It’s not like my kids are picky. Well, maybe they are a little, although I’d call it explicit. They know what they want. And I know what I want. But the vacationing world, the one that caters to families? Ugh. It’s a different world entirely.

I thought I’d give my kids a taste of the Pacific Ocean so yesterday we drove from my home in northwest Washington State to the coast. And, as my older son Nathaniel observed, in that four hour drive we somehow entered a portal to the Jersey Shore. We have simple tastes: a clean hotel room, maybe overlooking the ocean, and some good-tasting and healthy food that hasn’t been through a deep-fryer and maybe includes something green. Is that a lot to ask?

Apparently, in the travel world (that caters to families), it is.

Have you noticed this? The kids with me on this trip are 10 and 14, and so are past kid’s-meal age, but they have observed that kid’s meals are plenty big enough for an adult. That’s a lot of fries. What if said kid doesn’t eat hamburger/hot dog/spaghetti and instead wants, I don’t know, a salad? Or broccoli? Fruit? Don’t laugh, it happens. Right now we are reeling from a truly awful Chinese-food meal (afterward I was wishing we had gone to McDonald’s instead, it was that bad because I never eat at McDonald’s anymore, and I even sent a meal back), and the conclusion we drew was that the awfulness around here in this touristy spot is due to demand from travelers with low expectations. Ergo, families who travel have bad taste. Apparently we want bad service, bad food, and mediocreness.

I say faugh on that. I’m sure I’m not the only one who wants more from a vacation with my kids.

Again, I’m not that difficult to please. I don’t need a suite at the Four Seasons or a tub filled with caviar and champagne to have a good time. But please don’t throw a plate-full of french fries or a cheap carboholic continental breakfast (Froot Loops, bad coffee, waffles, and muffins = breakfast of champions?) at me and think I’ll go quietly.

No, I think it’s time to go activist about this. Stand up for our rights as parents and as spenders of multiple hard-earned vacation dollars.

Here’s my Family Vacation Bill of Rights:

1. Clean affordable hotel rooms with enough beds for everyone who needs one.

2. Vacation spots free or semi-free from fudge, saltwater taffy, overpriced t-shirt shops and a proliferation of chain restaurants (yes, I am talking to you, Olive Garden, TGI Fridays, Appleby’s, Chili’s, and Red Robin).

3. Local and regional food that tastes good and is well-prepared. After all, we are traveling to experience a new place, not to revisit the same ubiquitous strip mall again and again.

4. Interesting and fun things to do that don’t require the sale of the family’s first-born to raise sufficient cash to pay for the experience.

Who’s with me? What is the state of your family’s vacation?