It is very tricky to buy a Valentine’s Day gift for a guy. (Unless you don’t celebrate it, or think it’s a dumb holiday, in which case it’s not tricky at all.) I’m sure there ARE a FEW guys who enjoy getting flowers and chocolates and sentimental love notes. But in general I think a lot of us are stuck: it’s a holiday about sentimental/romantic love, and the established gifts are things that most guys are not keen on.

When we try to write them a hundred little love notes, or tell them what they mean to us, we’re giving them what WE’D want, not what THEY want—and that’s pretty much the opposite of romantic. (Many of us wouldn’t want the flowers or the chocolates or the hundred little love notes either, but that would be for another post.) I still remember the total failure of the Valentine’s Day symphony tickets I got for my high school boyfriend. “We get to dress up and go listen to romantic classical music with grown-ups!” He probably felt about that the way I would have felt if he’d gotten me a set of socket wrenches.

The goal, I think, is to find guy-romantic: not “Fine, let’s go make out in the car, then,” but something that actually shows some of the romantic spirit. I like to do this by finding something I think Paul would really like to have, and then imposing romance forcefully upon it. One year he had been complaining about his feet being cold and his slippers being worn out, so I researched and found him a pair of expensive down slippers. Here’s how I imposed romance: I got him something HE wanted, not something I would have wanted; it was something that showed I cared about him and his comfort; it was something that showed I was listening to him; it took away a chore he didn’t want; the slippers were red, and red = Valentine’s Day. (Or Christmas. Or bull-fighting. But on February 14th, red = valentines/hearts.)

Another year I made his favorite foods, finicky things I didn’t usually like to make. Here’s how I imposed romance: they were foods he liked, not necessarily my favorites; they took a lot of effort; it showed I was thinking of him and what he would like; I made them heart-shaped/red when possible, and hearts/red = Valentine’s Day.

Another year I got him an old book by an author he likes, and it happened to have the word “Love” irrelevantly in the title so I called that close enough. It took effort to find the book (published about 80 years ago, and I wanted a nice copy); it showed I cared about what he would consider a good present; and yet it had Love in the title so it TIED IN TO THE THEME.

Other years it’s seemed like way too much trouble, and it’s no fun to get a present a guy feels wearily obligated to buy, so I’ve said “Let’s just not do Valentine’s Day,” and then I’ve ordered myself a heart-shaped box of chocolates.

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Have you had any luck finding Guy Romance stuff for Valentine’s Day?

One year I was out shopping before Valentine’s Day and the couple of kids with me went NUTS over the giant Hershey Kisses at the store. I went back later secretly and bought one for each kid, and they loved them, so that’s what I’ve done every year since—even now that they’re marked “#1 Teacher,” which, if you ask me, and I realize you haven’t, is a silly and limiting thing to do.

But perhaps your child responds to giant Hershey Kisses the way mine did to the boxes of assorted chocolates. Or perhaps your child has allergies, or gets too many candies from the classroom exchange already, or already gets the giant Hershey Kiss from the grandparents. In that case, I have some other, non-food ideas.

Melissa and Doug Heart Beads Set (photo from Amazon.com). (That one looks like it’s about to sell out; here’s another option, and another.)

Human Anatomy Heart (photo from Amazon.com). Ha ha, gross. But for the right child, this would be hilarious and awesome. (Here’s another option.)

A Valentine’s BOOK. This wins you the parenting award for educational/enriching holiday-celebrating! I’d choose this Phineas and Ferb one (photo from Amazon.com).

Clothes (photo from OldNavy.com). Well, clearly this will not be for every child. For some children, this would be like unwrapping a package of plain white underpants on Christmas morning. But for children who like clothes, this is more like opening a package of super-fantastic SUPER-HERO underpants on Christmas morning, except it would be Valentine’s Day morning. Elizabeth likes clothes very much, and would be happy with, for example, the $4 heart tights from Target and a clearance Valentine’s Day shirt bought last year.

Lego Heart Box (photo from Amazon.com). I wish there was a review or two about this, because there’s not much information but it looks kind of awesome.

Heart stickers (photo from Amazon.com). This would have been my second favorite after candy, when I was a child. Stickers! Lots of different ones! (These would be good as a craft supply, too, if your kids are making their valentines this year.) And if you’re mailing a Valentine’s Day card to a child, this sticker booklet would fit well into a greeting card.

Heart tights (image from OldNavy.com), sizes 0-6m - 4T/5T.

Valentine’s Top (image from TheChildrensPlace.com), sizes 6-9m - 4T. (They have a sleeveless version in sizes 4-14, which seems a little silly for February, but I’d put either shirt over a long-sleeved top in pink or white or red anyway.)

Canvas Heart Shoes (image from Gymboree.com), sizes 9-13 littler girls and 1-4 older girls, and also 3-8 toddler/littler girl.

Red-striped Hooded One-Piece (image from OldNavy.com), sizes 0-3m - 18-24m.

Alphabet Double-Sleeve Tee (image from Gymboree.com), sizes 3-6m - 5T.

Heart Tutu Skirt (image from TheChildrensPlace.com), sizes 0-6m and 6-12m. I’m going to need a baby girl, stat.

Rugby Polo (image from OldNavy.com). This is clever and subtle, isn’t it? On Valentine’s Day, it’s red and it has a February 14 reference! On any other day, it’s just a regular old sports-number polo in a usual boy color.

Layered Multi-Print Shirt (image from BodenUSA.com), sizes 3-4y - 5-6y. Look what I found in the Mini Boden clearance section! See? Lots of girl clothes have hearts on them ANYWAY!

Valentine PJs (image from TheChildrensPlace.com), sizes 2/3 - 14.

Long-Sleeved Tee (image from OldNavy.com). I have this shirt for Edward already; he wore it for Christmas, and he wears it often because his favorite color is red. He doesn’t want to dress up for the school Valentine’s Day party. He can wear his favorite red shirt, though, no particular reason, just happened to put it out for you today, Edward!

BUT. Considering how many years I’ve been fawning and cooing over the Etsy valentines options, you can bet CASH DOLLARS that when I have only one kid left in a Valentines-exchanging grade (I’d say “one or two kids,” but with twins in the group it would have to be “one or three”), I am going to be ALL OVER that. …Actually, it just occurred to me that my children are a little oblivious, and I could probably get a set for just Henry, or for just Elizabeth, without anyone even noticing. It’s not as if they know how much things cost.

Woodland Animal Mix-and-Match Valentine cards (photo from the shop), set of 12 folded cards with envelopes, $10 plus $2-$3 shipping. There are four designs: raccoon, squirrel, hedgehog, and fox, and you can pick how many you want of each. I would get ALL FOX. I am fond of foxes. The same seller has another mix-and-match set of 24, with some different designs including a matryoshka, an octopus, a whale, a bee.

Customizable Little Girl Valentines (photo from the shop), set of 24 flat cards with envelopes and stickers, $12.75 plus $2.50-5.00 shipping. I mentioned these last year, too, but I’m so charmed by the way you can specify hair and eye color. (Glasses are also available; here’s a set with shorter hair that also shows the glasses.) Elizabeth has blond hair and brown eyes and she keeps track of these things (she always knows if she’s the only one in the class with that combination), so I’m very tempted to customize a set of these for her.

Dig You Tiny Loader Valentines (photo from the shop), set of 24 flat cards with envelopes and stickers, $12.75 plus $2.50-5.00 shipping. My firstborn was so keen on construction vehicles in his preschool years, I would have bought these cards without even thinking it over.

I don’t want this to turn into the All Letter C Design Channel, but the Woodland Animals Valentines! (photo from the shop) Can you stand their little expressions? Set of 24 flat cards with envelopes and stickers, $12.75 plus $2.50-5.00 shipping.

(She also has a puppy set. And an outer space set. And that’s ALL I’LL SAY.) (Also a crab set.)

35 Mini Notecards (photo from the shop), set of 35 folded cards, $20.00 plus $2.00-5.50 shipping. These would be great for tying around a heart lollipop or at the top of a little goodie bag or something. But because they’re stamped, they cross jusssst over the line into the realm where I start thinking I could make them myself. But I wouldn’t make 35 of them if someone paid me $20, so it seems like a good deal to me.

Gold Glitter Valentines (photo from the shop), set of 20 flat cards, $10.00 plus $2.95-4.50 shipping.

Valentine’s Day M&M Candy Treat Bags and Toppers (photo from the shop), set of 12, $15.00 plus $5.00 shipping (U.S. only). I’ve been seeing these all over the place, and they are ADORABLE. And the thought of carefully threading all those M&Ms into those tiny tubes makes me feel like leaping off the roof, so having it done for me is splendid. But this also serves as a heads-up idea for anyone who DOES like doing crafts: these narrow little bags must exist somewhere! And you can put things into them cutely!

Fairy Sweet Valentines Set (photo from the shop), set of 30 flat cards and stickers, $10.00 plus $3.00-4.00 shipping. Now it’s between these and the custom-hair/eye-color little girl ones for Elizabeth. (I seem to have talked myself into buying some.)

Knights and Dragons Valentines (photo from the shop), set of 30 flat cards with stickers, $10.00 plus $3.00-4.00 shipping. OMG, Henry is going to PEE HIS PANTS when he sees these!! The only thing that could be better would be if there were PIRATE valentines.

Arrrr, baby. Set of 12 flat cards with envelopes, $6.00 plus $2.00-3.00 shipping.

Classic Be My Valentine Mini-Cards (photo from the shop), set of 8 folded cards with pocket envelopes, $4.00 plus $2.00-4.00 shipping. This is what I might like to buy to hand out to MY friends. I love the cute little brown envelopes.

Mini Heart Flower Valentines (photo from the shop), set of 10 folded cards with envelopes and stickers, $4.50 plus $1.95-3.25 shipping. Another set that’s good for kids but also I’d want to hand them out to my own friends.

Be My Valentine (photo from the shop), set of 6 flat cards with envelopes, $6.00 plus $1.50-2.50 shipping. I like that it’s six different cards (I had a really hard time deciding which photo-of-three to use), and I like that she showed a picture of what the back looks like.

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It is very difficult to STOP looking for Valentine’s Day cards on Etsy. I would find that I was going through page after page with nothing catching my eye, so I would think it was time to wrap up the post—and then I would find a WHOLE NEW shop that I hadn’t even LOOKED at yet and that had SEVERAL great sets. But if you are going to have time to order these before Valentine’s Day, I need to FINISH UP.

This is why I recommend that January be a month of small treats. “Small” because it’s a month of many kinds of restrictions, and we are not going to get anywhere by thwarting all of them. “Treats” because if we don’t find ANY small way around those restrictions we’re going to lose our will to live.

(And make sure you price it right: if it’s something you’d need buy anyway, the treat is only the amount EXTRA it costs. That is, if your regular fabric softener is $6, but the scent you really love is $8, buying it is only a $2 treat, not an $8 treat. If packing a lunch would cost you $2, but buying a lunch is $6, buying it is only a $4 treat, not a $6 treat.)

(photo from MrsMeyers.com)

Treat Idea #1: A nice smell. If you have perfume you don’t usually wear, wear it sometimes. Or buy a new candle, or get some perfume samples to try, or choose a new hand soap, or a new air freshener, or a new fabric softener. We are not thinking BIG here: even very small and ordinary things can be cheering.

(photo from CelestialSeasonings.com)

Treat idea #2: Something yummy. A new coffee or tea or overpriced fruit if you’re dieting. A Lindt truffle or whipped cream on your coffee one morning if you’re dieting but won’t spin off with a small step from the straight and narrow. A candy bar you’ve never tried or a value meal you like, if you’re working on something else with this year’s resolutions. Would it be more fun/cheering to get something that’s your favorite, or to try something you’ve never tried before? Maybe do both.

Treat idea #3: A day off from a chore. This works best with chores that take the same amount of time to do whether you’ve put them off or not. Taking a day off from the dishes or the filing means twice the work the next day; but taking a day off from vacuuming or a phone call means you get to feel the pleasantness of slacking without adding anything to how long it takes to do tomorrow.

(photo from Ponds.us)

Treat idea #4: A new thing for your hair or skin. A nice lip balm. A new hand lotion. A new conditioner. It doesn’t even have to cost more than your usual thing, and can easily be cheaper: just having something new to try can be cheering. I got a little $1.50 tub of Pond’s moisturizing face cream from the Target travel-size aisle this past week: fun to try, AND it turns out I really like it, AND in the regular size it costs less than my usual moisturizer.

Treat idea #5: Desky things. Don’t you need a fresh pack of pens? A new notebook with a cute cover? A pack of colored pencils to keep away from the children? You are working with a tiny stub of an eraser there. And you lost the pink highlighter and it hasn’t seemed worth buying a whole new package just to replace it, and now is the perfect moment to do it.

(photo from Amazon.com)

Treat idea #6: A new kitchen thing. A new coffee mug can be surprisingly cheering to see in the morning. Or a new cereal bowl. A new cute smiling spoon or pig spatula. A cute little frying pan you probably don’t have a use for but it’s only $4.99 and it keeps catching your eye.

(photo from Target.com)

Treat idea #7: A new accessory. Earrings can be cheap. A bracelet. Cute socks. New mittens that look better with your coat. A lipstick.

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More treat ideas, please: it’s a long month.

1. Cute

Paul is a foot-scuffer (it is one of those small things that within the confines of marriage becomes surprisingly annoying), and he wears his slippers from late fall until mid-spring, and he keeps going OUTSIDE in them. So his need to meet the following requirements:

1. Shoe-like sole
2. Very warm
3. Not too old-mannish
4. Not one million dollars, because they’ll need to be replaced soon
5. Scuffing sound should not be too abrasive

His old slippers have lasted longer than I would have expected. They’re similar to these:

Sierra Designs Down Bootie (photo from Amazon.com). They were more expensive than I’d thought it was possible for slippers to be (OH NAIVETY), about $50. The blue ones are at $40 right now with Prime shipping, so I’m tempted to just buy them—but the reviews are not great, and I’m not sure what size to get him because some of the reviewers complain about them running small.

I asked on Twitter for advice, and omg_youguys recommended L.B. Evans Klondike (photo from Amazon.com). I like the look of them: handsome and sturdy.

Jonniker, lovemykitties17, SaraBellePlaine, jeninmich, tooptumber, and bringatweet recommended L.L. Bean Wicked Good slippers. I think Paul would like the ankle-covering style (photo from LLBean.com). I wish they had half-sizes: Paul is between sizes, but he’s like “and a quarter” instead of “and a half,” so ordering up is often too large. I’d get him the high-loft loungers except for all the reviews saying people couldn’t even get their feet into the tops. Do you suppose that’s a user failure (i.e., not knowing how to work the pull-cord), or a design problem? Seems like a pretty huge design problem, if it is.

Am_doingmybest recommended Lands’ End Fleece Clog Slippers. I think Paul would want something with more ankle, maybe the Shearling Ankle Slippers (photo from LandsEnd.com). Yikes, almost three times the price of the clogs.

Or the Nylon Quilt Bootie Slippers (photo from LandsEnd.com) are most similar to what he’s used to.

Kailenx recommended the Old Friend Moccasin. I looked for something with more ankle and found the Old Friend Bootie (photo from Amazon.com). That does look cozy.

Acorn Varsity Slipper (photo from Amazon.com). I was considering these until they doubled in price. I’ve still got them in my cart, in case they go back down. I’m not sure they’re warm/ankley enough anyway.

Acorn Polar Moc (photo from Amazon.com). These are on sale, but again I’m not sure they’re warm/ankley enough—especially since one reviewer mentioned they were perfect for year-round use. If they’d work in summer, I don’t think they’re warm enough for winter.

Here are the ones I’m considering:

Fractal Cosmos: The Art of Alice Kelley (photo from Amazon.com). Colorful, and cool, and the kids would think it was neat, and it looks good for standing in the kitchen staring at it while trying to figure out when I could fit in a dentist appointment and still be here for the bus.

Charley Harper (photo from Amazon.com) (go here to see the back). I had a Charley Harper calendar a couple of years ago, and it’s been one of my all-time favorites.

Food Landscapes (photo from Amazon.com) (go here to see the back). Landscapes! Made from food!

Yoga Cats (photo from Amazon.com). I generally avoid cat calendars, figuring that three cats is enough cat for our household. But oh, man, the kids would CRACK UP.

Masha D’yans Watercolors (photo from Amazon.com). If this one was still at a reasonable price and had Prime shipping, the choice would already be made and it would already be on its way to me. Since it doesn’t, I have to decide if I’m willing to track it down in a physical store.

Charles Wysocki Americana (photo from Amazon.com). I like the peaceful nostalgic look of this, and I also like pictures that have lots of things to look at while I’m on hold.

Hello Kitty (photo from Amazon.com). I get this one every year for Elizabeth. I suppose one year she’ll want something different. At which point I’ll probably get it for myself.

Hot Guys and Baby Animals (photo from Amazon.com) (go here to see the back). I am imagining Paul’s reaction to this suddenly appearing in the kitchen.

Mark Rothko (photo from Amazon.com). This is a top contender. I think the big chunks of color might be restful and cheery. Or maybe they would be dull. [Darn it, this one sold out while I was writing. This other Rothko calendar is still available.]

Exquisite Creatures (photo from Amazon.com) (go here to see the back). What lovely rainbowy…bugs. This one keeps catching my eye from a distance, but I don’t know if I’d like it so much up close. And in the kitchen, near where I’m cooking food.

Little Critters (photo from Amazon.com). This is the frontrunner, adorable and cheerful.

Rabbits (photo from Amazon.com). As with many calendars, this one has the problem of having about half really excellent pages, and about half kind of lame pages.

Healing Herbs (photo from Amazon.com). Perfect for the kitchen, and interesting things to read while on hold. But the interesting reading material means the calendar squares are smaller and have less room for writing.

Tattoo-a-Day Calendar (photo from Amazon.com). Perfect for someone considering a tattoo. Each day shows a different tattoo idea and there’s also a sheet of twelve temporary tattoos, one from each month.

Mackenzie Thorpe (photo from Amazon.com). Another frontrunner.

Audubon’s Birds of America (photo from Amazon.com) (go here to see the back). I had the Sibley bird calendar this past year, so I don’t think I want a second year in a row of birds. But I’m tempted anyway.

The Princess Bride (photo from Amazon.com). A Princess Bride CALENDAR? AWESOME. AND, this is one of the only movies Paul and I both like.

Spirit of the Far East (photo from Amazon.com). It was smart to lead with a bird picture on the cover. It’s not all bird pictures, but that caught my attention.

Foxes (photo from Amazon.com). I am fond of foxes.

Fold Your Own Robot (photo from Amazon.com). I bought this for Paul for Christmas. This morning he was in a tizz about whether to use it at work or at home: both his coworkers and his children would enjoy participating. So I just ordered him a second one.

The Elements (photo from Amazon.com). If I weren’t already buying this for William, I’d have it on my own contender list. Buying calendars for children’s rooms is an excellent way to (1) decorate the room with a fresh picture every month and (2) get more than one calendar when you can’t make up your mind. This one comes with a poster, too.

Pets Rock (photo from Amazon.com). A cat that resembles Lady Gaga? A dog that looks like Austin Powers? Sure!

Botanical Garden (photo from Amazon.com) (go here to see the back). This is so pretty and light!

Carnival of Dreams (photo from Amazon.com). Big areas of really nice colors; sweet tranquil pictures.

Vegetable Garden (photo from Amazon.com) (go here to see the back). I love this style of illustration so much, but there’s no room to write on the days.

Royal Wedding (photo from Amazon.com). The royal wedding was more affecting and interesting than I’d expected. The calendar tempts me, especially at half off.

Hershey (photo from Amazon.com). Yeah baby.

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This is so exciting! What calendar are YOU getting this year?

For Henry, age 4: Knight and Dragon 36-piece puzzle (photo from Amazon.com). Note that the box is (1) cute, (2) an impractical but fun shape, and (3) not a match to the puzzle. Whatever, I like it and it has the right number of pieces and he loves knights.

Melissa and Doug Pirate Costume (photo from Amazon.com). My parents are giving Henry this. We have the Knight Costume, and it was so much better-quality and more awesome than I’d expected. (I’d been picturing a Halloween costume, made of thin icky material that tears after one use. BUT NO: it’s like what you’d find in a classroom dress-up box.)

Crocodile Creek Joust backpack (photo from CrocodileCreek.com, because Amazon’s was weirdly tiny), for Henry. We are very keen on knights and pirates, apparently, at age 4. Even though I got the backpack on a very nice deal (an unexplained short-lived dip to $13), and even though Henry won’t need a lunch box and water bottle for two more years and who even knows if he’ll still like knights then, I’m upset I didn’t get this backpack & lunch box & water bottle set for $24. I don’t know why it’s that low, but there are only five sets left and I’m tempted to get one even now that it no longer makes sense to do so.

Super Mario Galaxy (photo from Amazon.com). Edward (age 6) has been dreamily hoping he’ll get this for Christmas ever since his birthday this past year when he was dreamily hoping he’d get (and DID get), the significantly more expensive Super Mario Galaxy 2. I don’t know why he wanted them in reverse order like that.

Fingerstache Temporary Mustache Tattoos (photo from Amazon.com). Edward saw these when we chose them awhile back for one of William’s friends, and he was entranced. Lucky for him, they were 4-for-3 so I’d already bought four packs and could easily set one aside for him. (The stock-up was lucky for me, too: William came home from school saying he needed a $5-or-under Santa Swap gift for school, and I was trapped at home with sick children.)

ABC House 100-piece puzzle (photo from Amazon.com). Elizabeth (age 6) has been suddenly interested in puzzles this year. The 100-piece ones are exactly at her level, so we got her this fun dollhouse one.

Melissa and Doug Deluxe Bead Set (photo from Amazon.com). I had this on the gift shelf, and Elizabeth saw it while choosing a gift to bring to a birthday party. She was MADLY JEALOUS that this one was on the gift shelf instead of in her possession. After she chose something else for her friend, I secretly tucked this aside for her.

Hexbug Nano Battle set (photo from Amazon.com). I would never have guessed that Elizabeth would want a set of these, so it’s a good thing she mentioned it. And mentioned it. And mentioned it. Her aunt and uncle are getting it for her. They’re getting Edward the glow-in-the-dark set, which he is hoping for with clenched hands and squeezed eyes.

(Our car repair guy asked the twins what they were hoping to get for Christmas, and then I had to try to explain Hexbugs. “They’re like…pretend bugs. And they vibrate, but they do it in a way that makes it look like they’re alive. But like ROBOT-aliveness, not COCKROACHY-aliveness. And they go around in little mazes. …This is how you feel when you’re trying to explain my car to me, isn’t it?”)

Crazy Aaron’s Thinking Putty (photo from Amazon.com). Ever since Paul got the magnetic version of this as a gift, we’ve had it on our idea list for William (age 10). We got him one heat-sensitive color-change variety and one color-shifting variety.

Hexbug Remote-Controlled Inchworm (photo from Amazon.com). I don’t know (1) why this is called an inchworm, or (2) why this is so expensive, or (3) why William wanted it so much—but it is, and it is, and he did, so it’s one of his gifts. I hope the mediocre reviews don’t mean it will be a disappointing gift. I bought it at Target, so it was more like $18 and it’ll be easy to return if necessary.

Makin’s Professional Ultimate Clay Extruder (photo from Amazon.com). William does a lot of Sculpey, and we had heard that an “extruder” (icky word) was awesome for it. When I was researching extruders, I found a number of reviews saying that the one they were reviewing was difficult to use and to get this one instead. I obeyed. Or rather, I suggested it to my parents and THEY obeyed.

SanDisk 4GB MP3 player (photo from Amazon.com). We bought Rob (age 12) an MP3 player last year, and he took far better care of it than we’d expected: it was only last month that it met its fate in a wash cycle. We’re getting him a new one this year, and because that’s a little bit of a bummer gift (he’ll be happy to have it, but it’s a replacement rather than a New! Thing! to Try!), we got him a 4GB instead of the 2GB, and we got it in orange (his old one was less expensive and only available in black at that price).

ThinkFun Solitaire Chess (photo from Amazon.com). Because the MP3 player was (1) his main gift from us and (2) bound to be a little bit of a letdown despite being an AWESOME GIFT, we were hoping to find a couple of really FUN small gifts: things that could be played with and be new and fresh. Rob really loved Rush Hour Jr. by ThinkFun when he was younger, so I’m hoping he’ll feel the same way about Solitaire Chess.

Wii Tetris Party (photo from Amazon.com). This is for all the kids, not just for Rob, but Rob is the one who likes Tetris best of all of them so I hope this will be another Christmas-fun-enhancer for him.

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What are some of the things you got for kids this year?

My attention was seized by this dilemma, written by Kristin on the Assortment of Unusual Gift Ideas post:

Swistle have you ever done a list of gifts for the family holiday exchange? I kind of poked around your archives but didn’t see one. We do a Christmas gift exchange in our family, and the gift is supposed to be appropriate from anyone from my 80-something grandparents down to my 20-something cousin and everyone in between (basically once you are out of high school, you’re in the exchange). It stumps me every single year. And we don’t draw names in advance, so you can’t shop for a specific person in mind. Aieee!

Oh, dear. That takes the cake for the worst family gift-exchange plan I’ve heard. I can see what they were trying to do there, but no. Names need to be drawn, or at the very least we need assignments like “buying for a woman” or “buying for a man.” Or else this needs to be done Yankee Swap style, where people can trade. However, I am familiar with the way family things typically work, and my guess is that you will have to be one of the old ladies of the family yourself before you’ll be able to change this, so let’s work with reality the way it is.

I think Gift ideas for people you don’t like (or the more crudely-named Gifts for A**holes) is a good place to start, even though presumably you DO like most of these non-a**holey people. Those posts includes ideas for when you don’t want to make an emotional investment in thinking of what someone would like, you just want to buy a good general gift anyone would like and be done with it. So there are some jokey things on the list (knives, trash cans, books that support a habit of self-absorption), but also those are indeed things pretty much anyone would have a use for: puzzles, books, blankets. I can picture either a grandmother or a college guy being interested in a book like Picture of Me: Who I Am in 221 Questions (photo from Amazon.com) or All About Me—and if they instead find that sort of thing self-indulgent, it’s an easy re-gift.

In fact, that reminds me: I have some experience with this. Last year I participated in a gift exchange where we had to buy something for someone we didn’t even know. I went to the store and realized how impossible that was. So what I did was, I looked for something that would have wide general appeal (stationery rather than weird artsy vase; throw blanket rather than baby blanket; puzzle book rather than auto-repair manual), but ALSO something that the person could use as a gift for one of their own family/friends if it wasn’t something they themselves could use. So I bought an assortment of ritzy holiday treats. I can’t remember anymore what exactly they were, but something like: box of fancy cookies, tin of fancy nuts, box of fancy chocolates. The recipient could eat those herself, or she could hand them out as two teacher gifts and a mail carrier gift. (My gift-giver also did a good job with this: she sent me two pretty blank journals, a mug, and a package of fancy imported coffee, if I remember right. I could use those myself, or any of those would make great gifts for a friend or a secretary or the bus driver or WHATEVER.)

So that’s what I think I’d aim for if I were you: not necessarily something that will please the recipient (though starting with something of general interest that’s likely to have broad appeal), but something the recipient can use as a gift for someone else.

Now, how about a list of gifts with wide general appeal? These work as Secret Santa gifts, mail carrier gifts, teacher gifts—gifts for anyone where you don’t really know the person and that’s okay.

Cute kitchen utensils! I have several of these happy spoons (photo from Amazon.com) in various colors, and they’re great spoons as well as being super cute. I also have many of the whimsical kitchen tools this post, and a cute piggy spatula that’s the perfect size for a million things (it’s slightly smaller than a regular spatula).

Cute desk accessories! I have this chicken tape dispenser (photo from Amazon.com) and I think it is even more charming in person. I have two pairs of woodpecker scissors because I love how they look but they’re also good scissors.

Branch pencils (photo from Amazon.com) are fun and awesome. (Here’s a set of non-colored lead ones.)

Which reminds me of the General New Skill Kit idea: almost anyone would be intrigued by a beginning drawing book/kit (photo from Amazon.com) (I have that very one and it was really fun and neat) (there’s a watercolor one, too).

Or if your family happens to be a bunch of artists, perhaps they would prefer Harmonica for Dummies. Or perhaps you have a family of instrument-playing painters, but can they make things out of duct tape? or do coin tricks? At the very least, it seems like such a gift would create an interested little stir, and perhaps some furtive trading.

Reusable shopping bags! Most of us fall into two categories: (1) we use them and could stand to have a few more, or (2) we don’t use them but feel like we ought to. And there are plenty of people who love them, so they’re easy to re-gift if we’re either (3) inundated with a million bags because we love them and keep buying them or (4) not going to use them so QUIT NAGGING. I was looking for a good sample one to link to and found this one that folds into a frog shape (photo from Amazon.com); I have no idea if it’s any good, but that is the kind of whimsical detail that takes a gift from boringly practical to fun and interesting. There’s also a pig, a duck, a mouse (I don’t think that’s a mouse, I think it’s a cat), and a bear—so you could buy however many you need to get to whatever people usually spend at these events.

Box of candy! Again, if they love candy, they’ll be happy—but it’s a perfect hostess gift or friend gift if they don’t. My own fancy-chocolates heart belongs to See’s, but any fancypants brand would work well. Ditto for a snack of other sorts: fancy cookies, fancy nuts. Choose a good brand and then get whatever you can for the price.

Gift card! Yeah. Probably you’ve already thought of that, if it’s the sort of thing the family gift-exchange allows.

Good stationery! If we knew who we were buying for, I could have found a more exciting set. [Shoot, I linked to one that had free shipping, but now those are gone and there's a shipping charge. You might as well go to Crane.com in that case, and maybe get a nice sale set.] But good plain Crane stationery (photo from Amazon.com) is the kind of set that can be used by a grandfather or by a college girl, by an aunt or by a brother. Maybe they won’t use it OFTEN, but good letter paper is good to have around.

Ornaments! Only you know if your family is more likely to have a general appreciation for pretty red glass birds (photo from Amazon.com) or for sock monkeys, for olivewood Bethlehem scenes or for bacon.

I had thought that we’d have to narrow down our favorites to fit them into a reasonable-length post, but in fact the problem has been finding ENOUGH for a post. There are tons of good Christian Christmas nativity-story books, but I was looking for books more about the general holiday: the presents, the tree, the carols, the cookies, the stockings. It was okay if there was a little bit of Baby Jesus (like if the family in the book went to a Christmas Eve service), but we ruled out all the books where that was the exclusive deal. After that, the problem was just that so many books weren’t any fun to read, or were unbearably cheesy, or didn’t make any sense, or just barely related to Christmas at all.

For example, Madeline’s Christmas is weird, and not about Christmas, and it introduces a magical theme into a series I think of as being realistic. (That is, in the Madeline books a child might have surgery or be rescued from a river, but a child does not fly around on a magical carpet. Madeline’s Christmas shakes up that expectation.) Christmas Cricket started out totally charming me with both the pictures and words, but then veered off into lying to children about how cricket chirps are “angel songs,” while I was still thinking “NO, there is just a CRICKET living in your CHRISTMAS TREE, and you are going to end up going BERSERK because those things DO NOT SHUT UP, and now you won’t even be able to get RID of it because you have convinced your child that it is an angel. WAY TO GO.”

Well. We did find a FEW we liked.

Merry Christmas, Merry Crow (photo from Amazon.com). A crow flies hither and thither around a town, gathering a bunch of little items: a lost toy car, the ribbon decorating someone’s mailbox, a scrap of paper, a piece of orange peel. It turns out (spoiler alert!) he’s decorating a Christmas tree for all the animals to enjoy. This was a fun book to read and look at: the crow is sometimes drawn hugely close-up and sometimes tiny and hard to find, and there are Christmas activities (shopping, parade, church service) in the backgrounds.

Olivia Helps With Christmas (photo from Amazon.com). If you already like Olivia books, I think you’ll also like this one. My favorite page is a flap-open one where the mother asks Olivia where she got that adorable little tree for the dining table, and right before she says the word “tree” you open a flap to show her whipping her head around and noticing the living room tree has been beheaded. There is plenty of the usual underplayed comedy: when the children are clearly shouting and stomping down the stairs on Christmas morning, the text says they “noiselessly crept” down the stairs.

Sam’s Christmas Word Book (photo from Amazon.com). This is a “one picture and one word per page” book suitable for babies, but my six-year-olds still like it. The author had to stretch a bit to come up with enough Christmas words, so it’s more like “Christmas and winter”: there is a page for each item of playing-in-the-snow gear, as well as a page each for various snow animals (penguin, polar bear), but also plenty of pages for ornaments and stockings and presents and candy canes.

Minerva Louise on Christmas Eve (photo from Amazon.com). Oh, Henry and I love Minerva Louise books SO MUCH! Minerva Louise is a silly, confident chicken who perkily misinterprets everything she sees. Henry and the twins are 4 and 6 and it’s perfect for their age—but even my 10-year-old looks over my shoulder and is amused.

The Cheerios Christmas Play Book (photo from Amazon.com). This book is so product-placementy, I am embarrassed to even give it space here. But my kids LOVED it as toddlers. We didn’t use Cheerios, I just had them point. “One tree needs ornaments. Can you add some?”—and the child points to each place a Cheerio was supposed to go. A surprisingly successful book, and also nice and sturdy.

Merry Christmas Maisy (photo from Amazon.com). The listing makes me a little nervous because it refers to it being a “mini” edition, but it also says it’s 9×9″. Well, no matter, my point is that Maisy books, like Minerva Louise books, have been a favorite at our house. This is the one I own (9×9, not mini), and it has lots of fun flaps and pull-thingies. Normally I HATE flap/pull-thingie books because they get ripped so quickly, but for a book I pack away with the Christmas things it’s perfect: I can make everyone be careful with it for a few weeks. There’s also a Maisy sticker book (again, normally a book category I don’t like, but perfect as an activity book for the stocking) and a board book.

Rainbow Magic Holiday Box Set (photo from Amazon.com). I haven’t read these so perhaps they’re insufferable—but Elizabeth loves this line of fairy books when we get them from the library, and this is a set of four Christmas-related ones. The price pleases me, too: $7 seems like a lot for one paperback, but this is four paperbacks for less than $17. (Plus a box, but within minutes she’ll accidentally crush that.)

Christmas Mice (photo from Amazon.com). This is a book we got in a Christmas set from Scholastic, and it’s been quite successful. It’s a rhyming story about mice getting ready for Christmas, and they even exchange gifts with the cat. A little cheesy (cheese? mice? see what I did there?), but the kids like it and I don’t mind reading it.

Winter Wonderland (photo from Amazon.com). This was another from a Scholastic set, and it’s been even more of a success, and in fact this was the first time I’d understood how romantic and sweet that song is. (The book is just the lyrics to Winter Wonderland, illustrated with cute mice.) We got this when we had two children, about ages 2 and 4, and I let them each choose a book each night before bed; they chose this one almost every night all December. I don’t have the kind of singing voice that leads people who overhear it to invent lies about angels, but I can get through it okay for the preschool set—and it’s fun to sing a book sometimes, instead of reading it.

The Night Before Christmas (photo from Amazon.com). There are so many references to the Clement C. Moore poem in popular culture, kids kind of NEED to have it in the Christmas book pile so they can get the jokes later on. There are a ton of excellent illustrators to choose from, but Bruce Whatley’s is the one we have and I love the pictures. We also have the Mary Engelbreit one, and I like that one a lot too.

The Christmas Alphabet (photo from Amazon.com). I would recommend pretty much ANY Robert Sabuda book; I chose this one because it’s a bargain book, and I do love bargains. I bought a tin of Robert Sabuda pop-up Christmas cards a few years ago, and I hand them out verrrrrrry stingily. Christmas looks like almost the same book, but with only one letter per page, which might be better. He also has a The Night Before Christmas book and a 12 Days of Christmas book, both of which look really fun.

The Sweet Smell of Christmas (photo from Amazon.com). A lot of us had this book as kids. It gives me a little bit of a weird feeling to see it and read it (and sniff it) again.

Jingle Bells, Batman Smells! (P.S. So Does May) (photo from Amazon.com). Junie B. Jones books have been popular with each of our children as they’ve hit the kindergarten/first-grade age range. Henry’s not quite ready for them, but the 6-year-olds LOVE them.

Merry Christmas (photo from Amazon.com). We’ve had such consistent success with these Priddy Bright Baby books, I’d take a chance on this one without even looking inside. (But why oh why do they have to call them “Bright Baby”?? Every time I buy one, it feels like saying I think my baby is exceptionally bright.)

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What are the favorite Christmas books at your house?