Moms On Issues
with Sara and Veronica
We're two moms with different backgrounds, jobs and points of view, writing about our opinions on the political and social issues affecting working moms. We'll also keep our eye on the media and the celebrity mom world to highlight issues that are relevant to your life.
Check out our personal blogs: Veronica's Blog and Sara's Blog
A new poll out by Cookie Magazine/ AOL Health reveals some surprising news about today’s dads: they aren’t getting enough sex, so they’re turning to other women and the internet for some cheap thrills. The startling stat for me was that 32 percent of dads in this poll admitted to having an affair. Additionally, 60 percent of dads turn to the internet for fun.
Moreover, 70 percent of those polled said they imagine having sex with Angelina Jolie, Jessica Alba and Beyonce and 79 percent want more action in the bedroom. While baffled by the stat that a third of those surveyed have strayed from their wives at some point since having children, I’m less shocked that dads fantasize about celebrities or want more play between the sheets.
I’m not naming names or anything, but I know of a certain someone who crashes at 9:30 after running around a toddler all day not to mention that she’s four months pregnant so the last thing she feels like doing is engaging in a sort of physical activity that was more fun on her honeymoon. I’m just saying.
It’s easy to fall into such cliche stories when discussing sex after baby. Who doesn’t dread that six-week check up where the doctor gives you the “green light” to get at it? But there’s a difference between being stuck in a bad sitcom episode and having your man stray with something other than his keyboard.
I can’t quite fault those dads who find solace in the click of a mouse. It’s hard for that woman I mentioned, among others to get motivated to be romantic during the week late at night after the kids are asleep or in the wee morning hours before the coffee is brewed and the diapers need changing.
I can’t excuse the pathetic numbers of the study, but I think it’s a lot easier for men to initiate sex. Their boobs don’t hurt from breastfeeding, their bellies aren’t swollen from C-section recoveries and they don’t have the formula stains and dried snacks all over their clothes. There are some days where I’m glad I managed to shower, wash and dry my hair but realize soon after that luxurious five minutes that I forgot to shave my legs. Nothing says “come to mama” like five three day stubble.
But when we take our vows to love each other through better or worse, sickness and health, poopy diapers and unshaven legs, I expect both parties to follow. I’m just saying.
Moms out there, clearly I know a woman in need - how do you all spice it up during those long months of newborn and toddler hell? Has your man strayed since you had kids? Let it out!
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Huh. I wonder how many women cheat?
My husband doesn’t mind the stubble. He’s happy to get some action no matter what.
Sex is an important part of a relationship. It should be discussed and negotiated in the same way household chores and finances are.
Bottom line, however, is that there is never an excuse for cheating.
Robyn | October 2nd, 2008 at 10:49 am
[...] here. Barely. But I did manage to write a ditty about doing the dirty over here at Work It! Mom and want to give a shout out to my fellow Chicago Mom Bloggers who are part of the DonorsChoose.org [...]
Hi, I’m alive » Self-Made Mom | October 2nd, 2008 at 11:02 am
haha robyn! i was thinking the same thing. and ditto - hubby so doenst care what your legs look/feel like!
i am also ok with keyboard um ‘distractions’ but i also think a HUGE help is finding a babysitter - maybe have them come over BEFORE you are ready to leave so you can take a long shower/bath and get ready and take your time. Then go OUT to dinner and someother grown up activity.
yeah, even if you can’t do weekly (which i laugh at! who can do this?) aim for monthly and be happy for quarterly!
most of the time it’s us women just feeling GROSS that keeps us going to bed early with a headache… gotta talk ourselves into feeling pretty and attractive again!!
Kate | October 3rd, 2008 at 12:27 pm
Interesting topic. The past year has been the worst and the best in my marriage. It is year 2 of our daughter’s life and we have had some serious ups and downs. After my decision to stay at home, my husband felt extreme financial pressure (self-inflicted) to work…all the time.
During this time, we were more roommates than anything else. Sure, we still had sex a few times a month, but it was nothing like what it should have been.
I am now comfortable enough to admit on a blog that I found myself engaged in an emotional affair with a man I did freelance work with. My husband eventually found out about it and it nearly killed him. While this was a horrible experience, we went to counseling and now have a much stronger marriage than we have ever had. My husband admitted that he was a workaholic and I admitted to feeling lonely and making some bad decisions based on my feelings.
My point is just that I NEVER in a million years would have thought that I would have engaged in an affair of any sort. I go to church. I am a good person. I made some really poor choices. I still love my husband more than anything in the world and am grateful he had it in his heart to forgive me for what I did.
In terms of the other man (and in reference to this post), many men DO stray for sex, but many men stray for emotional support as well. Men need to feel admired and supported as much as women need to feel appreciated and loved. My only advice is to be 100% honest with your spouse. It will be the best thing you ever do for your marriage.
Anonymous | October 4th, 2008 at 10:36 pm
Even if you “think” you worked it out…guess what gal…you just gave your husband a free ticket for revenge at some point. The door swings both ways ladies. If my wife cheated on me (which I think perhaps she has or maybe is) and I was to forgive her at some point I would still have that seed of revenge (large or small) in the back of my mind. Guys are simple you see…(and sometimes complex as women too) but regardless just like a game of poker this is his ace “in the hole” (sorry I had to) Most guys would see a cheating wife or girlfriend as a get out of jail free card. I know I would…but I sure as hell would never let on to it…ooops..sorry guys! … Trust me, men see women cheating as a HELL of alot worse than women see it in my opinion. Men are just overly and overtly sexual (ok..horny) so when we cheat it really is 99% of the time just to get our rocks off and nothing else which is most likely why men may cheat more than women. Its just to clean the pipes. We don’t have to have all the flowers and warm fuzzies to have sex. (the porn age has destroyed that notion for us!) When women cheat it typically has some big emotional and passionate connection attached to it (for adult post 30 women anyway just as the previous poster admitted) To a man…this is just the absolute worst…not only has our holy temple been ransacked, it also had emotions and dare I say some “love” attached to it. Nothing is worse than those two combined to totally destroy a mans heart, soul, and ego beyond repair. As much as I hate to say it he’s almost better off never knowing OR you’d better come clean prior to sex with someone else OR have some sort of separation before you get your panties in a bunch. Respect for yourself and your spouse is key. Don’t let your animal instincts get the better of you and trust me..us guys have to deal with those thoughts daily. Look at what Hugh Grant did to Elizabeth Hurley…need I say more?
James | November 8th, 2008 at 4:49 am