Parenting Without a Manual
with Talyaa Liera
I'm Talyaa, the poster child for the concept that there's no one right way to be a parent. I went from stay-at-home attachment-parenting mom of four to being the non-custodial parent, working as a professional writer and channel-psychic. Let's talk about throwing away the parenting manual and exploding the myths and mystique of motherhood!
Check out my personal blog at Juxtapositioning.
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Sarah Palin’s entry into our consciousness has polarized the U.S., and not just politically. Love her or hate her, much of our opinion about her is based on her identity as a mom.
Wha??
Aside from the fact that hello, it’s her political attributes (or lack of them) that we should be looking at, it feels like much of the debate over Sarah Palin is nothing more than a thinly-disguised continuation of the Mommy Wars. Working moms vs. stay-at-home moms. And I am sick of all the judging that is STILL going on with this. Can we stop now?
Sarah Palin abandons her kids/drags them out on the campaign trail = She’s a Bad Mom!
Sarah Palin is a working mother who can do everything = She’s a Supermom!
Are either of those statements correct? Maybe, maybe not. But seriously, who cares? When are we going to stop judging one another about what kind of moms we are or for that matter, on our status AS a mom?
If you have only one child, there is something wrong with you.
If you have too many kids, there is something wrong with you.
If you have NO children, there is something wrong with you.
If you stay at home with your kids and don’t have a Real Job, there is something wrong with you.
If you work outside the home and Abandon Your Family, there is something wrong with you.
If you don’t parent the way I do, there is something wrong with you.
[Sigh.] I’m so done with this whole debate. Can we get on with our lives and talk about something that means something now? Like kittens. Or brownies. Kthxbai.
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While I think this observation has some merit, my personal experience is that the women I’m talking with have “moved on” to discuss the issues that have or will ultimately decide whether we support the McCain/Palin ticket or not (policy, experience, beliefs, track-record). Generally speaking (which is dangerous to do, I know) the people asking my opinion of her as a working mom seem to be men.
Brenda | October 22nd, 2008 at 12:11 pm
I feel actually that most of the attacks on her “as a mom” were actually disguised attacks on her politics. I’m not sure why many working moms, who wouldn’t vote for her because she’s conservative / not Hillary / the opponent, thought it helpful to attack her based on her personal attributes - attributes that they would have fiercely defended were she the democratic running-mate. But, I do think most people have gotten tired of that discussion.
I was voting for McCain regardless of his running mate, so Sarah Palin was just icing on the cake for me. However, it does matter to me that she’s a mom. I knew she was on the list of possible running-mates many months before McCain announced her; but I pretty much wrote her off because I knew she had just given birth to a fifth child, and I figured she would be taken out of contention just for that reason. This is why I was so thrilled with the selection - because a working mom with young kids was not denied an opportunity on that basis. Sure, I agree with her conservative viewpoints too. I like the role she’s played in the campaign, and I feel she’s as qualified as Obama to be president. I’m not voting for her “because” she’s a working mom; but the viable candidacy of a working mom is important to me.
SKL | October 22nd, 2008 at 6:08 pm
I appreciate this thoughtful blog post, but in my world, what I’m hearing/reading is truly discussion of Sarah Palin’s credentials (or lack thereof), platform, values, and political experience, not debate over her role as a mom. Maybe I’m reading different articles and columns than others, or talking to different folks, but I don’t see the divide over Sarah Palin as being about her mothering life but about what she would bring to the country as V.P. This is heartening to me, because I agree that what we should be attending to is her politics, not her mothering life!
Shannon | October 23rd, 2008 at 9:39 am
When Palin was announced as VP and I delved into the backgound material, the more disappointed I became with the GOP. I dearly would love to see a woman in the WH and had hoped that it might have been Hillary. When that didn’t materialize, I knew the old guard had to come up with something groundbreaking cause the Dems already had 1 side of history on their end. I had REALLY hoped that, regardless of marital status, maternal status, etc, that qualifications would win out.
I was wrong.
I was banging my head against the wall trying to reason WHY in God’s green earth didn’t the GOP look to someone with QUALIFICATIONS? Did Liz Dole turn them down? Did other better and more qualified GOP women turn them down and it came down to her? Lord only knows. I don’t CARE if she’s black, white, pink, or purple dotted. I DON’T CARE. What I DO care about is can she do the job if POTUS drops dead. And the more I saw and read, the more I realized that the answer was NO and that the GOP was simply pandering to the extremists.
I’m not dumb and I’m not stupid. I refuse to be talked down to because I’m female. Try it and regret it.
I don’t care if she’s a mom. Yes, I think that a lot has been critical of her because of that. Exuse me, but if you’re NOT willing to say/do/act the same toward a guy who’s married and got kids and running for 1 of the highest offices in the land, then you’re a friggin’ hypocrite and idiot, imho. I don’t see the media critizing Biden for going back and forth from Deleware to DC after his wife and daughter were killed cause he refused to move the family to DC. BUT we critize her because of her famiily.
Nice going, people. You can’t have it both ways, you know. I don’t care that she’s a mom. I simply don’t think she’s qualified for the VPOTUS. Period.
Jane | October 23rd, 2008 at 5:06 pm
First off, can I just say that all of you ROCK? I love that women are making themselves heard in this process.
@Brenda: Like it or not and Rachel Maddow notwithstanding, it tends to be the men who are more listened-to when it comes to politics. This is changing, but slowly. I still get my head patted on occasion. So as I see it, if men are still talking about Sarah Palin’s qualifications as a mom, that’s about 50% of the population and still worth talking about.
@SKL: Thanks for adding your viewpoint; most of the women I talk to are Obama supporters and I’ve been unable to yet get a handle on what McCain supporters like yourself are thinking, so this helps me a great deal. We’re all in this together as a country, and it’s important to me to understand, as much as I am able, the thoughts and values of all of us. Thanks!
@Shannon: Yes, and it’s the discussion I’d prefer to have, too! But I do feel that a new attention has been placed on the working-mom issue that wasn’t there before Sarah Palin. It’ll be interesting to see how all this plays out in terms of our changing social awareness.
@Jane: I’m supporting Obama this time, but I’ve been on both sides of the fence in the past. Liz Dole or someone like her would have changed the game quite a lot, in my opinion. Great comment, and thanks!
Karen Murphy | October 23rd, 2008 at 6:40 pm
There are so many issues with Palin and none of them are because women are fighting over who the better mom is and the double standard with men and women. I know a stay at home dad who is a better parent then most, he loves to be home and his wife is a high power lawyer and she loves her job. The parental issue with Palin whether she is running for Vice President or not is that she does not want to be the parent and neither does her husband. You don’t preach about family and raising kids then leave them to fend for themselves. Women who have five (who knows if they are done) kids and neither parent is interested in being there for them are nothing to look up to. That being said, I believe women have the right to be anything they want just as men do. BUT when you bring a child into the situation both parents have to determine how they will be raised and sometimes sacrafices have to made. Finally, Palin is no more qualified to be president then I am. I was no fan of Hilary (though I would love to vote a women into office) but at least she was qualified. Palin has showed on so many occasions that she does not even know what the VP does. Palin not being qualified has nothing to do with her parenting…although I think she could put a bit more effort into that role. She is just not qualified.
Good Luck!
Lisa Szabo | October 27th, 2008 at 12:50 am