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Not Cinderella's Stepmom

with Samantha

I'm a dreamer, writer and actor obsessed with classic television, lace, baking and quoting Ace Ventura (one of these things is not like the other). I like to believe that my life is just like a Disney movie with an Alan Menken soundtrack except the stepmom's not so evil. When I married my husband, David, in October of 2012, I fell madly, deeply in love with my two stepchildren, Chloe and Trey. It's incredibly hard to balance being a stepmom every other weekend with the rest of my life, but it is 100% worth it. You can find more stories about my family at my personal blog, fairytangles!

Why My Love for My Stepkids Has Changed

Categories: children, new baby, new mom, parenting, stepmom

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I feel like I could go on for hours about what it feels like to be a stepmom and expecting my very first baby, but I know everyone’s not that interested. Instead, people want to know what the kids think of their expected sibling (They are both SO excited!), how I think they’ll transition (Fabulously, I hope) and if I will feel differently towards them once the new baby is here.

Before, my answer was a resounding NO. I will love my stepchildren the exact same way I always have. My love for them will not alter a bit and, if anything, I’m worried I’ll show more love towards them than my own child.

Well… I’m here to tell you that this is no longer the case. My love for my stepchildren? Yep, it’s already changed.

Let me explain! When I became a stepmom, I had an instant connection with my stepkids. We were close, I immediately filled in the “mom” role when they were in our home, and our family was strong from the beginning. There was no awkward first weeks, there was no fighting or resisting the family change… it was seamless. It went off without a hitch, and all I knew was that my heart was now stretching to fill two little people that I just met.

I proudly told everybody that I loved them like they were my very own, that I couldn’t imagine life without them. And all of this is true! But, to be honest, before I got pregnant? I don’t think I had any idea what I was talking about.

Expecting a baby has made my love for my stepchildren change in one big, fantastically important way: Now I know what it really feels like to love your child. And you guys? That love I have for my stepchildren now is incomprehensibly bigger and more intense than it was before.

I know what it feels like to be a mother now. Before, I thought I did. I thought that taking them to school, tucking them in at night, praying for them and loving on them was the same thing. I thought I loved them like a mother loves her child, but I didn’t really know what that was like, did I? Not until I saw a little heartbeat flickering away on something the size of a kidney bean. Not until I absentmindedly rubbed my stomach while standing on the porch, feeling a bond to someone I haven’t even met yet.

Expecting my own baby has made my love for my stepchildren that much bigger. I still say I love them like my own, but it gives so much more meaning to me now. Yes, I would’ve laid my life on the line for them before and yes, I would’ve done whatever I needed to do to keep them happy, but the way it feels to me? That’s what’s so different. It embodies my entire being and often leaves my head swimming. I love them even more than I thought possible, and that is pretty amazing.

And, let’s be honest, a little scary.

Has your love for your stepchildren ever changed? Did it feel like a much bigger emotion when you had children of your own?

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