Single Mom at Work
with Karli Larson
The transition from stay-at-home mom to divorced-and-working-full-time mom can be challenging, and sometimes very lonely. Throw in a few cats, an ancient dog and one very brave boyfriend, and life gets downright crazy. Join me as I talk through my thoughts and struggles, my miscalculations and my triumphs. We're in this together, you and I.
When I'm not writing here you can find me over at work on the TisBest Philanthropy blog.
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This past weekend, I lined up a play date for Nolan with an adorably chubby-cheeked three-year-old from his daycare. I was actually really looking forward to it: I knew Marco’s Mom was an advertising sales executive too, and I thought we’d have lots in common. In my neighborhood, full-time working Moms are rare, and it was sweet relief to chat about the impossibility of steady work/life balance with a woman who understood.
We watched our kids turn over barnacle-crusted rocks, squealing with glee as baby crabs skittered frantically away, mortified at the sudden exposure.
“So you work from home,”Ann said with envy,”Wow. That’s so nice.”
“It is nice,”I reply,”I do travel two or three times a month, mostly to LA and San Francisco, but they’re just day trips.”
“I see on the sign-in sheets that you drop off Nolan at 8:30 and pick him up before 5, often,”she sounds wistful,”I wish I could do that. But the commute is an hour each way and traffic’s getting worse — plus the boss is always looking to see who leaves the office first, who arrives last. Usually, I drop the kids off by 7:00 and can’t get back till after 5.”
“You know — that’s so counter-productive of them,”I say, beginning to feel indignant,”You’re in sales, right? Your numbers speak for themselves. Why do so many companies tie their employees to a clock?”
I’ve worked in offices for 8 of the last 10 years - almost exclusively in corporate sales positions. And I can say firmly and without question that I put in the most hours, and work the hardest - now that I work from home. Not having to put on full-makeup and high heels in the morning means I have extra time to walk my son as he bikes to daycare. I start my day more relaxed; guilt-free because I’ve spent morning quality time with my kid. Not having to commute in traffic over the bridge means that I have an extra hour to write proposals and make cold calls. The fact that I have the freedom to pick my son up at 4:30 means that I am grateful for my position: I want to keep it, I want to earn it — and in return for that freedom, I very often work nights and weekends without any shred of bitterness. My company is doing well by me by providing me with a flexible business environment: I want to prove to them that they are absolutely making the right choice.
My work-at-home situation is less expensive for my company. They’re not responsible for paying for my office space, my phone or my parking space. I am uber connected in every way: through IM, email, and a million different social networks. If I were slacking, my company would know it instantly. Corporations don’t need their employees in an office to “monitor” them. In fact, I think they’d be so much more successful - and retain so many more employees, if more of them allowed flexibility with telecommuting.
Does your office offer any kind of work-from-home flexibility? Is it important to you?
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My company requires me to be at work during a set hours…I love my job, and the work environment they require me to be in. At times, I feel guilty because I love my job so much that I don’t mind my son being in daycare for semi-long hours…but at other times, my mom-guilt tugs at me. I’m not sure if I would change my current work situation, but I know I’ll try and make the best of whatever situation I am faced with.
Miz | September 15th, 2008 at 8:24 am
Ugh. Where I work now it’s really not a possibility. My manager can allow a work at home day on a case-by-case basis every now and then, but in general it doesn’t happen, and upper management has made it known they’re very anti-WAH. They also won’t consider flexible work weeks (like 4 10-hour days) or part time schedules (president of the company basically told my manager if someone on his staff wanted to work part time, she’d fire them and hire a full time person, when he asked).
It’s attitudes like this that are contributing to my very serious plans to leave the company in January and freelance full time. It’s worth the risk for me to have a better work-life balance.
Groovymarlin | September 15th, 2008 at 9:24 am
hmm my company is pretty flexible and has various work from home options depending on the job. We do have requirements like managers with direct reports must be in the office the majority of the time and even ‘full time’ work from home types have to be in the office 1 day a week (their choosing) but give up their cube in favor of a shared big cube area. everyone is required to come in for ‘big important meetings’ etc.
over all though, i think they are really trying - my company at least sees that it is sooo much cheaper and employees are happier for them to allow folks to work from home.
there are just some jobs though, obviously, that do not lend themselves to working from home. like say, receptionist
Kate | September 15th, 2008 at 11:46 am
It amazes me how many companies have not jumped on the flex-time bandwagon.
I worked as an event planner for a high tech company in Boston for 13 years. Before the birth of my son I tried to negotiate a more flexible work schedule with a few days at home. No dice! I ended up leaving (with a severance) and started freelancing (www.buzzevents.com).
I am much happier now and a big believer that everything happens for a reason - BUT it would have been nice to have the option to stay with a more flexible schedule.
Anne | September 15th, 2008 at 11:57 am
It’s funny as we now have the whole systems of “hotel” cubes and telecommuting set up, mostly to save money, but it doesn’t really apply to management or most of the people who work here. It’s all manager driven, and I’ve found that the more confident and competent managers are really flexible, trust their employees to get work done and don’t worry about their “image” (ie of having peple at home) just about the performance and results. The others really frown upon it and corporate will make no effort to help.
I completely agree that when a company/manager is flexible and understanding they get more out of their employees. For my bosses who had no issue with me leaving early, missing mornings to volunteer, and who asked before scheduling a late meeting, etc. I happily worked at nights and weekends when needed.
Nicole/wksocmom | September 15th, 2008 at 12:08 pm
So many good points here, Kristin. I too find that I get way more done when I work from home, and I’m glad that my company allows my work to speak for itself rather than feel like they need to physically keep tabs on me in an office.
That kind of flexibility and trust is one of the reasons I’ve stayed in my job as long as I have. I could get paid twice as much by moving to another company within the same industry, but I always knew that when it came time for me to start a family, I’d appreciate my company’s flexibility even more. Now, after seven years, it’s paying off!
workingonmotherhood | September 15th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
My office really isn’t. It’s sad that there are so many of us seeing it this way - it’s not workable for the company or for personal lives, but it seems that there is a real refusal to consider other options.
It’s getting to a tipping point for me - and I’m almost to a place where it doesn’t work to fight it anymore. I don’t even have to tell any of you that it will always be my daughter who wins, either. I know that each of you understand that all too well.
bessie.viola | September 15th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
Nicole: my good friend was just telling me about the “hotel cubes” at her (very blue chip) office — I’d never heard of them.
I wonder if there’s a course on Keeping Excellent, Productive Employees around for the long term. I bet “flexibility” would be top on the list of must-have attributes.
Kristin D | September 15th, 2008 at 3:38 pm
Thank you, Thank you for writing this.
You spoke my feelings, my thoughts.
I am planning to ask my boss to work from home again. I asked once, they said no. I will ask again. If I hear another no again, I will have to make some changes in my career.
Basically, if corporate america will not provide flexibility they will lose working mothers. Perhaps that’s what they want. That’s fine. I believe that’s one of the reason more and more moms are becoming business owners. We will prosper either way.
Vera Babayeva | September 15th, 2008 at 9:24 pm
I am very fortunate to work for a flexible company. I have been working 4/10s for just over a year now and have found that it has allowed me to keep my sanity as a working mom of a two year old. My boss was always very willing to work with me, but I in return am always available via blackberry/e-mail and phone. I have no problems working on my “off” time because he’s always so willing to work with me.
Stacey | September 16th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
I work for the state and my entire department is “virtual office”. There still needs to be a little bit more of a paradigm shift among management but it works pretty well. I wish they were a *little* more flexible sometimes (they start to freak out if I’m not on IM by 8:01 and heaven forbid I should log off two minutes before 5!) but I just can’t imagine having to go back to working in an office now. Telecommuting can be a double-edged sword but I won’t even consider a job that doesn’t offer me that option now.
Barb | September 17th, 2008 at 11:29 am
I was really surprised when I asked my company if I could work from home twice a week and they accepted my proposal. It has worked out well and I am very grateful. I do worry that as my son starts to crawl or be awake more hours that I will have to send him to daycare even when I am home but I agree that it still will give me more time with him. I selected a daycare that is down the road from my house. Maybe on nice days, I can walk him there and spend some quality time with him in the mornings. It is also nice that when I am done work, my commute upstairs is all I have.
My employer is also flexible with the hours I work. I tend to arrive at 7:30 and take a half hour lunch, allowing me to leave at 4. I am hourly and they look down upon overtime so I leave as soon as the clock says 4.
I know my production has stayed the same as if I worked in the office all week. SO far no complaints! I hope they are open to this set up for as long as I work there!
Lisa | September 17th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
Neither my current position nor my previous position allow me the flexibility to stay home. My current job does not offer flex hours either. I work at a real estate office, and the agents here require us to be here for certain hours every day. My previous job was in Corporate America, and I just happened to work for one of those companies that will probably never see the day they allow their employees to telecommute. They did offer flex hours (like 4/10’s and in some rare cases, part time), but you had to have a very understanding supervisor and upper management team, so it was rare. I am currently working on building my business and trying to be home by the time baby #2 arrives in April, 2009. It’s a struggle working full time, and trying to build a successful business, but if it becomes successful, it will be worth all of the hard work and efforts of now!
Stacie | September 18th, 2008 at 4:48 pm