Parenting Without a Manual
with Talyaa Liera
I'm Talyaa, the poster child for the concept that there's no one right way to be a parent. I went from stay-at-home attachment-parenting mom of four to being the non-custodial parent, working as a professional writer and channel-psychic. Let's talk about throwing away the parenting manual and exploding the myths and mystique of motherhood!
Check out my personal blog at Juxtapositioning.
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It’s time we stopped trying to fix our shy kids. So what if they quietly sit on our laps at Mommy and Me classes? Those kids aren’t detaching from the world or being swallowed up by the floor; they’re being quietly observant, taking in and analyzing the world around them. Not to diss the extroverts happily parading around the room banging on drums, taking tigers by the tail, and generally being Awesome with a capital A, but shy introverted kids are overwhelmingly creative, informed, attentive and empathetic. In short, shy kids rock and it’s time we understood their power to change the world for the better.
I was a shy kid. My kids were shy kids. I understand the shy thing from the inside out. Agreed, it is easy to go from “shy” and “introverted” (read: observant and attentive) to “socially paralyzed”, but that’s the job of us parents: to hold space for, guide, encourage, and love our shy kids so that they become secure in themselves and aware of their unique gifts and perspectives. By accepting our kids for who they are, we can help them accept themselves. By expanding our idea of how people should be — by making room for shy kids as well as drum-bangers — we make room for more individuality, more creativity, and ultimately more evolution as a species.
I’m not advocating that we turn our natural extroverts into introverts. I’m quite okay with the present 80/20 split (80% extroverts, 20% introverts). Extroverts create movement and take action. We need that. As a people we thrive on it. But we also need to love our creative side, our deep internal natures, and our humanity as empathetic beings. That’s the gift our shy kids can give us.
Were you a shy kid? Do you have shy kids? What are the gifts and pitfalls of shyness in your world?
photo: jkingsbeer, SXC
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My mother still reminds me that when I was in preschool I would get my mat and then deliberately place it just outside the circle of kids, there but not fully incorporated. And she fretted that I’d have no friends, that I was upset, etc.
When I was working in child care group settings, I basically became the shy kid “befriender.” Everyone else focused on the whirlwinds of energy that bounded through, I would look for the child lagging back. I would sit just outside the circle with them. And over time they opened up - perhaps they sensed the kindred spirit. I had the patience to go over the pop-up books, with voices for each pop-up, consistently, over and over again.
I however do not have a shy child. I have the whirlwind of energy. The one who is saying “hey, look at me, watch this, pay attention!” to just about anyone who’s near. Whenever I am frustrated, I think “she’s like your sister” who was that same personality.
Mich | July 6th, 2011 at 2:37 pm