It is day one of my son’s school Winter Break. He’s a kindergartner and thinks that getting two whole weeks of during Christmas is a gift from God.  I, as a full-time working momma, realize that if God had anything to do with it then he’s one masochistic son of a bitch. 

When my son was in preschool, he always had the week between Christmas and New Year’s off.  The school used that week to not only give the teachers a much needed break but also to use the time to perform maintenance.  One week a year was easy to manage.  I’d take a couple of days off, my spouse would take a couple, and a Grandparent would always step in when needed.
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Even though we are not legally married, my partner and I often refer to each other as husband or wife.  We never correct new friends or co-workers when they assume that a couple with a child and a mortgage payment would be a legally married couple.  For all intentions and purposes, we are married.  We just chose to not get legally married. 

As a career woman, those who assume that we are married don’t think twice about me having my “maiden name.”  And that’s okay.  I don’t mind when people assume we are married.  I don’t mind being called a wife.  I love Neville as a wife loves her husband. 

But there is one part of this whole “married, but unmarried” lifestyle that I never considered. What will I choose to be called as a mother?

Our son has his father’s last name just as I have my father’s last name.   But since Neville and I aren’t married, I wonder what I am supposed to be called?

Am I Ms. Roark? Miss Roark?  Mrs. Roark?  Mrs. <insert Neville’s last name here>?
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Hello my gorgeous, awesome, and totally put-together Full Time, All the Time readers.  It’s been a while hasn’t it?  I hope you haven’t forgotten about me while the fabulous Miss Britt held down the fort here.  I’ve been on an unexpected blogging hiatus.  I wish that I had witty reasons for my short-term leave of absence, but the truth is that life smacked in the face.  Then the gut.  Then push me down and kicked me some more.

In other words, I suffered through my first Summer Break as a working mom. Then right when I felt like I was getting it all in control, life sucker-punched me in the face with Kindergarten.

When my son finished preschool in June, we decided (and by “we” I mean, I thought I had the best idea ever) to let our son have a real summer.  We spent lots of time at the pool.  I spent countless hours shuttling between home and a morning-only summer camp.  We played outside with our neighbors.  Saw nearly every PG or G movie in the theaters. And my son finally found bravery to ride his bike without training wheels.  It was fantastic.

I also spent hours upon hours working late into the night to make up for the lost hours during the day. 
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Last week I wrote a post about some of the benefits that children of working mothers enjoy.  Or, rather, the benefits that my children have experienced as a result of my choice to work outside the home.

I was inspired to write that post after watching my four year old daughter attempt to make scrambled eggs in the microwave by herself.  As I was wiping the egg yolk off my kitchen floor, I couldn’t help but marvel at the idea that she had even tried to complete such a task on her own.  My hope in writing that post was to encourage other working mothers to notice the things their children have picked up as a result of growing up in a home with a working mom.

But why?

SKL, a frequent and always thought provoking commenter here, questioned whether or not discussions like this are still necessary.  Her original comment was:

“With all the empirical data and experience out there, an objective and honest person really can’t categorically say a working mom is “bad” for kids. I could see this being a vigorous discussion 30 years ago, but now? Why do we still need to ask this question?

The real question should not be “should we work,” but “how should we go about it.”….”

She went on to explain her thought process further in the comments of that post, and I encourage you to read them.

The original sentiment of her question is one I have been going over and over again in my head.

Why do we keeping talking about whether working outside the home is OK?  Or good?  Or bad?

Are we doing a disservice to ourselves by continuing to defend our choice to work?

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Many of us are working moms because we have to be.  Fortunately, we recognize that there are benefits to being a working mom.

Obviously there is more income to be shared with our spouses, and almost every working mother I know appreciates the sense of accomplishment she gets from working outside the home.

But what about our children?

Sure, they benefit from having things like food, clothing and shelter provided to them thanks to our paychecks.  The economic advantages of having a mother who works full time seem to be the main motivating factor for mothers to remain in the workforce after they have children.

But I think my children are gaining more than just financial stability because I work.

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If there was a Nobel Prize for multi-tasking, I’m positive a working mother would win every single year.  Hands-down.  We are the ultimate multi-taskers.  We aren’t necessarily naturals at the multi-tasking game, but learn how to do it well to survive.  It is technology that keeps us sane between corporate meetings, volunteering in classrooms, trying to be domestic goddesses and all that other stuff in between.

I am beyond lucky to be a 21st century working mother.  Technology allows me to juggle the demands of my profession while still spending plenty of time with my little guy.  My BlackBerry, laptop, and two dozen Wi-Fi spots around town make it possible to work from home, work from a coffee shop, even work during the carpool ride to home (no,  I’m not driving).

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Part of my job here is to write about topics that I think other working moms will relate to.

Often times, that means talking about the unique struggles that women who work full time jobs outside of the home face.

Women like to commiserate.  It’s part of who we are, and one of the ways we remind ourselves that we are not totally failing at this motherhood gig.  Because if someone else is having the same issues, maybe we can ease up on ourselves a bit.

Today I’d like to offer us an opportunity to share in the things we do not suck at.

Let us forget for a moment the times we forgot to bake cookies or return permission slips.  Let us not worry about the quality time we might be depriving our children of or the life lessons we might be handling poorly.

Let us, instead, bask in the glow of knowing - beyond a shadow of a doubt - that there are some things we do exceptionally well.

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Confession: I love business travel.  Now, I’m lucky that my need to travel for business is more rare (once or twice a quarter) and that nowadays it only requires a three hour drive.  But even when I traveled to lame places or had three hour layovers, I loved it.  And I didn’t feel guilty about it at all.

When I am traveling on company business, I’m not a mommy.  I am Robyn.  I am a highly-respected colleague.  I am a contributor to a team.  I am a problem-solver, a solution provider, and a subject matter expert. I feel like I’m Super-Woman instead of Super-Mom.  

The “Mom” in me is put on the shelf for a few days.  I don’t have to juggle. I don’t have to worry about what’s for dinner. I don’t have to wipe any butts.  Business travel is a luxurious break from my day-to-day reality.

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Boy, do we women love to talk about how we’re different.

And it takes about 30 seconds for those conversations to jump from “different” to “better” and “worse” and “harder” and “easier”.

The most recent example I’ve seen of this phenomenon is between the work-at-home-moms and the work-outside-the-home-moms.  Or the WAHMs vs WOHMs throwdown, as parental acronym experts call it.

For those of you who do not have to keep up with internet drama topical discussions on working mothers for the sake of a job, let me bring you up to speed.

Mother who works outside the home says working outside the home is different than working at home.  Possibly even harder.

Mother who works at home says working inside the home is real work, too.  Possibly even harder.

And mothers everywhere, once again, line up to take sides.

There.  You’re caught up.  Now, here’s my two cents.

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I recently had the conversation with my boss about potentially going part-time.  With my son starting kindergarten in August, I’ve felt the overwhelming need to be at home.  It surely isn’t a desire to be a SAHM; I love and I need to work.  But there’s been this all-consuming feeling that I need to be home at least part-time. 

There are two people on our team that work part-time, so I know that my boss is open to the idea.  In fact, she herself has worked part-time in the past.  After the birth of her first daughter, she came back from maternity leave working three days a week and slowly moved back up to full-time.  She understands the need to work less hours.  But she also offered a very strong opinion on what it would do to my career.

Essentially, if I went part-time I would be giving up any and all opportunities to advance. 

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