One of the most amazing women I know recently returned to work after being at home with her two boys for eight years. The transition happened a little earlier than she and her family had anticipated, but the perfect opportunity came along and she decided to jump on it. I’m excited for her and proud of her.

And I was completely shocked to learn that her confidence isn’t what it used to be.

This is a woman my husband has met exactly once and instantly admired and respected. This is a woman who is smart, compassionate, and articulate. This is a woman that other women want to be like when they grow up.

And it turns out she struggles with some of the same nerves and doubts that may of the rest of us do.

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Last night, I began the process of making new business cards. (I would have finished the process, but I ran out of printer ink at 10:30 pm. Naturally.)

It pains me to spend the time and resources making new cards, even though my job description has changed significantly over the last few months. I still have well over a hundred perfectly good business cards (except for the outdated job description and really old picture). I have plenty left because I almost never hand them out.

It’s not that I don’t meet new people. I do, often.

But I also use technology to collect, store, and organize contact information. If you have an iPhone, I’ll use the Bump It app to swap details with you. If you’re on twitter, I’ll quickly start following you right from my phone. I rely on Google and Apple to work seamlessly together to keep my contacts organized.

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Women have discussed at length the merits of being a working mom. Most of us are familiar with the myriad of reasons that mothers work when their children are young and there’s no need to rehash what has already been discussed and decided:

It’s the best choice for many of us.

However, I’ve become much more aware recently of what I tell my kids about why I work.

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I spend a great deal of my life trying to motivate other people to do things.  Whether it’s asking my children to pick up their rooms or encouraging writers to meet deadlines, I’m often relying on other people to do their part to make my day go smoothly.  Such is life when no man (or woman) is an island, I suppose; even the most resourceful and self reliant among us must learn how to inspire action in someone else at some point.

The question is not if we’ll have to motivate others, but how we’ll choose to do it.  Specifically, will we rely on negative or positive reinforcement?

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Today is the last day of the non-holiday season, and even that is debatable since my children are home for Thanksgiving break.  Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and then it’s a constant onslaught of holiday fever until January 2nd, 2011.  For most of my income-earning life, this has marked the time of year when I am most likely to give in to every single excuse to slack off at work.

Longer than usual lunches.

Mornings spent chatting with co-workers about upcoming parties.

Afternoons spent surfing for gift ideas, because it’s almost time to go home anyway.

Entire days and weeks spent struggling to concentrate, because it’s practically Christmas!

Struggling to stay productive during the holiday season has become a bona fide holiday tradition!

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I have a tiny bit of an obsession with productivity.

I am always looking for ways to accomplish more in less time, aspiring to be at least as productive as the First Lady. I’ve experimented with planners and list systems and giving up sleep, all in the name of doing more.  I stumbled across an interesting productivity tip recently that has made me completely re-evaluating the way I think about “getting things done”.  Unfortunately, I can’t find the original article or author who gave me the idea, but the idea itself is impossible to forget:

Do three things every day.

Not five or 10 - three.  Can you imagine?  Just three tasks every single day!

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I’ll admit that I get bored easily.

I like to say I’m “goal oriented”, but the reality is probably that I have a really short attention span and constantly have to have some new shiny in the not-so-distant future to keep me interested. The negative side effects of this itty bitty attention span are numerous, but there is also a really cool upside: I don’t stagnate.

Because I am constantly working towards new goals, I am always learning new skills or achieving new levels of mastery of old ones. It’s good for my brain and (usually) good for my bottom line.

Do you ever find yourself getting bored? Have you been doing the same job for years? When was the last time you learned a new skill that made you more marketable? If your answers make you realize that it’s been a while, it may be time to step outside your comfort zone again.  Try these tricks for pushing yourself to the next level.

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I watched a beautiful video yesterday that asked moms what advice they would give themselves if they could go back in time to right before their first child was born.  The video was a gorgeous montage of varied answers that ranged from “sleep now” to “forgive yourself”.  My personal favorite was a sign that read “you are the expert”.

It got me thinking about other times in my life when I could have used some advice from women who had gone before me: my first day at a new school, the last day I went to college, our first argument after my wedding, that time I thought I could pull off the pixie haircut .  All of these moments could have been made just a little easier with some words of encouragement and wisdom.

Another milestone in my life as a woman, specifically as a working mother, when I could have used a little hand holding was when I went back to work after having my babies.  Ouch.  The heartbreak of dropping them off, the giddiness at having adult conversations during the day, the guilt at enjoying adult conversations and being overly tired at night; I was not prepared for either return to the workforce.

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I am not, by the traditional definition, a “trophy wife”.  I have worked for most of my marriage and I would have utterly failed if I my most important role in this relationship had been to “smile and look pretty”.

However, I have, on occasion, played the role of dutiful wife at my husband’s side for work functions.  Whether it’s a company holiday party, charity dinner, or backyard barbecue at the boss’s house, I am instinctively aware of my job when I accompany my husband to these events.

Make him look good.

That may mean biting my tongue when politics comes up, or playfully giving the boss a hard time about his favorite sports team.  It may not specifically be my job to talk up my husband’s talents and skills, but I compliment him just the same by being polite, charming and appropriately funny.

Is this patriarchal? Misogynistic? Sexist? Antiquated?

Maybe.  No one ever told me to act this way, I just do because that’s what one does.

At least, that’s what one does when they are the wife.

But what about when they are the husband?

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I’m not one for New Year’s Resolutions.  I don’t start a diet or a new work out plan with the rest of America.  I’ve learned that saying I want to be more patient doesn’t actually make me more patient.  I’m not vowing to read more books, eat less red meat, or buy more organic.  It’s as good as it’s gonna get.  Especially in January, when my fingers are practically frozen because my spouse insists that heating the house to 62 degrees is actually heating the house. 

I don’t need resolutions.  Resolutions are like promises, they mean nothing and nobody seems to really care if you break it. 

But solutions?  Solutions I’ll take any time.  If anyone can solve the mystery that is my never-ending laundry problem, I’ll be tap dancing my way into that solution.

This year, I decided to implement one solution.  Just one.  It won’t solve world hunger or fix our economy.  But it makes ending the day and starting the next one so much easier for me. 
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