Paul and I have had a smoother marriage since I stopped wanting us to exchange gifts on Valentine’s Day and anniversaries: Paul doesn’t like buying gifts for those occasions, and I don’t like getting gifts that come with a heavy sigh of obligation, and it’s hard to buy a similarly romantic/significant gift for a guy, and I get uptight about money—so overall it started feeling like it wasn’t a good idea for us as a couple.
Every so often my wish for a Significant Gift outweighs this, as for example on our tenth anniversary when I said ahead of time that I would like Expensive Earrings of His Choice, please, to wear sentimentally on all subsequent anniversaries, and I got him something unromantic for his computer—but for the most part we skip it. I still enjoy giving the kids a Valentine’s day gift, and I enjoy the fun of their classroom exchanges, and I still like Valentine’s Day decor and wearing pink/red that day and so forth.
I’m always interested to hear how other couples handle it. Some people who like to buy flowers are partnered with people who like to receive them. Some people who like to go out for dinner are partnered with people who like to, too. Some people who like lingerie are partnered with people who feel like it’s a gift for themselves. …And some people are not paired quite so neatly, and have to figure things out.
What I’d like to know today is what you’d LIKE to receive for Valentine’s Day—if for example you could have your same significant other, but replace the cells in their brain responsible for Valentine’s Day gifts. I’d also love to hear what you normally do, or what you’re likely to get instead—but I think it would be fun to do a sort of Fantasy List. My own tastes, as you will see, run toward the Classic: chocolates, flowers, jewelry.
See’s Pink Satin Heart (photo from Sees.com). I don’t think I even actually DO want this, even though it was the first thing I thought of when I turned my mind to the question. I DO love chocolates, ESPECIALLY heart-shaped boxes of chocolates, and I pined for this one as soon as I saw it—but $40 for not even a pound and a half of chocolate? And the box is so so pretty, but what would I use it for after the chocolate was gone? I used to save heart-shaped boxes, but I never did find a way to use them so I finally tossed them out in our last move. Still. If I were in a dating relationship, not married, I think this would be my favorite gift to get. I’d enjoy the extravagance of it, and I’d keep love notes and ticket stubs and photos in the heart-shaped box.
Flowers (photo from 1800flowers.com). Ha. I have just realized that “dating, not married” is the key to me wanting Valentine’s Day gifts. I think it might have something to do with romantic extravagance not seeming so meaningful when it comes out of the joint account, especially since I handle the finances and have to (1) see the amount and (2) figure out how to cover it. That may be the solution to the whole issue. Anyway: flowers. Flowers is something I would definitely love if I were dating someone, but I would feel agitated about the expense from a spouse. “Ack, so much money for something that wilts in a few days! Plus the Valentine’s Day mark-ups, aieeeeeee!”
Jewelry (photo from marmar on Etsy). This would be a tricky category: I don’t dislike heart-themed jewelry per se, but I’m picky about it. (I can see I am not coming across as an easy, pleasant, uncritical, fun-to-buy-for person in this post. My claim is that I am wonderful in OTHER ways.) Something like these hedgehog/heart earrings would be a good choice; something from the “Here, frantic men who waited until the last minute: these are heart-shaped, buy them quick!” department would probably not be.
Valentine postcards (photo from Amazon.com). These would win the triple award: (1) Valentinesey, (2) creative idea, and (3) paying attention to interests/hobbies.
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What would you like to get? And, if a different answer: What do you think you are LIKELY to get?
The hard part about Valentine’s Day for our family was figuring out who should buy for whom, because I would always get something for my wife and feel finished only to be rushing around at the end looking for something for the kids and helping the kids buy gifts for my wife and each other and it was just starting to feel too much like Christmas, and too soon after Christmas for that matter. So we streamlined a bit. My wife and I buy for each other and the kids, and then the kids buy a family gift (usually a treat) for the whole family to share. By necessity, one parent needs to know what each family gift is, because we pay for them.
Anyway, this year I got four baking mixes (crepes, cupcake, pancakes/waffles & scones– all chocolate) which will come with the promise to make them. I will probably make the cupcakes on Valentine’s Day. I have no idea what I will receive– food and books are popular choices and I am pretty satisfied with those, especially if there is candy involved. Flowers would be nice, too. I never get those from my wife, but I do sometimes get them from my daughter. I am responsible for helping the boy child shop this year. We’ll probably go shopping this weekend.
StephLove | February 6th, 2013 at 3:07 pm
I’m an experience person pretty much all around, so what I’d really like to do is to go out for dinner or drinks or to a movie.
My husband struggles a bit because he DOES like to buy “stuff” gifts and I never react with the enthusiasm he is hoping for. We have found a SLIGHT compromise on this though: food/drink gifts. Sometimes when he’s out he will surprise me with a bottle of wine, or some sushi or a little food treat he thinks I will like. If he absolutely MUST purchase “stuff”, this is what I prefer: something that gets used up and doesn’t cause more clutter, and is typically inexpensive.
Although, it’s obviously not the EXPENSE that I mind, since I would LOVE a $100 steak dinner but would be meh about $100 earrings. I don’t know. I just want the Quality Time, I guess. GIFTS ARE MY LAST LOVE LANGUAGE.
Tessie | February 6th, 2013 at 4:04 pm
I would like to not bother with Valentine’s Day at all. I don’t like “holidays” where gifts of a certain perameter defined by someone I don’t know are expected. I don’t want you to give me something because you are supposed to. It feels forced and unenjoyable. I also think that going to dinner at the same time as every other couple on the planet is unenjoyable. I’d rather skip the whole thing.
My husband is lovey dovey and enjoys writing heartfelt cards and giving flowers. My immediate thought is always “this cost so much more because of the date”.
I do enjoy all the times when he gets me something special for no reason at all, he’s good at that and it’s perfect for me.
On another note, I adore hedgehogs, thanks for the link. It’s like you picked out a gift just for me, for no reason at all <3
Amanda | February 6th, 2013 at 4:14 pm
I think my favourite would be being taken out to dinner, but not necessarily on Valentine’s Day (more expensive, special menus, tables rammed into restaurant to fit as many couples as possible). Or chocolates. I think I’ve finally got my husband trained out of buying flowers, I always just wince at the expense!
Anna | February 6th, 2013 at 5:29 pm
Like Amanda I would prefer to just not bother with the whole thing. I love my husband, but am possibly the least romantic person on earth. He, on the other hand, is quite romantic and I always feel like an ass because he will do something lovely and I will do nothing. The expectation and stress associated with matching his efforts began to ruin holidays after awhile. We finally got down to cards on V-Day and dinner possibly if we can get a sitter. We almost never go to dinner on the day itself either because that generally involves far too much hassle finding a place for reservations and not getting charged double due to it being V-Day.
Maggie | February 6th, 2013 at 5:54 pm
The hubs and I agree to NOT buy each other silly valentine gifts, too: overpriced and somewhat silly and not romantic if it’s felt to be obligatory.
But things I would love to have:
Pedicure/manicure/haircut gift card. I hate spending money on myself for this, but I do so LOVE to have it done.
Yes. I would like to have at least ONE really nice pair of earrings.
Um, I think that’s it. Oh…maybe for there to be something I could buy my husband that speaks of “love” that he would actually like–and he hasn’t already bought for himself.
Carrie | February 6th, 2013 at 6:22 pm
I like Valentine’s Day, but hate the present aspect of it, because what on earth DO you get for a guy? Also, we generally don’t exchange any sort of gifts, so I never buy my husband anything, but half the time he gets something small for me and I feel like a heel for not reciprocating. Last year he made truffles from scratch (great gift - cheap and yet decadent) and I had…nothing for him.
Jesabes | February 6th, 2013 at 7:12 pm
I love traditional Valentines. I would swoon over some OLD Valentine’s card, if my husband knew where to find one (he does not). We do something different every year, it seems like. The kids usually get a little gift from us, they are our sweethearts. I usually make a nice dinner and use it as an excuse to drink lots of red wine. The Hubs and I don’t tend to do big gifts for each other because we are always broke.
I would never turn down some chocolates though! Last year he got me some CDs of 80’s music, which was pretty awesome. He knows me well.
Melanie D | February 6th, 2013 at 8:51 pm
We usually agree to not buy presents for each other but we will often choose a JOINT present. We enjoy shopping for stuff we want/need together so we make a morning of it. It may be as simple as a mirror for the bathroom or as decadent as a computer–it just depends on what we need/want at the time. We have also decided that this year we will mark the occasion for the kids because it’s high time we start making sure they understand what will be expected of them when they become adults. We kind of had a light bulb conversation when we realized that there is a good chance that their future girl/boyfriends/spouses/love interests may not be as low key about this stuff as we are so we at least need to start cluing them in on what the expectation may be. We will get each other very small gifts and gush over them accordingly and then go to dinner (cheap Mexican restaurant–the kids’ favorite) as a family. I’m thinking it’s not going to be an every event, every year sort of learning experience but a ‘when we remember to think about it ahead of time’ thing.
g~ | February 7th, 2013 at 1:18 am
I wouldn’t be keen on going out to dinner day-of for all the reasons already noted, but I’d love if my gentleman caller would cook for me. And gifts? I’m likely to get flowers delivered to the office, which is very nice and I’ll appreciate a lot more when I get them than I do thinking about it now. I would like to drop the hint that a pretty set of CZ studs would totally fit the bill when it comes to jewelry that won’t break the bank, but money is a bit tight right now and I don’t NEED anything, so I’m loathe to even mention that I’d like a gift.
I would love a gift similar to the post cards–I’m really into silly crafts that have no long term value (perler beads, for example), and something that fit into that category of craft-y would be really cool. Or some enormous, ridiculously extravagant diamond earrings? Sure!
Buttercup | February 8th, 2013 at 6:05 pm
Hub likes to give gifts, but like a lot of comments here, I’m so-so on the Valentine mark up. We compromised by celebrating the weekend after Valentines day. That way, we can each buy silly, romantic heart crap when it’s 75% off, and still enjoy a date out, and it feels like we’re being a bit more independent about it.
That’s what happened before our kid got big enough to realize Vday was a deal. Then we skipped each other to focus on helping the 3 yr old make gifts…. though we might get a small gift late sometimes anyway!
Kris | February 9th, 2013 at 10:37 pm
If I could change both the brain cells and the circumstance of every OTHER couple wanting to celebrate Valentine’s on the same day, I would choose a lengthy dinner out, dressed up, with wine and dessert. And possibly a small jewelry gift.
As it is, I have a hard time with Valentine’s Day. I sometimes receive chocolates, or flowers at my office. I like those things. And I can always count on us exchanging sweet or funny cards. DH has been known, in the past, to come up with just the perfect lovely bath-pampering basket, or a charm for a charm bracelet, or a gift card for a massage — all of which make me swoon.
…and I feel terrible because what is the equivalent for men?? what can I possibly get him that he will swoon over? Not much, that’s what. Sad face.
el-e-e | February 12th, 2013 at 12:37 pm
As with most holidays, my husband gets me nice things for V-Day and I get him something small and lame. He always insists that I should get him nothing, but I try to do SOMEthing in addition to the card — a book or
clothing item plus a fancy home-cooked dinner. What I usually want and get is a spa day and/or an experience gift like tickets to a play or a nice dinner out. I also like getting bath/body stuff since I love having good-smelling shower gel or whatever but I never buy it for myself.
Lawyerish | February 12th, 2013 at 4:44 pm
I love the different pieces of this question! I’m likely to get nothing, since my sweetie loathes Obligatory Gift Occasions. (Thankfully, birthdays are exempt from this). I’m pretty much fine with this, though I do LIKE exchanging presents, so am enjoying the thought experiment.
So - were I to get a gift without a side of resentful sighs, mushy cards are always good. I’d also really like a good massage. From him, with the magical addition of some more knowledge/technique and the removal of carpal tunnel pain, or from a well-paid masseuse who knows how to massage fat bodies and make the recipient feel comfortable.
Thing-wise, cheap is good, since expensive presents are hard to get right (the stakes are lower with cheap presents, so if they’re not The Most Perfect Thing Ever, I can still enjoy them, rather than thinking about how this could have been used for the vet bill). Small pieces of art, good music or small food items are nice for this.
And in case it wasn’t blazingly obvious, I’m totally with you on being wonderful in OTHER ways, since I fully acknowledge that I’m not the most fun person to shop for!
Alice | February 12th, 2013 at 8:16 pm