Moms On Issues
with Sara and Veronica
We're two moms with different backgrounds, jobs and points of view, writing about our opinions on the political and social issues affecting working moms. We'll also keep our eye on the media and the celebrity mom world to highlight issues that are relevant to your life.
Check out our personal blogs: Veronica's Blog and Sara's Blog
In one month my baby girl, my one and only, will start kindergarten.
As a full-time working outside the home mom, it’s not that I fear her going off without me because she’s been in daycare since she was 3 months. It’s not that she’s scared of starting kindergarten, she’s looking forward to it. But there is just something about kindergarten that scares the beejzus out of me.
Perhaps it is because she has been in the same place since she was three months old. That we really love our center, the directors, and the teachers. It might have something to do with the fact that our daughter is really comfortable with her center and teachers as well.
The fact of the matter is that this feels like our first big change in her five years. She was only a year old when we moved from our apartment to our home we have now. She did great with that, I think. We did get a dog last summer and that was a change in how we go about our lives. No more shooting off to dinner without stopping home, which of course limits our choices. OK, so maybe that’s not it.
Five. I think that’s it. She’s now five years old, a whole hand. Soon she’ll be off to kindergarten. Big girl school, with homework, grades and teacher conferences. It doesn’t help my anxiety that she’s going to be attending a school for gifted children.
Obviously she was smarty pants enough to get in, but I worry about the competition. I worry that she’ll react poorly and won’t do the work. I worry that she’ll suck it all in and that perfectionist in her who pops her head out on occasion will take up full-time residence in my daughter. My hope is that she’ll be able to find a nice medium. Use the competition to push herself but come to understand that she can’t be perfect. That she’ll learn early how to study so that when she hits middle school she won’t be steamrolled by the work only to be flattened in high school and college.
I also worry that she’ll feel bad that she isn’t as smart as the others. Or at least doing the same things as the others. Yes, I feel she’ll respond poorly for being ‘behind’ compared to others. My husband & I decided early on that we weren’t going to drill her or take her to any learning center. Of course now I’m wondering if we did the right thing.
My brain says yes, we did. She doesn’t see learning as a chore, yet. She picks up things pretty well. She loves to be read to, so I assume she’ll want to learn to read once she sees others in her class reading aloud. She has a teacher inside her - She “reads” to her stuffed animals.
I see kindergarten as the first real test of my job as a mother.
Did she learn anything in our daycare/pre-school?
Did I shortchange her by not staying home and drilling her?
Did we shortchange her by not signing up for Phonics? Math? Spanish?
Then I force myself to stop and consider that she logics things faster than most adults in the room. She did it last night again and it blew us away. I’m not sure how much math she does know, but she reveals hints of some mathematical genius. And then there’s her athletic prowess. My girl may be a big old nerd like her mama and daddy, but she’s also gonna be able to run circles around a lot of the kids.
OK, I feel better…for now anyway.
Anyone reading who has already gone through the kindergarten gauntlet? Any hints for me & others who will be entering the school system this year for the first time?
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Okay. I am crying too. And for the record - we took the same tactic with Josh - and now am asking the same questions - will he be prepared? Should we have sent him to private school? Drilled him more? Will he do well? Feel inadequate? Perfectionism do him in?
AARGH!
Dani
Dani | August 4th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
My son started kindergarten yesterday. YES! He was SO excited and it ended up being a good day. He did get confused as to what he was supposed to eat for lunch and what to eat for his snack (all packed together in one lunchbox). I’ll have to remind him every morning on the snacks I pack. And I think that the “Meet the Teacher” event really relaxed him. We met his teachers, toured the school, saw his classrooms, and found his cubby. So on the first day it wasn’t confusing for him where he’d be.
Grace | August 5th, 2008 at 4:11 am
I never stepped foot in a preschool but started a high-standards KG at 4 and, within a few months, was the best reader in the class. I would not worry at all about “not” sending your daughter to pre-KG stimulation classes or whatever. What really matters is how you have involved her in day-to-day life. Like you said, she passed the test to get in, and if she did it without prep (and you know some of her classmates didn’t), then she’s probably ready and will do fine. Don’t worry, let her know this is “her job,” and let her develop her own sense of responsibility about school. That’s what I’ve observed to work best. If for any reason she isn’t up to the challenge, it is best to know this now, so you can switch her to a less-demanding setting painlessly at an early age. To make the best decision for her, it’s important that “you” don’t get too invested in the impression her accomplishments make. Remember that many of the highest achievers in this country have gone to plain-old public schools as kids.
SKL | August 5th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
SKL & Grace - Thanks for the reassuring comments!
Dani - Perhaps this is why we may need to take the whole day off. We’ll end up spending the whole morning crying at your place!
Veronica | August 5th, 2008 at 10:46 pm
My daughter starts her first day of kindergarten in three weeks. She was also in a wonderful preschool with incredible teachers, parents and a fantastic director. Since I’m in grad school and a stay-at-home mom, I pulled her out from preschool for the summer. Not to drill her, put her in phonics, math or spanish but to have fun with her in her one summer left before she starts school. She took a ceramics class, had sleep overs, had friends over to play, we went to pump-it-up, and to the local water park every week.
Try not to stress or be hard on yourself and enjoy this time with her. She will pick-up what she needs to know at her own pace. It’s like our children truely and officially enter into the world at this point and our ability to protect them begins to shrink. Personally, I’m fearful of the whole “playyard politics” thing. Will my daughter feel or be left out? Will someone hurt her feelings? Who will be in her new group of friends? Will I like them? Is her self-esteem going to come out in one piece? With all these anxieties filling my head it does make me want to wrap myself around her and say no they can’t have you. But she should have them. Them being the experiences, adventures and opportunities to build independence which comes from entering into the world.
I’m right there with you, with tears, trying to let go… just a little bit.
Whitney | August 6th, 2008 at 5:48 am
This is a big milsetone! First off, if she’s going to a gifted school, the teachers should be aware of how to handle perfectionism. It’s a common trait in many gifted kids (not my sloppy boys though). Also, the teachers should recognize that a gifted child may not be gifted in all academic subjects.
We sent my oldest gifted boy to our local 1/2 day kindergarten knowing that he had far exceeded the academic goals for the year. We wanted him to get to know the school and its procedures. Honestly, he did not come away with much more and in retrospect it was a waste. The hope is that your daughter will learn and grow and develop habits and friends that will help her succeed in life. While being overchallenged isn’t any better than being underchallenged, it sounds like this school gives her the best chance of achieving those things. That’s why you chose it, right?
Now that my boy is two handfuls of years old, I can assure you that if the school is not right for your daughter, you will make a change and you will all survive.
Kim/hormone-colored days | August 6th, 2008 at 6:57 am
I already have the whole day off. Planning on buying some Kleenex stock prior to Sept 2nd. We can have a good cry at the coffee shop before picking up the kiddies.
Dani | August 6th, 2008 at 11:17 am
wow. I am going through the same thing. My son is going to K this year too. He is not in a gifted program. But I am also wondering if I taught him enough, if he is ready and all that stuff.
But if his pre-K teacher said that he is good and his Camp teacher said that he is good, what the heck am I worrying about.
Very typical for moms to worry and most of the time for no good reason. I do this to myself a lot.
Vera Babayeva | August 10th, 2008 at 5:09 pm
Whitney…how lucky of you!! I know it’s a hard road to be a student and a mom, but look at the benefit you got this summer.
Thanks Kim. Always on hand with a veteran’s POV to pick me up.
Vera…I think that no matter how hard we try not to buy into the 5yo education Olympics, we still have that threat that our kids will fail and it’ll be our failure. But yes, if we listen to our kids’ teachers now, we know we’re doing the right thing.
Veronica | August 10th, 2008 at 9:17 pm
Veronica,
I went through the kindergarten anxiety with my little one, and I can tell you that I had so many of the same thoughts. Kindergarten is wonderful and tough at the same time. Your child will learn so much, from how to deal with hurt feelings, how to make a friend, to how to read and write. It will be an amazing transformation throughout the year, and in the end, she will come out great. Enjoy the ride and take a lot of pictures!
KidsRead at http://kidsread.wordpress.com/
KidsRead | August 26th, 2008 at 8:49 am