There are many reasons to cloth diaper a baby. There’s the environmental impact and the feeling of soft cotton against your baby’s skin. Cloth diapers will make it easier for your baby to feel wet and might facilitate easier toilet training. Or maybe you have a deep, subconscious yearning to fold squares of cloth just so, fostered by years of setting napkins out in fine dining restaurants. Ahem. But I digress.

But the number one reason for cloth diapering a baby is … drumroll … to save money. This isn’t entirely a given, however. Cloth diaper companies, no matter how what their eco cred, are out to make a profit and it’s easy to spend more on cloth diapers than you would have on disposables. I’ve seen estimates on the cost of using disposable diapers that are way out of line with what people actually spend. I can promise you I didn’t spend $3000 diapering my second kid — not even close. Using generic brand diapers and keeping an eye on sales, most people can get away with spending no more than $30 a month on disposables. That’s $1080 over three years. That’s the number you have to keep in mind when you’re purchasing cloth diapers.

Here’s how to get away with spending way, way less than that:

1. Look for hand-me-downs: Someone you know may be more than happy to give you some of their old cloth-diapering stash or to let you use some diapers while they’re between babies. I was loaned a few wrap-style covers six years ago when my first baby was born and am using them now for the third time. (I swear I’m giving them back!)
2. Buy used: I know this sounds gross at first, but guess what? As soon as your baby pees and poos in a diaper, it’s used anyway. They are designed to be washed thoroughly, sanitized and to last for a long time. Barely-used diapers are very easy to find, too.
3. Flats and prefolds are your friends: There are all manner of fancy fitted and all-in-one diapers on the market, and if you get some handed down or find some used ones cheap, that’s great. But prefolds are easily folded or pinned into any cover, clean better, last longer and cost less. Old fashioned flats (like the kind your grandmother would have used) are even cheaper. With a bit of practice they can be folded in various ways (Google it!) or doubled up to fit any age baby almost as well as any fitted. They’re thin enough to line dry quickly and only take ten minutes in the dryer. I love them.
4. Don’t try to buy three years worth at once: All of those barely-used cloth diapers on Craigslist and Kijiji? They’re there because cloth diapering doesn’t work for everyone. Or maybe it only worked for a few months. Or maybe they had more than they needed or they didn’t like those particular diapers. Start with the basics and go from there. You can always buy more if and when you need them.
5. You don’t need as many as you think: I’m personally rocking a meager two dozen diapers right now with five PUL covers (and a stash of larger covers and prefolds to dip into if I run out). This means I do a load of diapers every two or three days. It also means I do a load of something else while I’m at it and I’ve never been more caught up on the laundry! It takes no time to dry and fold my diapers and they never get too gross waiting to get laundered. You may want to be able to go a couple more days in between washing and that’s fine. But you don’t need to.

Do you have any cloth diapering tips?

Back when I was on maternity leave, and then working from home, getting good (and good for you) meals on the table was pretty simple. I was here at some point in the day, if not all day long, so I had time to prepare and cooks meals, and even dash to the grocery store for any last-minute ingredients. Now that I am working outside of the house full-time, as is my husband, we had to overhaul our meal-planning strategy.

1. Plan out your meals for the week. I sit down on the weekend, map out the meals, and do a big grocery shop. The meal plan is written on a chalkboard in our kitchen so that everyone knows the plan, and I stop at the grocery store mid-week to stock up on milk, fruit and vegetables.

2. Invest in/use your slow cooker. There’s nothing quite as simple as walking in the door after a long day of work, only to have to set the table and dish out the stew/chili/roast/soup/lasagna/whatever you fancy.

3. Learn how to pre-program your oven. We will use this for casserole, or if my husband comes home for lunch he’ll set it for a roasting chicken.

4. Prep as much as you can on the weekend or the night before. Marinating meats for the barbecue in large batches and then freezing them for future use is a great help. Or marinate them the night before and refrigerate them until you get home. Washing and chopping up vegetables in advance not only makes dinner prep faster, it keeps healthy snacks in check.

5. Take a night off with no guilt. Whether it’s a planned weekly night of pizza, or you’ve had a particularly rough day at work, treating yourself to take-out, healthy or not, can do wonders to recharge your batteries.

Do you have any tips for getting a decent dinner on the table during the week?

So you finally got that big freelance gig you’ve been searching for? The first contract work that gives you a chance to start your business, work for yourself, even quit your day job? You’ve spent weeks, months, maybe years putting all of your effort into finding a paying client. Now, you have to spend that same effort, or more, on keeping that client.

I’ve been doing contract work for almost seven years now, and in that time I’ve learned a few things about making clients happy. Happy clients mean more work coming your way, and we all want that! Not only will they keep giving you new assignments but also, continuously working with them will build your reputation in your field so other clients will notice you and, hopefully, hire you.

Here are a few tips to help you build your business, and stay in business.

Meet your deadlines.

This is a big one; never, ever, miss a deadline. Remember, there is always someone on the other end who is waiting for your work to come in so they can do their part. If you are late, then they have to scramble. It might not be someone who does the hiring, but they can still bad mouth you to the boss. I make a point to submit my work early and my clients are always thrilled to have the extra time. When I schedule my deadlines on my calendar, I just bump them up by a day. It’s not easy get on an early schedule, but once you’re there it’s not hard to keep to it.

Get organized and keep records of everything you do.

Whether you have a big paper trail, or work solely on the computer, be sure you can put your hands on any file at any time. This goes for current projects as well as old. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had a client say something to the effect of; “Hey remember that project we did 2 years ago, do you know the email address for that photographer we used?” Yep, because I have a dedicated external hard drive that I save everything work related on and can access immediately.

Be available during business hours if at all possible and respond to emails quickly.

We all know many of us are freelancing so we can be home with our kids and that means school pickups, doctor’s appointments, and all of those other things that keep us running. Be mindful though, our clients are often in the office from 8-5 everyday and expect you to be around when they need a question answered quickly. If you respond to queries super fast most of the time, they’ll give you a pass on the few occasions you have to deal with your kid’s ear infection or parent teacher conferences first.

Have the necessary equipment it takes to get the job done right.

That might mean just a laptop and high speed Internet. Or you might be like me and need the works: photocopier, fax machine, (yes some people still use them!) and filing cabinets. If you’re using your cell phone for all of your work calls, ask your friends how well you sound. If it’s not great, well, get a landline. There’s nothing worse for your reputation than being that person on the conference call with the crackly, cutting out cell phone.

Last, but absolutely not least, be an expert.

You’re marketing yourself as qualified and experienced, and they will expect no less. If you get into project and realize you don’t know enough about what you are working on, you need to figure it out, and fast. You’ve been hired to do a job they either don’t have time or knowledge to do themselves. I recently photo edited a book about rocks and minerals, a subject I knew nothing about. I did tons of research to make sure the geologist author would not find any fault with the photos I submitted. That meant a little more time spent on the project, but the payoff was huge when he commended my work on a call with all of the team members, including those who make hiring decisions.

The main point this comes down to is be respectful of your clients, of their time, and their money. Do the best job you can and they will take notice. Creating your own business from scratch isn’t always easy, and getting enough work to sustain it can take some time, but it really can be done and it’s totally worth it.

Do you have any advice for your fellow freelancers?

A friend of mine posted a picture of a quote awhile back that sums it up wonderfully: “A perfect parent is a person with excellent child rearing theories, and no actual children.” True story, right? Whether you have 1, 2 or 25 kids, you know that the perfect parent doesn’t exist. She is the myth that keeps mothers up at night, leaves fathers feeling inadequate and is the thing that sells millions and millions of parenting books each year.

At least, the universal “Perfect Parent” for every kid doesn’t exist. There is however there is a “Perfect Parent” for your kids, and I think you’re going to find (if you don’t already know it), that it’s you!

1. The Perfect Parent loves her children. Period. The perfect parent loves her kids whether they are snuggling on the couch or wailing in time out, when she’s laughing with them and when she’s crying over them, when they’re cleaning their toys and when she’s silently counting down the minutes till bedtime. You don’t have to always like their behavior to love them. It doesn’t have to be all Mary Poppins every moment of the day because you love them, you know you do. And so do they! It’s in your hugs and kisses, in bedtime stories and clean laundry. It’s in time outs and “eat your dinners!” Loving your kids is the easiest and sometimes the hardest part of this job called parenting, but it never changes, and it won’t ever go away.

2. The Perfect Parent knows all about broccoli, spinach, spiderman or Dora. She knows the things that make her kids tick and those that don’t. She remembers that kid #1 LOVES to eat her hotdog with plain bun and ketchup to dip it in, while kid #2 needs a puddle of Ranch dressing for the dipping of everything. She knows that Spiderman is also Peter Parker and that Boots is a monkey, not just footwear. She knows the things that matter, the ones that don’t and everything in between. It’s in that remembering that her children feel loved, they feel important and they feel respected.

3. The Perfect Parent lets her kids see her fall. If you’ve ever shouted over spilled milk, locked yourself in the bathroom just to breath (or pee alone!) or said something you regret you’ve just given your children a gift. It’s in your imperfection (and often the time it takes to apologize to them later about it – which I believe is KEY) that they see the real. They see that it’s ok to make mistakes, because even mommies make mistakes. Kids spend a good majority of their childhood making mistakes and learning from them, sometimes it makes them feel like failures. But when they see you fall and get back up again, they have hope. They see that mistakes are forgiven and that the world didn’t end, and maybe that means they’re not failures after all. Maybe that means they’re “perfect” too! dinner or staying up past bedtime, the perfect parent trades in the rules for fun once in a while. Sometimes it’s in those broken or forgotten rules that we make the biggest memories, teach the deepest lessons and a laugh till we cry. It’s also when we find the good after a long hard day and where WE find the strength to face whatever tomorrow’s going to bring.

4. The Perfect Parent sometimes forgets the rules. Whether it’s ice cream for dinner or staying up past bedtime, the perfect parent trades in the rules for fun once in a while. Sometimes it’s in those broken or forgotten rules that we make the biggest memories, teach the deepest lessons and a laugh till we cry. It’s also when we find the good after a long hard day and where WE find the strength to face whatever tomorrow’s going to bring.

5. The Perfect Parent knows that she’s got no idea what she’s doing. But she gets up each and every day to do her best. She’ll tell you that she’s winging this parenting gig, she has no secrets or magic keys, she fails more than she succeeds some days and she aches to do better. But she’ll also tell you her children are happy, they are loved, they are cherished, they are safe and they are hers. She’ll tell you that no matter what you see on TV, or read in a magazine, or find on the internet, nobody has all the answers. Then she’ll tell you that, that’s ok. She doesn’t need all the answers, she just needs her kids, she needs their hugs and their love, their kisses and their giggles, their smelly farts and their “Buy WHY?”s because that’s what makes her the perfect parent, the perfect kids for her.

What makes YOU the “Perfect Parent” for your kids?

My two youngest children began going to school long enough this year to require a lunch. These two are the picky eaters of the family. One lives on air and Pixy Stix, the other would be happy drinking milk all day long. I knew I would have to be a little more creative when making their lunches. I decided that making Bento Box lunches would work perfectly.

There are many reasons why I chose to make Bento lunches but the biggest reasons would be:

They are easy to make. There is something about filling individual compartments that makes it easier for me to cover food groups.

More options for fresh foods. I love the variety of colorful fruits and vegetables that can easily be prepared and used in lunches.

Little, if any, pre-packaged items. This is probably one of my most favorite reasons to begin making Bento lunches.

To begin preparing Bento Box lunches I had to find appropriate containers. I ended up purchasing themed boxes with snap lids. My kids love the movie Totoro so they chose that as their theme, although, most any container will do. Just be sure to pick containers that aren’t too big. My boxes look small, but they can hold a good amount of food. It’s also a good idea to pick a shallow container. Bento lunches work best when there is very little wiggle room between the food in the box.

Now the fun begins. Fill your Bento Box with some yummy food. This is where dividers come in handy. My box has one divider that can be moved from side to side. This is great for splitting the space in half. I then use paper baking cups to divide the spaces further, into fourths. Many people like to use silicone cups, but I prefer using seasonally decorated paper cups. I like the variety of them and, frankly, I just don’t like washing out silicone baking cups. Another “must have” items would be small cookie cutters. I use these two items daily. I prefer to keep my bento simple. I have found that there is a fine line to what the kids will and will not eat. If the food is very intricate and handled a lot to make it more ornamental, they tend to shy away from it. If it’s colorful and easy to eat, I notice a lot less comes back home with them.

Speaking of food that returns home! Another great plus I have found since doing this style of lunch, when they come home with food left in their boxes, I just re-open them and serve as an after school snack. The leftovers are still fresh and the kids seems to appreciate the opportunity to finish the food they ignored earlier.

Other items that you can use:

Egg Molds

Rice Molds

Hot Dog Cutters

Food Picks

Sauce Bottles

All of these can easily be found on the internet. I rarely use them. I did get a bunch of tiny circular bead containers with screw tops to hold ranch dip when I pack carrot sticks.

Here are a few examples of Bento Box lunches.

The basics of each lunch would be a sandwich cut with a cookie cutter, adding a nice variety of sides. I usually use this lunch to get fruit into my kids’ day. They need a little more coaxing with veggies and I can do that at home during dinner. My Kindergartner does really enjoy edamame or carrot sticks so I use those at least once a week. I try to make homemade items for their sweets. Fluffer nutter bites, krispy treats and marbled banana bread has been popular. When I’m out of those items, I will surprise them with a sweet cereal or packaged cookies. I try to avoid these as much as I can, but I’m OK with serving them in small doses. One of my kids leans towards the leaner side so I add nuts to her lunches for a healthy fat choice.

Have fun creating your Bento boxes, but fair warning, I’ve had more than one teacher approach me and ask if I can make their lunches for them too!

Are you a fan of Bento lunches? Do you have any tips?

You know the saying: “It isn’t all about the presents.” The 6-year-old in me would call that a big fat lie and demand that Santa have my Barbie Camper toy under the tree as previously agreed upon.

My mini-me has a rather extreme opinion, but I must admit that the Holidays just wouldn’t be the same without a box to open on Christmas morning. Especially if that box is international in origin. I have family scattered all over the globe, and getting a box of chocolates from my aunt in Seattle or a carved wooden trinket from my godfather in The Philippines is always such a treat.

However, I love giving gifts more. (I really do!) I take great care in choosing the right present for each and every one of my family and friends, and if these special little packages have to be sent overseas, I also take great care in wrapping them up and sending them on their way.

If you too have gifts you’d like to send in time for Christmas, Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa, or even care packages for loved ones in the Middle East, follow these tips I’ve learned to ensure your parcels’ timely and safe arrival…

DOs:

Give yourself plenty of time to send your parcels. Don’t put it off ‘til the last minute! Remember that it takes time for items to get to their destination, and there could be delays, especially if you’re sending them overseas. Check with your country’s postal service for deadlines for mailing locally, nationally, and internationally, so that you can send your gifts in time for friends and family to open on Christmas morning.

Wrap your present beforehand. This means wrapping paper, ribbons, and tags. Then cover the entire parcel in the brown mailing paper. Make sure the gift recipient knows the surprise won’t be ruined with the removal of the mailing paper. This will allow your gift to sit all sweet and festive under the Tree instead of all brown-papered, post-marked, and beat up from its travels.

Ensure the safe transit of food items. If you are mailing perishables, write “PERISHABLES” clearly on the box, and be sure to let the recipient know the minute you’ve sent it and when they should be expecting it so the food can be properly handled, refridgerated, or consumed as fresh as possible. Nothing says “Humbug” more than a package of specialty smoked salmon after it’s been sitting in the warm courier office for a week.

Make sure your package is clearly and correctly addressed. This is obvious, but I still get one or two addresses wrong every year. No one likes returned mail, and this will happen if the address is wrong or illegible. Take the extra time to search for postal codes, email friends/family for their current addresses, and use LARGE PRINTING on your parcel. Or you just might find that block of blue cheese that cost you a fortune on postage to send to your grandmother sitting on your front porch and much more fragrant than ever.

Place another copy of the return address and destination address on the inside of the package. If the outside of your package gets damaged in transit rendering the addresses illegible, you’ve got a back up on the inside. Just tape it lightly on the gift wrap.

DON’Ts:

Don’t send prohibited and restricted items. Are you sure the frozen sheep head you’re sending your uncle for Christmas will in fact reach him? It won’t if it’s on his country’s No Send List. I suspect it is, but you never know. The following are links to Canada, US, UK, Germany, and New Zealand postal lists to get you started.

Don’t pack the gift with batteries inside. Remove the batteries from the device, and wrap them separately. This will keep them from accidentally turning on and beeping or ticking over the Pacific Ocean. Plus, the batteries won’t be drained before reaching its destination.

Don’t use too much tape. Your parcel could be opened by customs.

Don’t use ribbon or string to wrap your parcels. Yes, these could be easily replaced by customs if they need to open your package. However, they could also get tangled up in automatic sorting equipment used by many courier/postal services. Use good quality tape that was designed for this purpose.

Don’t dismiss the boxes offered by your postal service. They are the dimensions that your postal service has already pre-approved, so you shouldn’t encounter the problems associated with unusual size. And they are strong. Just be sure to pad them well with plenty of bubble wrap, newspaper, or tissue so the item isn’t just rattling around in the box.

Do you have any tips to add for sending parcels over the holidays?

I triple heart Christmas. It really is my favorite time of the year. Because I love it so, I never miss the chance to count down to the Big Day. I’ve had advent calendars for every Christmas that I can remember, and you can bet that I’ve continued the advent calendar tradition for my kids as well. Of course, it’s possible to purchase cheap advent calendars filled with waxy chocolate, or the über expensive name brand toy calendars (I found one that was selling for $40!), but if you prefer to have a bit of a personal touch with your calendars, it’s pretty simple to make your own.

There are infinite ways to make your own Advent Calendar - let your mind go wild. When I was thinking about styles of calendars that I could make this year, I considered:

• Cut the shape of a Christmas tree out of scrap wood. Paint it. Cover it with small hooks or brass nails, and use tiny ornaments to count (up) the days to Christmas.
• Use a purchased wreath. Using floral wire attach small boxes filled with treats and surprises.
• Wrapping individual small treats and toys and attaching them along a length of ribbon. This is the version that I decided to make this year because it’s easy and supplies are readily available.

Supplies:

• 24 or 25 small containers or bags (Some people prefer to count down to Christmas Day, I prefer the traditional counting down to Christmas Eve - your preference.)
  • Note: You can purchase 24 small boxes or gift bags from a dollar store, however I went the frugal route and used containers and boxes from around the house. I used small boxes from recent purchases of night cream, deodorant, and even empty medicine bottles. The kids have never noticed what the container looks like because they’re too busy tearing into it to see what the daily surprise is.
• Gift wrap supplies: wrap, ribbon, tape, scissors
• Labels or tags
• Approximately 5 feet of decorative ribbon. I used 2.5-inch wired ribbon because I wanted something strong enough to hold up the weight of the gifts, however if your gifts are very light and small, a thinner ribbon will likely be fine. The length of ribbon you require depends on how large your gifts are.
• Goodies, gifts, toys to fill each container. Some suggestions:
  • Christmas themed chocolate or candy
  • Small Christmas ornaments
  • Small toys such as rubber balls, cans of Play-Doh, small cars, Silly Putty, tiny dolls, stickers
• Tip: If you have multiple children like I do, you can either make separate calendars for each child, or put duplicates of each surprise in each container and have them alternate the opening of the gifts.

Instructions:

1. Label your tags from 1 to 24 (or 25). I used the Christmas Flakes font which you can get as a free download, however a simple pen to paper works as well.
2. If you are using plain paper for your labels, you can jazz them up by trimming the edges of the paper using scrapbooking scissors.
3. Wrap your surprises and treats attaching a label to each.
4. Attach your wrapped containers to the ribbon. I like to attach the gifts in non-numerical order just to encourage the kids to search out the correct gift, however hanging them all in sequence is fine too.
5. Decorate your ribbon as you like and attach to the wall.

Happy Holidays!

Go you have any advent calendar ideas or tips you want to share?

November is Diabetes Awareness Month, a cause close to my heart. In August of 2010, my then 6 year old son was rushed to the hospital with a blood sugar reading over 800. He was admitted into the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit, where the first few days were the scariest I have ever experienced. His diagnosis was clear: Type 1 diabetes.

Unlike Type 2, Type 1 is an auto-immune disease. He did not acquire diabetes because he ate too many sweets, his immune system simply turned on itself. It is a chronic, incurable, but manageable, disease. He will need to administer a balancing act of insulin for the rest of his life.

The abundance of information all at once is completely overwhelming and utterly confusing at first. The statistics alone are staggering. It’s normal to not know where to turn. It’s normal to be afraid. It’s also normal to want to live your life like normal.

If you should find yourself the parent of a child with a chronic disease like diabetes, these are suggestions that could help you find a path to your new normal.

1. Read all the information you can. The internet is an amazing library full of wonderful resources. Take advantage of it. For diabetes, read through websites such as the American Diabetes Association and the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation. Furthermore, search for personal articles and blogs. The more informed you are, the less overwhelmed you’ll feel.

2. Seek a support group. There are a myriad of message boards available online. But while the internet is great, local support is even better. Not only for you as the parent to share stories and trials, but also your child. Introducing your child to a common group of peers, who have to test their blood sugar and worry about insulin, lets them know they’re not alone.

3. Gather a caring, informed medical team. You will need an endocrinologist that will support you, care for your child, and explain their answers concisely and compassionately when you have questions.

4. Do not let a disease define who you are. Live your life. At first, this may sound impossible. If you are anything like I was, you will be constantly worried. You will find yourself unable to focus elsewhere. You may even feel like you’re flailing in open air. As time moves on, however, it really does get easier. Let your kid be a kid. If my son wants a cupcake, I let him have a cupcake. He runs and plays and he’s your typical little boy, except he has Type 1 diabetes. Type 1 diabetes does not have him.

Do you have any tips you’d like to share for living with a chronic disease?

I could write a book called “Before I Became A Mom” because life was so much different then. I’ve learned so much since becoming a mom, I sort of feel like an expert in certain areas. Of course, being a mom also means learning from mistakes I’ve made - and trust me, there have been plenty. It’s a learning experience, motherhood. A life-long learning experience. Sometimes, you get it right, sometimes, you get it wrong, but you’ll always have a story to tell.

Today I’m going to share you some tips on traveling with children. Because trust me, gone are the days when vacations meant relaxing.

Back in the day, before I had children, going on vacation to me meant sleeping in, putting on a bikini, finding a perfect spot on the beach or by the pool, and working on my tan, while sipping a Pina Colada. The most work I’d get in a day would be flipping sides so my tan would be completely even, followed by an afternoon of shopping, possibly a nap, and dinner at my own pace.

Once you have kids, you can forget all that. Vacations have now taken on a whole new meaning. But don’t worry - they’re still fun! Just…different. And way more tiring.

My tips for traveling with children six and under?

Take a short flight. No longer than 3 hours, and you’ll all keep your sanity. Trips to Europe can wait until your youngest child is six years old!

Bring a portable DVD player with your child’s favourite DVD’s. The ipad and iphones are also great distractions for your children! Don’t forget the headphones, either.

In your carry-on bag, bring new books and toys to occupy your child on the trip.

Also bring lots of snacks. Junk food is awesome. Children love chocolate.

Travel with family. The more, the merrier. Seriously - as many extra hands as you can get to come with you! Almost all vacations we’ve taken with the children involved my parents, and sometimes even my grandparents, and sister, and her family. Extra hands on the plane means you can go pee without bringing your children with you to the small bathroom - something I’ve had to do while travelling solo before, something that caused me to break out in a huge sweat.

Try to take as many cute pictures as you can while on vacation. No matter how annoying you sound to everyone around you!

Bring lunch to your child in the hotel room. No need to sit and wait to eat at a restaurant. Who wouldn’t enjoy a burger and fries in bed?

If you’re breastfeeding, nurse your baby on the plane. He/she won’t even realise the plane has taken off, and he’ll sleep almost the entire time.

Make sure to stay at a child-friendly resort, where they provide things like beach toys for the kids to play with. We love staying at the Westin Diplomat in south Florida, and we loved The Atlantis in the Bahamas - packed with things for children to do, and the children’s pools were amazing.

Try to pack light. You’re not only packing for yourself only anymore! You have to bring less shoes to make room for all the items your children will need. Oh, the things I sacrifice!

Don’t worry about leaving your baby half dressed after a diaper change on the plane. It is hard enough changing the diaper of a squirmy baby on the plane to begin with! And don’t worry if he walks up and down the aisle of the plane, talking to everyone he sees. They don’t mind at all. He’s happy? You’re happy, all is good.

Make sure your children have enough soothers to last them the entire trip.

Leave the flat iron at home, and go ‘au natural’ with your hair. It’s okay, really. (Did you really think you’d have the time to straighten your hair?)

Nap time can be enjoyed under a palm tree in the shade. That way, someone can always stay close to the baby while you swim!

Did I mention bring your parents? My dad is such a great grandfather - travelling with him and my mom makes trips more enjoyable.

And of course… after the kids are happily tucked in and asleep, you can have a few drinks and go out for dinner without the children, because they’ll happily asleep in the hotel room, while your parents baby-sit

Do you have any traveling tips that you want to share?

Kristen is the mom of four kids in four years through birth and adoption, and started blogging at Rage Against the Minivan as a coping skill in 2006. She is also the managing editor at ShePosts. Kristen lost her long battle against the minivan last year . . . it now sits in her driveway covered in crushed cheerios and remnants of her self-esteem.

I used to subscribe to the idea that children are colorblind in regards to racial differences. I love the vision of American being this great melting pot where kids of every race play together in perfect harmony, and I made the assumption that prejudice only happened based on adult racial baggage. But as my kids are getting older, I’ve begun to realize that children do, in fact, notice race  We are a transracial family and my children, even as young as two, frequently describe family and friends in terms of skin color. I’ve even had the sinking feeling as I’ve observed playground interactions that my African American children are sometimes excluded because they look different.  And then, we had a couple incidents where my kids were blatantly excluded for their skin color.  My colorblind theory was beginning to crack.

I thought I was just being paranoid until I started doing some research on it. As it turns out, infants as young as 6 months old recognize racial difference. A simple google search on race and exclusion brings up dozens of studies on the impact of race in preschool and elementary school. The findings are scary: race is one of the biggest factors in children being left out by their peers. It’s as impactful as gender, physical differences, and even cognitive ability. Research indicates that by the age of 3, children develop a sense of “outsiders”-people who are different from themselves-and because of societal influence, may target those outsiders for prejudicial behaviors.

At the age that most children begin to notice gender differences, they also begin to notice race. This doesn’t have to be a bad thing – but it can be if we aren’t proactive. I think many of us are unaware of children’s racial bias, because it can be subject we inadvertently avoid. We want our kids to be “colorblind” in the way they treat others, so we pretend not to notice differences and encourage them do to the same. But in doing so, we might miss some important conversations and inadvertently communicate to our children that racial differences are a taboo subject. Research from McGill University suggests that young children’s racial attitudes are not necessarily a reflection of their parents’ views, and that remaining silent on racial issues suggests to children that talking about race is off limits.

I have a few friends who decided to broach the subject of race with their school-aged children, and they were shocked at what they found. One child expressed how glad she was that her skin was light because lighter was prettier. Another child said, point-blank, that he didn’t like kids with brown skin. Another parent decided to just observe her son at their next park outing. She watched her child allow a white child into the circle to share sand toys, but tell a Mexican child he had to play elsewhere.

Now, let me point out that these are not bad, abnormal, or cruel kids. These are sweet kids from amazing families, just expressing a typical (albeit flawed) developmental preference for similarity. A child who is wary of children who look different is not a racist in the making, any more than a child who wants to play with kids of their own gender is a budding sexist. These are normal developmental stages. However, like many “normal” childhood traits (impulsivity, selfishness, etc), this brand of xenophobia may need some gentle guidance and education from parents.

Children are social beings, and one of the first social lessons they learn is to sort and group. Boys hang out with boys. Girls hang out with girls. If your child shows these gender preferences, chances are they have racial preferences, too. This doesn’t make them little racists. It doesn’t mean they have a future in the KKK. It just means that they need some gentle guidance from you to overcome this natural tendency to seek out “sameness”.

So how do we encourage tolerance with our children? First of all, it’s important to talk openly about racial differences. If we teach our kids to be “colorblind” we are essentially silencing their observations on difference. This may send a message that diversity is scary, and can contribute to development of negative attitudes or a feeling of unease around people who are racially different. We should allow our children to talk openly about their observations, and assume that they may even have biases that we need to gently correct.

We should also provide our children with experiences in diversity, being intentional to get out of our own comfort zone. If children rarely see their parents interact with people of other races, it is likely that they will be uncomfortable as well. The most impactful way we can teach our children to value diversity is to model it in our own lives.

How are you raising your kids t appreciate diversity?