By Jen Wilson of Hey Mrs. Wilson

Bullying is a topic that is near and dear to my heart. I can safely say that I hate it. I was bullied mercilessly as a child and therefore know first-hand how damaging it can be. I was never physically hurt, but I think that if I was, those wounds would have healed faster than the emotional ones. I was a nerdy kid. I wasn’t at the top of my class, nose stuck in the books, but I wore mismatched sweat suits, I had glasses, and I hadn’t a clue about social norms.

One memory that sticks out in my head is of two girls chasing me into the church nursery yelling repeatedly, “Split ends! Split ends! You have split ends!” I remember begging for a hair cut after that. I also remember being even more self-conscious than I already was. In Jr. High, one of my “best friends” would constantly pick at any imperfection she could find. Her favorite one was my crooked chicken legs. She loved to make herself feel better by making me feel horrible about myself. I also had a habit of moistening my lips, and was teased so mercilessly by the girls on the basketball team that I eventually quit the team, telling my disappointed coach that I really just didn’t like basketball all that much.

I know that bullying comes at any age, but I’m going to target the elementary-school-aged kids, as that’s where my oldest child is, and that’s where I can remember being bullied the most. I know that every child and every situation is different, but here are five things that I am doing with my child to help her deal with bullies and/or bullying experiences.

-I talk to her. Whether she’s told me about an incident or if I suspect that she’s being bullied (ie. if she’s scared to go to school), I try to find out exactly what has happened. I tell her that I love her and that she can tell me anything without fear of judgment or ridicule.

-I ask her if she’d like me to talk to her teacher or if she’d like to deal with it on her own. I remember hating it when my mom would interfere when I didn’t want her to, as sometimes that just made it worse. But, once in a while, when it got really bad, it was nice to have some help and support.

-I suggest that she find another group of friends to play with. Or, I suggest that she try find a child who is playing by themselves or one that maybe doesn’t have many friends.

-I tell her to, as much as possible, try to avoid situations where she may encounter the bully. If the bully sits in front/behind her in class, ask to get moved to a different seat. Or, if the bully is usually in one area of the playground, avoid that area.

-I follow up with her to see if the problem is getting better or worse. If it is getting worse, I tell her that it might be a good idea to involve her teacher or principal so that it can stop.

I know that there is no way to protect my child from ever being bullied, but it’s my hope that she will learn from the times that she is bullied and that they will mold her into a stronger, more empathetic human being.