Moms On Issues
with Sara and Veronica
We're two moms with different backgrounds, jobs and points of view, writing about our opinions on the political and social issues affecting working moms. We'll also keep our eye on the media and the celebrity mom world to highlight issues that are relevant to your life.
Check out our personal blogs: Veronica's Blog and Sara's Blog
This site is called “Work it, Mom!” and the tag line says, “a place where working moms connect/de-stress/share advise/find support.” Does that mean that we are only a place for 40-hour working outside the home moms? I say no.
After joining this community, I’ve had a few conversations with other moms about whether or not they would be welcome here. Moms who use to work full-time in an office but are not staying home, but also working freelance. Moms who never worked after they had their children but sell something in the evenings (make-up, jewelry, kitchen ware, etc.). Women who aren’t moms, but feel a kinship to their mommy friends.
My verdict? Everyone is welcome to this site and I’ll tell you why.
First of all, I think that I have it pretty darn easy. My daughter has been in the same daycare facility since I went back to work. Yes, we had about a month of insanity due to the facility being a new and not opening when they said they would. But since we started there, she’s stayed put and has been very happy with it. I can count on one hand the number of times she cried when we left her in the morning. At this point, if the director would let us, we could honestly let her out of the car and she could sign herself in and walk to her room. The first time she cried when I left her was one of the worst days of my life. I’ve seen kids in her rooms who cry almost every day…I feel nothing but sympathy for those parents.
Next, I know that I have until 6:30 pm Monday through Friday to pick up the kid. If I need to hit Target for a few things, done. Sometimes my husband & I grocery shop before we pick her up. No worries about her missing us, that the nanny is waiting, or that the babysitter flaked.
I work for two reasons - One I love my job and two I know I do not have the patience to stay home with the kid. To the moms who stay-at-home, whether you are working for pay or not, I bow down to you. For reals.
Do I think that moms who stay at home and don’t bring in a dime are working moms? Yes. The child care, the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning…on and on, it’s all work. I read on a blog around Earth Day that some conservative was hailing SAHMs and especially homeschoolers as the saviors of the Earth. Why? Because they thought all SAHMs/Homeschoolers did was well, stay at home! Of course the man writing that wasn’t taking into consideration all the playdates, trips to the library, and visits to museums that you all do. Will SAHMs find conversations here that will connect with them? I’m not sure.
Do I think that moms who stay home and peddle stamps, make-up, and plasticware are working moms? Hells yes! I don’t care if you hold a party once a month or once a week, that’s working sister.
I bet you know what I think of moms at home and freelance too.
Is Work it, Mom! addressing the needs of all these different working moms? I don’t know. I know that I’ve found a nice community for what I was looking for. And what about our working non-moms? We do have a dad at Work it, Mom!, so there goes the daddy excuse. As for my women friends who are child-free? Please! Come! Join! Comment!
I depend just as much on my non-mommy friends as I do my mommy friends. I respect their perspective on the insanity that is motherhood. They are able to sit back, listen to my ranting, and go “Sweetie, she’s 5.” Um, yeah… Unlike other parents whom I’ve met, especially before I became a mom, I do like to hear from my non-mommy friends. If I respected them before, I’ll respect them afterwards. Yes, there are those who have no idea what parenting is all about, but I think we can pick those folks out pretty easy.
In the end, I personally find this community a place for discussing working mom issues. Whether those of you reading are working moms, child-free, or even dads, that’s just fine with me.
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That’s nice. You sound like a nice person. Very accepting and open-minded.
That being said, if I had my choice, I would not be a working mom. I hate working. I wish I never had to work a day in my life. I hate my job.
If I had a really great job that involved rubbing elbows with hawt B-list celebs, or being on the set of the Harry Potter movies, or even cleaning a hawt B-list celeb’s home, then I could understand loving my job. But none of those jobs belong to me.
But rock on, working moms who love their jobs. Rock the hell on.
UMassSlytherin | July 14th, 2008 at 8:31 am
This blog post made me tear up! Thank you for such warm, welcoming, and supportive comments! I used to work full-time; then I worked full-time plus a part-time business of my own; then I had a baby and worked just the part-time business; then I had a 2nd baby and am now home full-time. I do occasional freelance writing and consulting relating to my previous profession, but I’m mostly a SAHM. But I feel like–make that KNOW–I am working every second of the day. Thanks for pointing out that cooking, cleaning, childcare, grocery shopping, menu planning, appointment-making, on and on and on–it’s all working. It’s just a different kind of work than office work.
Also, I totally agree that non-parent friends are great sources of support and joy to us parents. Yes, yes yes.
Thanks for an inclusive, kind, empathic post. What a great way to start off the week.
Shannon | July 14th, 2008 at 8:57 am
Excellent post, and I agree with a lot of what you’ve said. Being a mom involved WORKING, period.
I’ve enjoyed being part of this community for over a year now, and I’m glad you’ve shared this perspective.
Florinda | July 14th, 2008 at 11:15 am
Having done all three: the stay at home thing, the work at home part time thing and the full time out of the house thing I can say this - all women with children work and are working.
We all are either parents or not parents (profound aren’t I) - doesn’t matter if we stay at home or not…
Dani | July 14th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
I don’t mean to sound… well, mean, but by this definition, everyone is a “working” person. (Except maybe those few who really do sit at home and do absolutely nothing.) Everyone does some type of work.
SAHMs who do not bring in any income just don’t fit into my definition of a “working mom.” Part-timers, freelancers, etc., on the other hand, absolutely do. My friend who does daycare in her home? She’s a working mom. The one who sells candles during the evenings and weekends? Yes, of course.
It’s not that I don’t think that SAHMs don’t have valuable insight to share with me. I absolutely do. I love hearing their stories and perspectives. It’s just that there is a unique challenge to being a mother/father/parent who also has a burden to provide financially for her/his family.
THAT is why I love this site. Because I have finally found somewhere with other parents who understand my situation, who don’t judge or criticize me for having a job. I don’t, by any means, think that the site should discriminate or that SAHMs should feel unwelcome. However, a SAHM who doesn’t need to or want to work probably doesn’t have the same perspective and challenges that I do. And I don’t think it is particularly helpful to pretend that she does.
Robyn | July 14th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
I think moms are hardest on each other. I agree that the stay at home mom and the mom going to an office or the mom working from home all face separate challenges. Each side has its pros and cons; its ups and downs. We should be supportive of each other and learn from each other. Unfortunately, that is not always the case. Just tonight I was out for a walk and ran into a couple of moms. One is a stay at home mom and the other was a stay at home mom but now works from home. I, go to an office each day to work. So all three together and I get bombarded with how could I possibly go back to work and how they could never do it; it would be so hard and they would have missed their kids so much. Like I do not have mommy guilt enough, I just stood there dumbfounded. Of course I miss my child. Some days I fight back tears as I stare at her picture on my desk. I wonder what I’m missing while she’s at the sitter’s all day. There’s also days when I wish for me time but again feel so guilty. I already miss so much of my child’s life while I’m at work; I cannot possibly take time for me when I could be with my daughter. And, believe me, work is not me time. Work is an obligation to pay the bills and provide for my family. Yes, I do get to have adult conversation and I can go to the bathroom on my own (I try to make sure I do that before I leave work each day for this very reason). Even if we could afford me to stay home, I’m not sure I would. I worked hard for my education and part of me would feel cheated if I did not use what I learned and apply the talents I have to do my part in my community. Perhaps I would work less hours or try for more flexibility, but I’m pretty sure I would still work. I do not feel moms who work because they want to are selfish. I understand this need. I think being a mom is more than a job title; it’s a way of life we all are part of.
Shannon | July 14th, 2008 at 10:28 pm
I tend to agree with Robyn, but wasn’t sure how to say it. Yes, motherhood is work, wifehood is usually work, and if you want to stretch it a bit, womanhood is work. But I’m not sure any of those three are the reason we’re all here. I feel women may benefit from this site even if they aren’t moms working for a paycheck, because they may do so sometime, or may be thinking about doing so and looking for pros and cons, and they may even have done so in the past and have great advice to give. But when we talk about the issues of “working moms,” we’re talking about a lot of stuff we wouldn’t be dealing with if we weren’t moms working for a paycheck. Political correctness is nice, but not entirely helpful in this context. There’s nothing wrong with having a focused site. If you try to please everyone, you won’t please anyone.
SKL | July 14th, 2008 at 11:13 pm
Really awesome post, Veronica. Thank you.
Kristin | July 14th, 2008 at 11:59 pm
I wish working wasn’t the whole issue when it comes to parenting. Being a mom period is work. Working or not. Women do so much all the time and we have to keep everything straight. Working adds another resposibility to a world in chaos anyway.
I want to work and bring in a paycheck but I have been laid off from jobs because of being pregnant / forced out because other people wanted to decide what I should do with my life and my children’s lives/ or don’t believe a mother should work at all.
Where I live you get turned down for work if you have kids. Educated or not. I am a stay at home mom not by my choice.
There are criticisms when you go to work too. You guys left that part out.
People used to ask me “Do you miss your baby?” or “Who’s watching your kids” or “How come your not staying home with your baby?” or “Don’t you make enough money to stay home.” It goes both ways.
It’s much easier to go to work and have someone raise your kids instead of doing it yourself. Going to work is a job but it’s a break.
Everyone needs money and they do what they can to survive.
Jessica | July 15th, 2008 at 8:23 am
I’ve never understood why women on either side of the stay at home/work argument go at each other so hard. If we could just support each other, and understand the choice that works for you is not necessarily the choice that works for me, we’d ALL be a lot better off.
I think we could learn a lot from each other - whether that’s me as a part-time stepmom right now trying to plan for my own child down the road while I work full time in an office and try to figure out a way to work from home part time - whether that’s someone like Nataly holding down a full time job during the day, part time in the evenings and caring for her child - Lylah being full time mom, part time stepmom, balancing work and a house - or someone else who works full time from home and juggles kids - or someone who takes care of her children all day - a homeschool mom trying to educate and keep the house running at the same time — if we could find a way to look past our labels and simply learn from each other without judging - wow what we could accomplish.
Kelly O | July 15th, 2008 at 10:47 am
I was pleased to read about the warm welcome given to all moms at this site. We all want what is best for our kids and we can help each other to achieve that.
I am a SAHM and a freelance writer. Because I have flexible hours, I am often the carpool mom for the neighborhood, and I don’t mind a bit. I’m grateful that I can make my own hours, be there for the school and sports activities and help out other parents when I can.
Theresa | July 17th, 2008 at 12:07 am
I am a working single mom. I have to disagree with Robyn on SAHM’s not being considered as working mother’s.
My daughter is in daycare 50 hours a week. I cherish my time with her, but I really and truly feel that it would be a lot harder on me to be a SAHM. I really look up to woman who work( YES, I SAID WORK) as full time mothers (often 24/7) and still have their sanity.
Although I would love to be in a situation where I could spend more time with my daughter, I do not think I would be able to stay at home with her all day everyday, plus be responsible for cooking, cleaning, errand, and every other little thing.
On the flip side though, I do agree that the perspective of a SAHM and a working mother’s have to be vastly different, but a different P.O.V. can be enlightening, I think. I am extremely independent and wouldn’t have it any other way but to be the sole provider to my mini family but I wanna give props to SAHM’s. I think you’ve got one of the hardest jobs of all.
Miranda | July 23rd, 2008 at 1:24 pm
I have to disagree with Robyn. I think SAHM’s have one of the hardest jobs there are. They are the sole models for their children to learn from, which mean they must be(or at least try to be) at their top notch behavior at all time. Not to mention cooking, cleaning, errand, and ever little thing in between.
I am a single working mother of a two year old who spends 50 hours a week in daycare. I miss her dearly while I’m at work, and I wish there was a way I could spend more time with her, but I’m the sole provider of our mini family, and I don’t have a choice.
On the flip side, if I did have the option to become a SAHM I most certainly would not take it. I could not even imagine spending all day every day with my child. No matter how much I love her, I would never be able to keep my sanity. I have to give mad props to SAHM’s.
I think both SAHM’s and working mothers….including little ‘ol me being a single working mother all have very different perspectives and challenges. Does this mean we are worthless to one another? Does this mean we cannot share and learn from one another? Does this mean one ‘type’ of mother has it worse or harder than another? HELL NO! We all have something to contribute and we all have a very important common ground. The aching of unconditional love and the overwhelming need to do what’s best for our children.
Miranda | July 23rd, 2008 at 2:34 pm
Sorry, didn’t mean to post twice =O
Miranda | July 23rd, 2008 at 2:35 pm
Wow, Very nice .. I am glad there are so many moms out there who are just like me . My daughter will start daycare in a couple months. She is with a sitter right now . I started working when she was four months old … Hats off to all the SAHM’s. I dont think I can keep up with it … But I too worked very hard for my education and waited for six years to have child so I could provide for her the way I wanted to …. and I can say that I am not there yet … Yes I have tons of mommy guilt and hate to be around SAHMS who look down on working moms . I certainly think SAHMS rock especially moms who are so involved in their childs life and succeed in keeping their children constructively occupied …but will visit this site more … MOM’s rock
Prachi | July 30th, 2008 at 3:28 pm