I’ve spent most of my work life in commission based jobs.  A raise meant selling more stuff than before and, therefore, earning more commission.  How much money I made has always been directly tied to how well I did my job in a measurable, tangible way.

I’m goal oriented and a hell of a salesperson, so this model has always suited me well.  It has not, however, prepared me for the world of salary negotiations and discussions about raises.

In my current job, I earn a base salary combined with a commission bonus.  It’s the first time in my life I’ve had a guaranteed income.  It’s also the first time anyone has offered me a raise.

Last week, I turned down a raise.

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I’m not going to say anything Earth shattering today.

Hold back your shock and awe, I know.

But really, we are constantly being told by someone that we need to “take care of ourselves” and “take time for ourselves”.  Surely, I cannot be the first person to give you this message.

And yet, it’s worth repeating:

It’s OK to spend time alone.

In fact, you should spend time alone.

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Let’s talk about multi-tasking.

As women, we’re supposed to be masters at it.  As mothers, especially, we boast of both the need for and our ability to excel at it.  We juggle more balls than a circus clown, and we do it with panache!

I think multi-tasking is overrated.

And I’ll be keeping my working mom card, thank you very much.

Sure, there are times when it is necessary to do multiple things at once.  I can make dinner and dessert simultaneously.  I can clean up my kitchen in between changing over the laundry.  I can hold a conversation with a four year old and a nine year old and a telemarketer at the exact same time, and catch nearly all of the details.

Yes.  I can get more than one thing done at once.

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Maybe it’s because I was basically raised by a single mother.

Or maybe it’s just because I have a more dominant personality than my husband.

Whatever the reason, I’ve come to realize that I tend to think of my two children as my kids first, our kids second, and his kids when I am blaming their forgetfulness on his genes.

When it comes to making decisions about discipline, I am the long arm of the law in my house and I have final say on how poor behavior will be handled.  By the same token, when a child is sick or summer vacation leaves me with a 9 year old who needs child care during the day, it’s my job to figure out how to adjust work schedules and make new arrangements.

I’m not saying it’s fair - I’m just acknowledging that it’s how it is.

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On Monday, The Today Show did a segment on “Digital Moms”.  They featured mommy blogger, Heather Armstrong and the founder of CafeMom.  While these two women did a great job handling the questions and representing their respective web sites, the segment itself didn’t do much to dispel old myths about women.

The impression for many women watching the segment (myself included) was that, once again, women were portrayed as mothers who sit around gossiping with one another about childbirth.  Full stop.

Of course now, and isn’t this cute, we’re doing it on the internet.

The frustrating part is that I see women every day taking advantage of the internet and new technology to do a lot more than chat about motherhood.  Sure, we tend to be social creatures by nature.  And yes, we use blogs and twitter and portal sites like Work It, Mom! to connect with other like minded women.

But we’re doing heck of a lot more than talking about what it’s like to be a mother.

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I work in sales and marketing.  That means I have had the motto “the customer is always right” drilled into my head for the last 10 years of my career.

But sometimes it takes everything I have not to let loose and explain that the customer is not only not right, but is also a complete and total moron, thank you very much.

Of course, I don’t say that.  Usually.  Instead, I’m bringing my frustrations and pent up agression here, to share with you beautiful people.

4 Things Stupid Customers Do That Make Me Want To Scream:

1. Lie to me.

“Oh, no, I’m sorry.  I know that I requested more information about your company 30 seconds ago, but I already have that exact same service you’re offering.  And my email was also hijacked and my number posted on bathroom walls so that salespeople would mistakenly solicit me.”

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I’ve talked about my need to relax here before.  You can’t read a website or a book about women without stumbling on at least one mention of getting some “me” time, or remembering to “take care of yourself”.

We’re reminded over and over again that the best thing we can do for the people who count on us is to take time to nurture ourselves.  Getting away, it seems, if only for the time it takes to enjoy a nice hot bath, is essential to our mental health.

My husband doesn’t get it.

He supports it.  He knows the need exists for me.  He is fully aware of the collateral damage that will result in me not taking care of myself.  But he doesn’t really get it.

Or rather, he doesn’t seem to need it for himself.

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A friend of mine once told me that he couldn’t believe how I managed to leave jobs without burning bridges, even the ones for whom bridges would probably be better burned.  I’m a firm believer that nothing good comes from leaving any relationship, business or otherwise, bitterly, or angrily, or with hurt feelings.   Obviously, there are situations where work relationships are unsalvageable; however, in the event that you’re planning on leaving employment with a company voluntarily, here’s my advice on how to do it with grace, dignity, and perhaps even a few contacts and references in hand.

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Last week Friday, the second day after my last day at work, I did something that I’d been dying to do, but hadn’t been able to find the time:  I visited the exhibit entitled The Black List Project at the Houston Museum of Fine Arts.  The exhibit features large format portraits of 24 prominent African-African Americans, and the accompanying documentary included their views of what it means to them to be African-American in 21st century America.

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Last week, right about the same time the first commenter was leaving her comment on my previous post , I walked into the office of my boss, and turned in my written resignation.

The truth is, he knew it was coming.  I’d warned him it was coming about 5 weeks ago — I told him that I intended to leave the company, and while I wouldn’t leave him before September 30th (because my role becomes crucial to closing deals at the end of the quarter), my intent was for my last day to be October 15th. For this reason, last week’s conversation was merely a formality.

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