Parenting Without a Manual
with Talyaa Liera
I'm Talyaa, the poster child for the concept that there's no one right way to be a parent. I went from stay-at-home attachment-parenting mom of four to being the non-custodial parent, working as a professional writer and channel-psychic. Let's talk about throwing away the parenting manual and exploding the myths and mystique of motherhood!
Check out my personal blog at Juxtapositioning.
There are two basic types of parents: those whose kids eat junk food and those whose kids don’t. With the proliferation of processed, colorful, and highly-marketed snacks and other “food” items aimed straight for kids these days, junk food is almost unavoidable. Or is it? There’s a debate being waged between the parents who think a little—or a lot—of junk is okay and those who police their kids’ lunchboxes with zeal.
Which are you?
Parents who feel a little junk is okay point to the fervor, zeal, and extremes by which Food Nazi Parents keep processed and unhealthy foods away from their kids. They say that you can go too far with the health bit, and that denying kids sugar and other junk now only creates overboard junk addicts later on after the apron strings are finally released.
On the other hand, the obesity epidemic is getting out of hand—16% of U.S kids are now labeled as obese, and it’s a growing problem. Kids who eat whole foods and get fresh air and exercise are more likely to be healthy and develop healthy habits that stay with them later in life. Giving kids healthy choices is great, but does it stunt their ability to make good choices later on?
Most of us would probably say that the middle ground is best—give kids an array of mostly healthy choices but don’t begrudge them the occasional chocolate bar or bowl of Froot Loops. But I’m going to go out on a limb here and suggest that the Food Nazis have the right idea. Without some support in the extreme, how else are we parents going to send a message to manufacturers of this junk unless we do so with our dollars? The less junk we buy, the less is—eventually—manufactured and marketed. And when we use our dollar power to buy healthy, whole foods we support the farmers who grow it and the local economy. Who do you want to support: your local farmer’s-market faces or some faceless megalomanufacturer?
And the less junk that’s out there, taunting us and our kids with its siren call, the better all around for all of us. Right?
But do you think this is just one more step in a safety culture that’s gone too far? Do Food Nazis make you cringe with their high-holy attitudes? What steps do you take to teach your kids about living healthily?
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Well, since I am not willing to give up my occasional chocolate bar, it would be highly hypocritical of me to become the Food Nazi about what my daughter eats. We follow an 80/20 rule. 80% of our food must be healthful and non-processed. The other 20% is oh-crap-I-don’t-have-time-to-cook-dinner-tonight-before-we-leave-for-(fillintheblank)-so-we’re-picking-up-a-pizza. And my chocolate, of course.
Robyn | January 14th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
Hubs and I share the philosophy of “everything in moderation.” Does this mean we let our son eat junk food all the time? No. Does it mean we’re terrible because we have used M&Ms as motivation for potty training? Absolutely not! Did we splurge a little too much and let our little one splurge with us over the holidays? Probably. But that’s life, I say.
I tend to be very turned off by extremism in any form. I have a sister-in-law who is a “food nazi” and went so far as telling her kids that sugar is of the devil and they would die if they eat it. A little too coo-coo for me… But to each his or her own. At least I don’t have to foot the bill for the therapy her kids will need later on in life for eating disorders.
Stacey | January 14th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
I agree with the two previous comments, although I feel guilty when I see the greasy cheese on our pizza that’ll clogg up the tiny arteries of my precious children… oh, well. Anyway, we’re trying to pay attention to what we eat and not mindlessly go for just anything that tastes yummy but is bad for you. The other thing I’m trying to pay more attention to is packaging. I’m not buying the 100 calories packs because I just cringe when I see all the extra packaging. What’s so bad about putting some goldfish in a reusable container instead of going for the overly packaged items.
Martina | January 14th, 2009 at 8:18 pm
I err on the side of food nazi. Normally we don’t snack around here. No juice either. The girls are 2, so how are they to even know what they are missing? I do let them enjoy pretty much everything on special occasions, but my definition of “special occasion” doesn’t include every time an auntie is around. My goal is to get them to think of good stuff like veggies, fruits, and whole grains as “comfort foods,” and to generally develop good lifelong habits.
It is really hard to maintain the diet I want for my kids, when we are surrounded by well-meaning adults who think my children are “deprived” by not being given sweets and other indulgences on a daily basis. They slip them treats and then I feel like I need to cut back on the good stuff I wanted to give them (one of my daughters tends to be heavy). I find myself having far too many “discussions” around the kids’ eating, and they are now old enough to understand and be affected by these discussions. I sure don’t want to model obsessiveness about food; I have tried many times to explain my concerns outside the girls’ hearing; but somehow it’s not getting through to certain people.
I know that most kids can eat a little junk food now and then with no ill effects, and for them, it’s fine to include junk food as a small part of their regular diet. In my home, experience has taught me that a relaxed attitude toward eating will lead to significant weight struggles, and nobody wants that for her child.
SKL | January 15th, 2009 at 1:57 am
My step-daughter is a little on the heavy side and she is also tall for her age which makes her just seem that much bigger than all the other kids. We basically let her make her food choices, but try to keep mostly healthy food around.
We mostly go with the idea of everything in moderation idea. I keep a list of available healthy snack options on the fridge so that she doesn’t just immediately go for the easiest most convenient thing which may not be healthy. And she likes the healthy options, she just doesn’t always remember that they are there.
Jenni | January 15th, 2009 at 10:58 am
I am definitely for the moderation. I like the occasional chocolate bar, and I try to monitor my diet as well. My kids eat the stuff that’s good for them, but they also get some junk every once in a while. I think the obesity epidemic could also possibly be caused by little physical activity as well. We are an active family, so it helps the kids to keep off those pounds.
If we don’t create a health sense now, it will be harder for them later in life to make the adjustment when the doctor tells them they have to or they will die soon.
Karen | January 15th, 2009 at 4:34 pm
I believe in moderation and agree that I can’t be a hypocrite. My daughter is only almost 2, so I am trying not to introduce too much. At home we do whole wheat breads and whole grain cereals, etc. I don’t give her many sweets, she thinks saltines and graham crackers are ‘cookies’. I don’t have any restrictions with what she gets at daycare though.
While I do believe in ‘every thing in moderation’ I have seen how good ‘policing’ at an early age can really make an impact. My brother in law is super healthy - he will almost always choose frutis and veggies over sweets and chips. That was how he was brought up. I hope I can teach my daughter just a little of this.
Stacey S | January 15th, 2009 at 5:59 pm
I am guilty. Simply because I am totally into junk food myself. I am a desert maniac! I think as long as we stress the importance of getting the kids out and exercising, junk food in moderation is fine. I think the biggest issue we have as a society right now with childhood obesity and any obesity for that matter is the fact that we are lazy. Too many kids are set in front of a TV, computer, or internet in place of a babysitter. We need to have parents interact with the kids.. We need to get out there and play catch, fly a kite, or take a hike with our kids.
virtualmom | January 25th, 2009 at 10:02 pm
When I was a child, my Father used to get me chocolate bars upon chocolate bars. My mother would always scold him for it but truth be told I think it was one of the best things. I am on the skinny side of a normal weight, and if I eat chocolate I’ll eat about two squares. I was definitely one of those people who got it all out of their system when they were young. My best friend on the other hand, was not so lucky. Her parents absolutely restricted her and now she can’t help but indulge whenever it’s in front of her, and she’s a very reasonable girl with a lot of will-power. Now she struggles with her weight. I’m not saying this always happens or suggesting to do it, but in all the cases I know of it’s been the same. I wouldn’t go as far as my Father did, but I definitely believe in “everything in moderation” and so does my doctor so that’s that.
Molly | December 8th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
i think you shoul only let kids eat junk fud only on sat fri and sun only because tose days r days off tim to relax tel mi if you hav nevr let yur kids eat junk food and i know there is more than one out ther in the world …………………………………………………………………………………………………..
…………….come on………………………………confess…………………………………………………….just be onest wit your self
onai | May 12th, 2010 at 2:10 pm