Oh, hey, it’s nearly Valentine’s Day!  And perhaps this year spending money on dinner or jewelry…isn’t practical.  Those of you who use terms like “Hallmark Holiday” and say “I don’t need a special day to say I love you” can nevertheless continue reading:  these are tips that could also apply to, say, a non-special day in March.

When my husband and I go on a date, we like to go to Barnes & Noble or to Borders, big book stores where we can browse around, sit in soft chairs, read the merchandise, etc.  If we’re feeling rich, we might buy some stuff—but we often don’t even when we can (the part we like is the quiet and the uninterrupted), so it doesn’t seem sadly different if we’re feeling poor and don’t buy anything, or buy a couple of things from the bargain section.

Many big bookstores have little cafes, so you could go for coffee and dessert after your browse, or just coffee, or split a dessert and visit the drinking fountain afterward.  Some bookstores have live music on certain nights, so you can see a free little concert while you’re at it.  Sure, it’s usually along the lines of one guy strumming on a guitar, but it’ll bring you back to your early dating days, assuming you were dating in the ’90s when we were.  Wear flannel shirts to set the mood.  Rip your jeans a little.  Slouch.  Make cynical remarks about the state of the world.  MEM-REEEEEES!

If you can find a babysitter on Valentine’s Day (GOOD LUCK) and the babysitter will take your kids to her house (why don’t I just come out and say “If your mom can take them”), you can spend some time ALL BY YOURSELF IN YOUR OWN HOUSE.  When was the last time you did THAT?  The night before your first baby, probably.  I don’t need to tell you all the stuff you can do without children around—or actually, it’s been so long, I probably DO need to tell you.  You can eat without putting bites in baby-bird mouths.  You can cook without helpers.  You can watch TV shows with sex and/or violence in them.  You can listen to your own music.  You can use matches and have candles.  Maybe there are other things you can do, too, but my parents read this.

If you definitely want to eat out but are nervous about the cost, sneak in a flask and spike your water glasses instead of ordering drinks.  See if you can arrange to go out for lunch instead of dinner:  a lot of places have lunch menu items at a significantly lower price than their dinner menu items—like, $6-8 as opposed to $16-18.  It might be easier to find a sitter for mid-day, too.

In fact, another money-saving idea, if you’re not romantically attached to The Day Itself, is to celebrate Valentine’s Day sometime in the week after Valentine’s Day.  It’s easier to find a sitter, easier to find a restaurant, cheaper to buy flowers, and you can get heart-shaped boxes of candy for 50% off.  Same candy inside, but twice as much for the same price, JUST SAYING.

As I’ve been trying to think of these ideas, one thing I keep bumping into is the BABYSITTING.  It’s expensive.  It can be more expensive than the dinner/movie.  It’s hard to arrange, and you might feel like you need to clean your house up a little, and that’s hardly a treat.  So another idea is to take a few years off from thinking of Valentine’s Day as a day for Romantic Couple Love, and instead think of it as a celebration of Love In General.  New motto:  “Include the kids.  It’s cheaper, and also easier.”

If you can make pancakes without having a screaming meltdown (and if you can, HOW?), make heart-shaped pancakes for breakfast.  Put red food coloring in any milky product anyone’s drinking.  Have heart-shaped plates.  Make valentines for each other.  Get some of those pretty heart-shaped cookies from the grocery store bakery, or bake your own if you can do rolled cookies without having a screaming meltdown (HOW HOW HOW??).