Parenting Without a Manual
with Karen Murphy
I'm Karen, the poster child for the concept that there's no one right way to be a parent. I went from stay-at-home attachment-parenting mom of four to being the non-custodial parent, working as a professional writer and channel-psychic. Let's talk about throwing away the parenting manual and exploding the myths and mystique of motherhood!
Check out Karen's Work It, Mom! profile and read her blog, Juxtapositioning.
It just occurred to me that I’m working without a net. And I know I’m not alone.
Years ago, working in a corporate job where I had health care, I developed symptoms of chronic fatigue that eventually morphed from just-been-run-over-by-a-bus to everything-hurts-ow-ow-ow. I kept a bottle of Advil in my desk and napped in my office at lunchtime to get through the day. It was a relief to get married, pregnant, and leave town. I could finally just sleep.
Ahhh.
That was a long time ago. Now my income comes from freelance writing gigs and from my business as a channel (like a psychic only better, I tell people with a smile; like a spiritual counselor, life-changer, and healer). I am very good at what I do, but unless there’s a TV show based on your life (Medium) or you’ve sat on Oprah’s couch (hi Oprah!), for people like me exposure is limited to what you can drum up yourself.
But this isn’t about that.
The fatigue and the ow-ow-ow are coming back. I can still run a couple of miles, I can still bike 45 minutes on my trainer, and I still bow to my daily Jillian Michaels DVD, but I know the signs. What I really want to do is curl up on my couch and watch mind-numbing reruns of “Say Yes to the Dress.” But hey, I have rent to pay and whatnot. Child support. I have to keep pushing.
Do I sound like I’m whining? Okay, so maybe I am a little. But I’m also looking at reality. This is the reality that a lot of people face who live paycheck to paycheck or who don’t have health insurance (this isn’t a health care debate and universal health care wouldn’t solve every problem but does deserve a fist-pump or two if it ever materializes). A lifetime ago I was married, there was a pension, and he said, “We’ll be fine.” I don’t have another person to fall back on now. Me, myself, and I. And I’m fine with that. If worst came to worst I could go a couple of lean years on what I have, which is more than a lot of people can say. And after that I could probably snag a shopping cart from the grocery store down the street and wander around town with my sleeping bag over my shoulder. But meanwhile I’m willing myself to not be sick. Ever.
What about you? Is there a safety net in your life?
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Nope, no safety net. I mean, I’m married, but we struggle to get by on one income while I’m home full-time with 2 small daughters (because that is what we feel is best for them). We have no family nearby, no sources of extra family financial help (i.e. grandparents willing/able to help out), minimal savings, no lucrative career. It’s discouraging and depressing–and scary. I try to focus on what we DO have, but there is no doubt that many of us in the “middle” class (or struggling to get/stay there) would not be “safe” if/when a crisis arose. We’re just regular people working regular, non-prestigious jobs, trying to pay bills and raise a family, but never feeling secure.
Shannon | January 13th, 2010 at 10:02 am
I have a “safety net” at the moment. I built it over about 10 years, by working long hours and pinching every penny to the max for about 25 years (first I had to pay off my debts, including whopping student loans). Theoretically, assuming the communists don’t take it over for the good of the state, it would probably keep me and my kids “alive” until Social Security kicks in (if that doesn’t go bankrupt).
When I was much younger and living on the edge for over a decade, my safety net was the friends and family relationships that I had built over the years. I believed that if I ever had to go a-begging, there were quite a number of people who would put me up for a very short time, on account of the fact that I’d always been there for them and helped them out in various ways. However, I am very thankful that I never had to actually test the strength of those relationships.
Regarding health care, please look seriously into an HSA combined with a high-deductible individual insurance policy. It really is affordable and cost-effective for most people; not free, but a lot better than leaving it to chance, assuming you have anything to lose. (And if you have nothing to lose, why worry - you can get free care regardless of health reform - though it’s responsible to always pay into the pot if you have a chance to ever need care in excess of your assets.)
Another thing - my mom had those symptoms, and it turned out to be colon cancer. Have you scheduled your colonoscopy? (But you might want to wait until you sign up for your health insurance, to avoid the pre-existing condition stuff.)
SKL | January 13th, 2010 at 4:53 pm