Parenting Without a Manual
with Talyaa Liera
I'm Talyaa, the poster child for the concept that there's no one right way to be a parent. I went from stay-at-home attachment-parenting mom of four to being the non-custodial parent, working as a professional writer and channel-psychic. Let's talk about throwing away the parenting manual and exploding the myths and mystique of motherhood!
Check out my personal blog at Juxtapositioning.
What a relief. We can give up our working-mom guilt hats once and for all now and get on with our lives. How do I know this? A new study, of course. Not because I base all my parenting decisions on studies (what? don’t you?), but because, well, because. I’m the mom and I said so.
Apparently, working moms “don’t damage” their kids by working. Well then! Let’s break out the party hats! And! Working moms are less crazy! How do I know this? Because I’m the mom. And I said so.
But there is something to be examined here. The fact that a) mothers have been working outside the home for a LONG TIME NOW and that b) this is the first grudging acknowledgment that it might actually be a GOOD thing — for the whole family — is worth celebrating. Even if it’s sort of lame because this isn’t really news to people who have been living it. But honestly, do you turn down a Cake Occasion when one slaps you in the face like the side of a wet fish?
Why is this a good thing? Because it’s about time working moms had some social support. It’s about time that we acknowledge the cold reality that for many moms, work gives a much-needed adult outlet, provides them with a sense of fulfillment, and adds greatly to the family income (which in turn often allows for better child care and extracurricular activities). Oh, and also that it’s nobody’s business who works and who doesn’t.
The Columbia University study tracked the development and family characteristics of over 1,000 children aged up to seven from 10 different parts of the US. It examined a host of factors that influence happiness, like family relationships and household income, children’s vocabulary, reading ability and academic test scores, and children’s behavior based on the ratings of teachers and parents. And found that moms were happier and that the children were just fine. More than fine, even. Kids who did best had moms who worked part-time — best of both worlds? These findings were in stark contrast to previous studies that suggested kids were harmed when moms went back to work. Gak. Way to add to the social pressure guilt thing!
Now, can the People Who Study Things please leave families alone to make their own choices?
Do you think that the tide is turning on the working-mom guilt trip thing?
Subscribe to blog via RSS
I think anyone who has a connection with her kid is best qualified to say whether she’s thriving or not, and whether things would be better or worse with a SAHM vs. working mom.
I think there are some cases where SAHM is the right answer for the family. My situation, at least right now, isn’t an example of that. My kids are doing awesome and I think it’s partly because they DON’T have to spend all day with me at this point in their lives. This is not to say the same would be true of anyone else.
I’m a little uncomfortable with this study (or, the way it’s being reported) because it seems to imply that working moms have “better” kids than SAHMs, which is just the other side of the same coin.
I wish we could just acknowledge that the family is the unit that should be deciding these things because the family is the only unit that is really qualified to do so. There are too many variables in human development to make any judgments without being in the thick of things. And that’s why families exist. It’s natural and it’s right. So let’s all work to avoid the temptation to look for “proof” that what we’re doing is better than what another parent is doing. Because that’s where all that crap gets started.
SKL | August 4th, 2010 at 8:52 am
SKL- great points, I totally agree! It’s nice to have a study that finally shows that working moms don’t necessarily mean less functional families, and dysfunctional kids. Decisions like who will work and how much should be left up to individual families!
I think a key in raising happy and well-adjusted children is being a happy and well-adjusted adult. For some moms, that means staying at home. For others, it means staying in the workforce. For some moms, that means working from home, or running your own business. Moms (and dads) who are personally fulfilled provide a great example for kids, and naturally have more to give relationally.
Rachel Heath | August 4th, 2010 at 2:24 pm