Single Mom at Work
with Karli Larson
The transition from stay-at-home mom to divorced-and-working-full-time mom can be challenging, and sometimes very lonely. Throw in a few cats, an ancient dog and one very brave boyfriend, and life gets downright crazy. Join me as I talk through my thoughts and struggles, my miscalculations and my triumphs. We're in this together, you and I.
When I'm not writing here you can find me over at work on the TisBest Philanthropy blog.
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I sprinted up to the United Airlines counter, passport and boarding pass soaked with sweat in my left hand, one high heel wedge sticking haphazardly out of my oversized purse. I lost my grip on my laptop bag and twisted my ankle a little on the freshly washed lemon-vinegar floors of the late evening airport and when I screeched to a bedraggled halt in front of the coiffed man at the counter, he looked thoroughly unimpressed.
I looked at my boarding pass: 8:20 boarding for an 8:55 PM flight. We both looked at his large silver watch: 8:42 PM.
“Oh, man, I missed it, didn’t I?” I was aware that I looked like I’d just rolled out of a filthy livestock bus, with all the running hysterically through the noxious fumes and consuming fury of LAX, and I didn’t even try to charm him.
He looked to the attendant to his right and frowned.
“Ms. Darguzas?”
“Yes!” There was hope.
“Next flight leaves tomorrow morning at 9:30 AM. You’ll have to get a hotel.”
I slumped against the counter, letting my head rest on the cool marble. My Mom had arrived at my house at 5 AM that morning, I had been on a 6:30 flight and I’d finished four business meetings. And then been steamrolled by LA traffic before being punched in the face by the Red Tape at the car rental place. I knew my brother was looking after my son, but even on the flight I was supposed to be on, I wouldn’t have been back home till after midnight. Tomorrow was too late. My son expected me to be there when he woke up. Not to mention what staying the night in LA would do to my work load the next day.
I looked up at the gate attendant and drew in a breath.
“Listen,”I said,”I’m a single Mom and I need to get home to my kid tonight. I promised I would be there when he woke up and he trusts me. I don’t think the airplane door is sealed yet. Is there any way I can get on that flight?”
He looked at me, surprised, and his face softened.
“I was just pulling your leg,”he said,”I’m sorry. Look, will this help?”
He passed me a boarding pass: 3A. He’d upgraded my ticket from economy to business class.
“Now, not cause you’re late, mind you,”he says,”And not because you’re a single Mom, either. I’m sorry about LA traffic, you know.”
I resisted the urge to kiss his nose and ran on to the plane, ignoring the fact that one of my heels had fallen out of my purse in the concourse. I had a lucky break this time, but it made me think: should single parents get perks when travelling? I remember standing in line behind a woman in Newark who said she had to make a flight to get home to her kids. This was back before I had children and I remember thinking: suck it up, lady, I have to get home to my boyfriend.
Now that I’m a Mom, I think differently, of course, and would hope travel employees would try to accommodate parents returning home to their kids as much as possible. It’s not an obligation of the airlines to over serve single parents, maybe, but I think it’s an awfully nice thing to do.
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I’m so sorry I made you so late! My new nickname should be “LA Traffic,” hee!
Tamara | July 11th, 2008 at 11:41 am
No, single moms should not, but if perks are going to be doled out at the discretion of staff, a case like yours is as good a reason as any. Family emergencies, honeymoons, people with obvious physical “issues” (no, not being a leggy supermodel) that would prevent them from being comfortable for hours - these are also viable reasons for otherwise empty seats to be filled, and would go a LONG WAY to improving the reputation of airlines, esp. in the US.
doug | July 11th, 2008 at 11:47 am
Wow. Lucky break! That is awsome!
Although single moms…ahem, parents do generally have more on their plate I don’t think this is a golden ticket to special treatment.
I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’d be nice. I just haven’t found this to be true in my experience.
On the other hand I am very much an independent, and knowing myself and my crazy thought processing I would probably take a gesture of kindness from someone trying to give me a break as an implication I can’t handle things myself.
Miranda | July 11th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
I guess if people want you to be extra-productive as a single mom, they should consider what it will take to make this happen. I don’t mean airlines, but employers and other organizations. I have been involved in some nonprofits for years, and am an officer on four boards. Before I had kids, I could make meetings even if they were scheduled for 8am or evenings; now, I can’t. My nanny has other things to do and I’m not about to get a sitter every time I have a nonprofit meeting. I could dial in, but I’d still have kid stuff going on in the background, and they always seem to fall on their heads just when an important topic is being discussed. So, what can be done for me? Well, how about having all the meetings during normal business hours - say, lunch hour? Is it giving me special treatment? Maybe - but only because most of the others on the board are either male or childless. My problems are not their problems, but if they consider my contribution valuable, they need to factor my problems into their decision process.
SKL | July 11th, 2008 at 11:20 pm
I should add that I have cut my travel to almost nil since I became a single mom. When I do go to a seminar or whatever, it’s understood that I skip any extras such as cocktail hour, classes I could teach myself, etc., if it means I can get back to my kids sooner. Again, the company chooses to employ me as a single mom, and I’ve made my values clear, so I really expect that my wish to be home as much as possible be honored. Luckily, the partners I work with do understand and respect my basic priorities, for the most part.
In many companies (probably most), professional women with kids are going to be paid less regardless of how much they sacrifice, based on assumptions that may or may not be true for each individual. When I was childless, I busted my butt more than any male colleague, but it sure wasn’t reflected in my pay. So why should I feel guilty cutting back to what I’m getting paid for? And that extra 10% - 20% of face-time BS that’s expected of professionals - how much is it really worth?
SKL | July 11th, 2008 at 11:33 pm
Airline service can be so inconsistent; I’m glad you met up with someone who understood the LA traffic dilemma and was willing to cut you some slack. Motherhood may have played a part, even though he said it didn’t. Ah, empathy, that rare but valuable part of customer service.
Daisy | July 13th, 2008 at 9:44 am
I was a Single Mom for a few years and now I am married and had a job that was away from my kids. However, one day while sitting on a plane I made the choice this stinks I miss my kids and now I have a job with little or no travel. You have choices, make the right one otherwise face the dreaded airlines. Everyone wants to be home and everyone has equal rights. You can not ask the world to change you need to change. However, when I was traveling I never felt to much guilt because I left them with those who loved them just as much as me and I was thinking maybe they could teach them something I could not. I left for selfish reason’s I missed them.
Renee | July 20th, 2008 at 6:11 pm