Moms On Issues
with Sara and Veronica
We're two moms with different backgrounds, jobs and points of view, writing about our opinions on the political and social issues affecting working moms. We'll also keep our eye on the media and the celebrity mom world to highlight issues that are relevant to your life.
Check out our personal blogs: Veronica's Blog and Sara's Blog
A former boss of mine liked to comment on every decision she made in my presence because she sincerely felt that as a mentor she needed to explain it all to me. One of the trueisms was that you have to manage and make rules according to the lowest denominator. My concern that day happened to be that we didn’t get access to our sick days until after six months of employment. As a new mom, I knew how valuable sick days were, especially when we also had no access to vacation days until that magical six months.
I return to her advise when I hear story after story of mothers or pregnant women being discriminated against. On the surface I can understand how a supervisor “burned” by a new mom who picks up and leaves for stay-at-home-paradise would hold a grudge against other women. Women like Linda Hirshman would say that this proves that women “opting out” is ruining it for the rest of us hearty women who stay in the workplace. Of course, I’m never that eager to blame other women, but would rather look at the system to see what could change.
The problem I have with Hirshman’s thesis is that even if a woman comes into a position all done with her baby making days, she’s still wearing a Scarlett Letter:
“Moms were seen as less competent and committed. Moms were half as likely to be hired as childless women or men with or without kids. Moms were offered $11,000 less in starting pay than non-moms. And, just for good measure, they were also judged more harshly for tardiness.”
Unfortunately maternal profiling is legal in most states. Many organizations are trying to shed light to the issue as well as push elected officials to create laws to protect parents from this profiling. Unfortunately this issue has had a hard time finding traction or support from citizens. And we all know that unless an elected official has a reason to move, they won’t.
Discrimination isn’t focused just on new hires or even new unproven moms, but also to very experienced and proven employees who are planning for their second child. Pamela Paul, author of Parenting, Inc., tells a friend’s story at the Huffington Post:
Unfortunately, even in these supposedly feminized times and in an era in which parenthood has become surprisingly chic, getting pregnant puts you on a swift path to workplace stagnation, disrespect, and in too many cases, flat-bottom-out demotion. A good friend of mine, call her Nadya (lest I sabotage her future employment plans forever), was working part-time last year when she told her boss she was expecting her second child. “Ohhh….,” her (female) boss simpered with a pitying smile. “Well, you just don’t know what life is going to be like after two kids. You’ll probably be overwhelmed.” Fast forward eight months, and the full-time spot that Nadya had been actively angling for — for over a year — the one that had been all but promised to her, was conveniently filled during the month after Nadya delivered. “How could I have known where you would stand when you returned — if you returned?” her ostensibly sympathetic boss asked.
I can’t fathom a way for legislation to address the promotion issue. Who knows if one of Nadya’s coworkers took advantage of her absence to work 80-hour weeks, do some major butt kissing and bring in the donut box every morning? But chances are that her boss decided that with two kids, Nadya couldn’t handle the work or maybe her fire would be doused with breast milk. So how can we battle this?
From all the stories I have read over the years, you need a written contract. It might not hold in the end, but to get things in writing is vital. As soon as you tell your boss that you are pregnant sit down and write out a plan. Don’t promise that you’ll come back unless you know it is at least mostly true. Or you feel like you’ll be treated poorly for essentially giving your 7-month notice. I’m not a lawyer, so these are just my ideas, NOT legal advise, k? Get your most recent performance reviews and most importantly do your job. And gosh darn it, do it well. This isn’t a time to slack one ounce - I’ve read stories where employers take advantage of that. “She was a great worker until she got pregnant!” We need to find a solution to this issue. We don’t want to go back to the days (have we ever really left) when a lawyer I met said she was back in the office a few days after having her son in the early 1970s?
What was your strategy for maternity leave and your job? Did you take leave at a vital time? Any stories of having “done it right,” only to get shafted anyway?
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I was in a very early stage of my career, so having kids didn’t sabotage any promotions. I don’t really feel too mommy-tracked. I almost think this is because there aren’t enough women in my industry for the managers to have a SOP for working mothers. They demand as much of us as anyone else, and we make as much too. Really. I’ve seen the salary info. Still, I always have the urge to explain to potential employers in interviews that my kids are 1) out of diapers & I am not having any more, 2) my husband is self-employed and the designated parent-on-call, 3) my parents live a block away for emergency child issues. I DON’T explain this, but I often want to so no one secretly thinks that I might pop out a couple kids in the next year or two.
alison | March 26th, 2008 at 9:12 am
I remember when I was pregnant, I told my boss that I was planning on returing 6 weeks after. I had 6 weeks of state disability and that’s all that we could really afford. Then two weeks after I delivered, my state implemented a new program that gave new parents (mothers and fathers plus it included adoption) another 6 weeks of paid family leave. So I candidly called up my boss and kindly asked for another 6 weeks. I was willing to go back to work if he said no. After all, I had already given my start date. But he was totally open and agreed.
When I returned to work, the person who was supposed to cover for me had gone AWOL and ended up in a treatment center for his drug addiction (no joke). So I returned to absolute chaos. It ended up making for a great opportunity to showcase my value. The management team saw how quickly things fell apart when I wasn’t there and how quickly I pulled them back together when I returned. I used it to my advantage to get a major promotion 5 months later.
That said, most of the women at my company that took extended leaves for 6 months or more when they had a child. And then when they did return, many did so in a part-time fashion. We had one mom that took 18 months off before returning. I think that since many of the company’s working mommas downgraded their career, it made it easier for me to shine. I continued to work full-time. And I continued to outperform when compared to my peers.
Robyn | March 26th, 2008 at 6:21 pm
I feel like I’ve read a lot on this topic, just tonight, oddly (see Mom 101 post and Up With Mom post). I think the problem a lot of the time is perception vs. reality. What do our managers “perceive” of us after we have children, vs. what do we know and believe ourselves able to do? There can be a certain stigma to having children. Unfortunately, it shouldn’t be in the hands of few on how to decide to handle the working mom “liability” but so often it is out of our control. Perhaps legislation is the only answer.
selfmademom | March 26th, 2008 at 10:14 pm
i think it also depends greatly on the company. I work for a huge company with very ‘old fashioned’ values - like having a family is seen as an asset. i was constantly asked if i had children (prior to having a baby) and since having my son my career has picked up significantly! i realize this is bizzare… but i think a lot has to do with your individual company and perception of your ‘work personality’ … that said, we still need better maternity and anit-discrimination laws! i realize how lucky i am to be working here and i wish others had the same opportunity.
Kate | March 27th, 2008 at 8:28 am
[...] week, at Work It Mom, Veronica adds that “Unfortunately maternal profiling is legal in most [...]
BabyCenter: MOMformation » Blog Archive » Have you ever experienced “maternal profiling”? | March 27th, 2008 at 10:12 am
Great post Victoria, I just wrote about similar - and Sara sent me here to commiserate. I really do understand both sides of it. I’ve seen plenty of women take their paid 3 month maternity leave with no intention of returning, which I think really screws the rest of us who actually do. But there are still moments that I’ve had my leave held against me…three years later. Give me a break.
Mom101 | March 27th, 2008 at 10:24 am
wow, kate! You are lucky. I’m pretty lucky as well. I work for feminists who walk the walk. They don’t have power over all the rules, but they do what they can.
Veronica | March 27th, 2008 at 11:06 am
I fear I could write a book on this issue. I will try to keep it brief. I am a research scientist. I was pg with my first and went on leave. While on leave one of MY proposals was funded and I was notified a week before I came back to work. However, in my absence the proposal turned project was handed to one of the men in my group. My manager denied it was because I was on leave. Though a year later my team lead confirmed that yes, indeed, I lost on that proposal (that would have promoted me) because I was on maternity leave and they needed someone they could “rely” on.
My company also removes all your sick leave as part of short term disability (aka maternity leave) and you don’t get it back for 13 months. What other time do you need sick leave the most but after the birth of a baby and that first year in daycare? I have had to use vacation time or recently my new (female) manager was “kind enough” to authorize time off without pay when my 3 year old needed surgery since my sick leave was drained with the birth of my baby 5 months prior.
April | March 27th, 2008 at 5:57 pm
I work from home now, but when I was pregnant with my first, I was working as an English teacher at a private school here in Guatemala. When I first told my supervisor that I was pregnant, she said it was fine. I was due to deliver during the holidays anyway, so it shouldn´t have been an issue.
But, throughout the year, two other teachers also were pregnant and one of them left early and didn´t come back after giving birth. I ended up being treated very poorly by my supervisor, punished for being late and when I had to leave early (though I had no classes) because I needed to go to the doctor, she insisted that I stay late to help clean. It was definitely not a good situation and I ended up not returning after my son was born, but I heard that the other pregnant women were actually refused jobs when they tried to return!
Obviously things are a bit different here, there aren´t really any laws, but I do think it depends on the company and the personal situation of each mother. If you are able to work hard, why shouldn´t you be promoted?
Genesis | March 29th, 2008 at 9:23 pm
Thanks to Self-Made Mom for mentioning my post. It was from my perspective of being both a working mom and a supervisor of working moms. It’s a tough juggle for both roles.
I agree with much of what others have already said. It depends on the company and it depends on the supervisor. If you truly value your employees, you can’t make assumptions about how their personal lives will affect them. Sometimes new moms come back, sometimes they don’t and sometimes they want flexible arrangements. Having been through it as a supervisor so many times, I’ve learned that what a new mom will do is never a safe bet. But I’ve never had a working mom who came back whose working mom status diminished her performance. A high performing employee is just that no matter what her family status.
Amy@UWM | March 31st, 2008 at 6:22 am
I have been on three sides of this debate as the pregnant working mom whose position was demoted after returning from leave. The manager dealing with moms who used/abused leave time to care for children. And, the advocate supporting congressional reforms.
I believe it’s become an issue for gov’t to fix b/c employers have slowly increased work hours and workloads to unmanageable and stressful levels so that only the childless workers (and males) can advance.
This isn’t fair and continues to widen the gap as there are many educated able/body moms out there who want to work and have a better work ethic than most.
Reform needs to take place now so that there is equal opportunity for all who want to work and have the same opps for advancement.
But, I do believe there should be some incentives for employers also that will monitor and regulate time abusers.
I support reforms through MomsRising.org
http://www.momsrising.org/node/792
Kelli | April 1st, 2008 at 9:53 am
I am on the eve of returning to work after taking out standard Canadian 1 year mat leave after having my second child. I suspect I will be reassigned (to a comparable job to the one I left, so it should be OK) and I think part of that is because of maternal profiling by my previous manager.Three observations 1) women seem to get more support for having their first baby — like everyone thinks you are entitled to one — but eyebrows seem to go up when you have a second (or heaven forbid a third!) 2) kids or not I grow more resentful each year of employers’ expectations that people whould be working endless hours for them. I don’t care if it’s family, pets, training for a marathon, whatever, people should be entitled to their own time. It chaps my ass that companies basically expect employees to volunteer for them — put in a couple extra hours a day, and over the course of the month you’ve contributed an extra WEEK’S labour for free to your employer. They reap the profit for that and unless they are paying you a very healthy bonus at the end of each year you are unlikely to be compensated for that time that has padded your company’s bottom line. And 3) I hate the assumption that more hours worked = more work done. I think it is a very shallow and short-sighted management team that simply considers who the last man standing is every night and assumes that’s their hardest/most productive worker.
Elle | April 2nd, 2008 at 4:51 pm
This is a tough issue. I’ve thought about it from different sides over the years. I’m in a male-dominated, family-unfriendly field. Women either don’t have children, or have them late. Men don’t talk about their families at all, and often I’m surprised to find out that so-and-so is married and has kids.
Our maternity leave policy consists of using up all your sick time and vacation time. Most women also file for short-term disability as well. Couples who work at this company cannot “donate” leave time to a spouse, but get the worst end of a double-edged sword–they must split the FLMA 12 week allowance for unpaid leave between them!
At any rate, before I had children, I worked extremely long hours, at least one afternoon on the weekends and travelled whenever necessary.
Now that I have kids, I freely admit that I work less. While I still love what I do, I just don’t have as much “free” time to commit to work. I can’t stay late, and I don’t work weekend afternoons, even when my children are napping. I just don’t have the energy!!
OTOH, it seems I had been doing more than enough, because I’m still advancing in my career, and I’m still considered an asset (recent performance evaluation!).
But I could see why some employers might have an issue with hiring women! I *am* less productive.
I don’t know what the solution is. Perhaps increasing the value of raising children would help. At present, while people say “it is the hardest job”, it doesn’t get much respect.
spacegeek | April 10th, 2008 at 9:59 am
I’m at home now, but I have worked the whole time my children were little. They are now older and my two youngest are playing so much sports that I feel like I’m missing out on their whole life when I’m at work. So now I’m working at home with my website: http://workingformom.com. Just so I can see my girls play ball.
Frances Hall | April 18th, 2008 at 12:54 pm
Speaking from experience, unfortuately contracts don’t work in the public sector. I ‘m an Admin. Asst. at a state college who delivered my son at the end of Jan. ‘08 (have two older kids at home) after having lost a child 4 years ago and suffering a m/c a year later (all known to my supervisor & employer). I have been reviewing my leave options with my union reps (two of whom couldn’t agree on what the language of our contract said) since Sept. Was advised to ask for 16 wks maternal leave (which turned into a fight, but I got it). Then I asked for 24 wks parental leave; was granted 8 wks because the “needs of the College” were so great. Then, per union advice, put in for 1 yr unpaid leave of absence to continue as “primary caregiver of my infant”. Was denied outright, even though contract states that “no request may be unreasonably denied”, and despite fact that faculty (another union) have been granted unpaid LOAs of a yr to take care of kids and finish degrees, and mgrs (Deans) have been allowed unpaid LOAs to finish degrees, work for the neighboring state’s state college system!!!!, and my own boss got 1 yr and then a 6 month extension to travel with her husband and kids! My own union is now saying that “the wording is vague” and that HR’s reason for denying my leave is that no other unit member has ever gotten one!
DH is adamant that we seek legal action. I just want the damn thing to be over, and for people to do the right thing. It’s sad when our country’s policies towards families are so far behind other industrialized countries.
workingmompro | June 23rd, 2008 at 1:23 pm