pocket costs for any trips to the doctor. 
• My son barely watches any TV and has an active imagination, thanks in part, to a play-based preschool that he attend during the day while I work. 

Read the rest of this entry

If there was any lesson to be learned in 2008, it was learning that balance is bunk for a working mom.  I like to think that I had it all together… but on any given day something was neglected in order for me to get my job done.  That job includes being an employee, a mom, a wife, and all those other roles that I wear like friend, daughter, blogger, writer, short-order cook, vacation scheduler, play-date organizer, and bill-payer. 

I’m still learning that juggling almost always means putting down a ball or two in order to protect the other balls I’m juggling.  I’ve learned the power of saying no - both in work and in my personal life - mainly from the consequences of always saying yes.  After getting extremely sick in during November, I realized that I was slowly killing myself by trying to DO IT ALL.  I had gained weight, resented obligations, and was generally unhappy.  With myself.   I certainly couldn’t blame others for the commitments I made to them. 

Something has to change.  And I am the only one who can change it.

Read the rest of this entry

Do you ever feel like you are keeping score of your performance as a working mother?  I know, I know… the game of life is not a competitive sport.  Still at the end of every day, I know the score of that day’s juggle.  And whether it was a win, a loss, or a draw.  Sure, these games will never be played on ESPN and there is no fancy Superbowl Ring being handed out for a job well done.  But the announcer in my head is keeping score of how I am doing as a working mother.

“Mom starts the day strong with a 3-point bonus: she manages to pack her kid’s lunch AND pull out the leftovers for Dad and herself.  Everybody eats today!  In fact, it looks like she scored an additional point for extra difficulty; each family member received a fruit, a veggie, a protein, and a whole wheat grain.  Mom is clearly taking control today.”

 “Oh no, Mom lost 4 points for not using her hands-free device on a conference call in the car.  Nervously looking for any cops who can dole out a hefty fine clearly shows that she is not on top of her game.  Can she recover, folks?”

Read the rest of this entry

As I watched my predecessor, Karen, write about her exit from her corporate job and, therefore, her role as Working Mom, I felt the familiar twinges of guilt tug at me.  Here was a woman who was reassessing her values and priorities and making changes that reflected those life decisions.

And here, on the other hand, am I.

I have two small children - a son in third grade and a three year old daughter.  I work full time at a job that keeps me (and as a result, them) out of the house from 7 in the morning until 6 at night.  I spend as much time commuting as I do going over homework.  I send checks for lunch instead of sandwiches and avoid the PTA robocalls like a bad case of head lice.

What life choices am I reflecting by working outside the home?

Why do I, and millions of other mothers, choose to work full time?

Read the rest of this entry

Using an old cell phone that has been converted into a toy, my son pretended to email people on his “blackberry” yesterday evening.  He sat there for 10 minutes, thumbing the keys in remarkable similarity to my own style.  When I asked him to come to the dinner table, he casually responded “I’ll be there in a minute after I finish this email.”  In fact, he didn’t even look away from his “blackberry” when he responded.

I wonder where he learned that one?

I am living in a virtual avalanche of email.  Too much, too often, and too many accounts are bogging me down.  Between all of my email accounts, I easily read over 250 emails per day. 

Read the rest of this entry

When I returned to the practice of law a little over a year ago, it was admittedly with some reluctance:  at the time,  I was working from home for a large Fortune 200 corporation, helping manage several of the online publications.  I wasn’t making a lot of money, but I was generally happy:  my time was my own, I was ever-present for my young daughter, it allowed me to write and gave me time for my photography, and I was helping contribute financially to our household.  But then, two former bosses called me and practically begged me to come back to law; because I respect and enjoy working with these two men (and despite my better judgment), I did.

Read the rest of this entry

Last week, right about the same time the first commenter was leaving her comment on my previous post , I walked into the office of my boss, and turned in my written resignation.

The truth is, he knew it was coming.  I’d warned him it was coming about 5 weeks ago — I told him that I intended to leave the company, and while I wouldn’t leave him before September 30th (because my role becomes crucial to closing deals at the end of the quarter), my intent was for my last day to be October 15th. For this reason, last week’s conversation was merely a formality.

Read the rest of this entry

One of my dearest friends, Holly, is about to embark on the role of a lifetime - motherhood.  I am so excited for her.   It’s been a blast planning her baby shower and answering the only-another-working-mom-would-know sort of questions.  Like is that $300 pump really worth it?  YES!

Holly has already decided that she will be returning to work.  Just like most of us, the choice was already made for Holly.  She simply cannot afford to not work full-time.  I remember feeling the same way when pregnant with my son - wishing that I had the option of not having to work. 

I want so much to share not so much my wisdom but my experiences with Holly about juggling motherhood and career.  I’ve made a little list for her:

Read the rest of this entry

On Monday, I went to work, as did every employee in the Houston area, wondering if my company was going to be open for business on the following day.  In the previous twenty-four hours, Tropical Storm Edouard had appeared in the Gulf of Mexico, and while it showed little possibility of strengthening into a hurricane, all indications were that it was headed straight for the Houston metropolitan area.

Predictably, my daughter’s preschool announced it would be closed on Tuesday, the day Edouard was scheduled to make landfall.  Similar, my husband’s employer announced the same.  Great, I thought to myself, we’ll all be home together as a family when the storm hits.  Then Outlook pinged its announcement of an incoming email:

“We will remain open tomorrow,” the e-mail said, “however, your safety is of utmost importance.  We leave it to your discretion as to whether you feel you can make it safely to the office.”

You know where this is going, right?

As it happened, management had scheduled an all-day meeting for Tuesday, and further, made it clear that the meeting wouldn’t be canceled.  I knew that there was no way I was going to get out of that meeting.  And so, I went.

It turns out that Tropical Storm Edouard was really a non-event as far as my part of town was concerned: while there was a lot of rain, I made it to my meeting without any fear of danger, my husband was home with my daughter, and all was well.  But still, I have to admit that I was perturbed I felt pressured to do what it took to brave the weather.  I can’t help but wonder if “your safety is of utmost importance” was nothing more than lip service.

And the fact that the meeting was 12-hours long, and one of the managers made a joke of his expectation that we “consider the company our spouse” didn’t improve my mood much, either.