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Parenting Without a Manual

with Karen Murphy

I'm Karen, the poster child for the concept that there's no one right way to be a parent. I went from stay-at-home attachment-parenting mom of four to being the non-custodial parent, working as a professional writer and channel-psychic. Let's talk about throwing away the parenting manual and exploding the myths and mystique of motherhood!

Check out Karen's Work It, Mom! profile and read her blog, Juxtapositioning.

Would you change careers to be a better mother?

Categories: Mommy Angst

7 comments

It goes without saying that it’s a challenge to work and be a mother — after all, that’s the focus of Work It, Mom. And hey, parenthood in general is challenging, work-life balance notwithstanding.

I ran across Divine Caroline’s list of the best careers for moms (I’ll list them in a moment) and was intrigued. Sure, the list is from last year, actually, but it stands the test of time. These careers make sense with parenthood. They can be rewarding, both financially and emotionally, and even more importantly, they allow for flexibility. Anyone who’s had to dash out of a meeting to pick up a sick kid from school after a call from the nurse appreciates flexibility.

But … what if your cup of work tea is something else? Most of us don’t choose college majors and then the resulting careers based on what we think might later fit in with future children. (And why should we? Can we move to a society where work life and family life can both be a priority?) The careers on this list are, for the most part, undeniably easier to fit in with a family. Would you switch to one of them, or one like them, to bring more balance to your life?

Here’s the list:

1. Writer. Hah. I like that. It’s where I went after 10 years as a stay-at-home mom. Sure, my kids now think there’s a laptop permanently glued to my lap, one finger raised to my lips shushing them while I type with the other hand, but it does fit the flexibility bill. You can write during naps, while the Backyardigans are on, or after bedtime. And kids are great inspiration for all kinds of writing.

2. Teacher. The school-day hours tend to sort of concide with those of your kids, and you sort of mostly get summers off. I liked that my mom was a teacher (until I had her in 4th grade, not recommended). Teachers in private schools and colleges often get substantial tuition breaks for their kids, another plus.

3. Jobs where you work by appointment. Like career coach, nutritionist, financial planner, photographer, hair stylist, and personal trainer. You set your hours, which means you can (often) work around things like school days, dentist appointments, and sick kids.

4. Client services work. Like lawyers, accountants, and bookkeepers. The rub here is that you’d have to sharply define boundaries (no 100-billable-hour weeks for you), perhaps working only three or four days a week or shorter hours per day, and accepting fewer clients than a full load, which of course assumes you can afford to do so.

5. Healthcare jobs. Like the client services jobs, here you’d simply accept fewer shifts if working as a nurse or other similar hospital-type job to make it work with parenthood. Healthcare jobs are still in high demand which means you’d likely be successful in naming your hours. Problems? Healthcare shifts tend to be long ones, which means you’re wrangling child care for those 12-hour shifts, and like the client services job suggestion you’d have to be able to budget for working less than a fulltime load.

6. Sales jobs. This one is also a juggling act, but often you can make it work with jobs like financial sales or executive recruiting where you’re setting your own appointments and creating your own schedule.

Careers they missed include artist and caterer. Can you think of any others?

What about you? Would you switch to make things work better for your family? What accommodations have you already made? If you were starting over career-wise today, would you choose differently, knowing what you know now about the dance between work and parenthood?

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7 comments so far...

  • The only one of those I think I’d consider is teacher. Because it comes with the needed benefits without the strange hours. I can’t see trying to do part-time law without a spouse and most of the work for yourself don’t come with benefits.
    What is funny is that I actually did pick this career field with the thought that there were lots of part-time jobs for when I was a mom; I just didn’t plan for being a solo mom. Luckily there are non-part time jobs in my field as well; it just doesn’t offer the flexibility I crave.

    Mich  |  July 29th, 2009 at 12:16 pm

  • Hmm. I did switch careers to be a better mom. I am still in the same category in your list, though. Client services work. It is a very heavy job and I don’t believe it could really be done part-time, but at least I can do some of the work on a flexible schedule, like while my kids are in bed.

    The comment about no benefits - you can always buy your own benefits package (at least until the dems sabotage our options). That should never be a reason not to go solo, in my opinion.

    For me, the key was to be in a career where I could command a high hourly rate, so if I ever needed to cut my hours, go solo, or join a small business, I could still feed the kids. I didn’t really plan it that way, but it does make for some flexibility.

    SKL  |  July 29th, 2009 at 7:30 pm

  • The only job listed that I would like to do (and actually get paid for) is writer. But, that had been my dream since early childhood - a dream as yet fulfilled. Admittedly, it’s not really a goal I’m working toward, so it shall probably remain - a dream unfulfilled.

    Otherwise, I wouldn’t leave my career field for any of the others listed or, for that matter, for any other job not listed! Emergency Management is what I know, what I am good at and what I do. Period. It’s stressful, it can involve 48-hour days more often than I’d like and it can even be traumatic - but it’s got “Me” written all over it. And frankly, I have great working hours on non-response days; a boss who’s so flexible and understanding when it come to family matters (he’s our daughter’s godfather!) and a good location to home, I don’t see why I should change.

    Phe  |  July 30th, 2009 at 7:26 am

  • I have thought about being a teacher too, mainly because you get summer off when schools are out ;-) And I love teaching my daughters, so might be good with others too! However my current career does ok for me being a mom, so I am happy! May be later I might switch!

    Lakshmi  |  July 30th, 2009 at 8:17 am

  • I chose to be a teacher because I love teaching. (No one should pursue teaching as a career for any other reason than love of teaching or else they WILL hate it.) It’s coincidental that it happens to be a family-friendly career. Right now I teach high school, but I plan on pursuing a Ph.D. sometime in the next 5 years so that I can teach at the university level, which may or may not offer more flexibility family-wise, depending.

    I used to think I would be a lawyer, and I still think I would both love it and be a good one. But, my life didn’t take that turn. It honestly didn’t have anything to do with having children, though. If I were starting over, I don’t really think I would do anything differently career-wise. If, on the other hand, I had an extremely demanding career, I would certainly consider adjusting some part of it in order to allow more time for parenting. I think every parent should at least consider that.

    Robyn  |  July 30th, 2009 at 9:19 am

  • Oh, and I don’t get summers off.

    Robyn  |  July 30th, 2009 at 9:20 am

  • The answer to your question, for me, is most definately. I didn’t realize how difficult going back to my 9-5 office job would be until after my daughter was born. My ultimate goal would be to just be a stay at home Mom, but our finances simply will not allow for that. So my husband and I made the decision that, if it was feasible, I would start building up a freelance career so that I could eventually quit my office job and be a work at home Mom. I started doing some freelance writing through oDesk (an outsourcing website) and have steadily increased my clientele and workload as I’ve gone along.

    I estimate that I’m a little less than a year away from reaching my goal, and it feels fantastic.

    I never thought I’d consider changing careers and taking the plunge into the world of freelancing, but since I’ve become a Mom, my priorities have shifted drastically. Now there’s nothing I wouldn’t do if it meant more time with my little one.

    Becca  |  August 2nd, 2009 at 11:02 am

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