I think a key is where the motivation to compete is coming from. I believe that adult-imposed competition can be detrimental. Sometimes I’m tempted to say “look, your younger sister can do it, try harder.” Or, “Let’s see who can build the highest tower.” (They are almost the same age.) But if they come up with the idea on their own, it doesn’t seem so bad. That is like you said - kids naturally trying to find their own place in a group. I’d place in that category light-hearted, voluntary, age-appropriate kid sports. I also like kid sports for the opportunity to compete on behalf of a team rather than just out of self-interest. But my personal experience with kid sports sucked because the coach couldn’t have cared less about anyone’s feelings. So parents need to observe and possibly take action if the coach or too many of the parents take the wrong attitude.

Notwithstanding the “healthiness” of competition, it is still important to intervene if a child seems to be going overboard at the expense of another important character trait. For example, the various elements of good sportsmanship, compassion, and taking care of higher-priority responsibilities. I think some parents are so high on their kids’ competitive successes that they are reluctant to pull them out and make them focus on something else that they have neglected. To me, I’d rather my kid lose a medal than think she can intentionally hurt someone (physically or emotionally) and get away with it. While being highly competitive can help one get ahead faster in life, the ends don’t justify the means. I feel it’s important to do the right thing at each stage of the game. I believe that ill-gotten gains are not real gains. So that will affect my tolerance for “competitive” behavior in my house.

Competition in children is a good thing as long as you and your kids have a sense of humor about it. If one or more child ends up crying because of the competition, several discussions about competition with all your children would be a good idea.

I think that competition is very healthy for children. They will never strive to do their best if they do not care to compete. Of course, they should be competing in something that is fun for them and they should not be competing in terms of keeping up with the Joneses, as mentioned earlier. So, yes, there has to be a level that is okay and that is not. I think that some people were raised too competetively and this is where their desire to raise their kids with non comes from.

I was raised that you should always do your best at everything that you do and if you dont win, the important part was that you did your best and will keep trying. I was in many different types of competitions as a child and loved it. Some I won, some I didn’t, but my parents always clapped and cheered and told me what a great job I did, no matter what the outcome. This has come to serve me well in life as no matter what hand I have been dealt, I always bust my hump until I come out on top. Life is hard and people are thrown a lof of crap and if you do not have the will to fight and keep trying - which I believe comes from a competetive spirit - you may not come out stronger and better than before, just beat up.