Oh Kristin..you’ve touched on a subject thats been lurking in the back of my mind for a couple of months now. Our daycare has a ‘Jose’ too and I’ve tried to not think that way and my God, how I’ve berated myself over being unduly suspicious of him. Just BECAUSE he is a male and works at a daycare. Like you, I don’t get any bad vibes or anything, it’s just..he’s a dude, ya know? I’ve felt like an asshole for telling my husband to please NOT leave the kids there in the morning if it’s just him and no one else there yet. We drop off early, one of the first ones there and I know I have no basis, no reason to be suspicious, but like your brother said, it’s just weird.

I’ve questioned my son about him and he doesn’t seem scared of him or anything. I just think it’s odd and wonder why a man would want to work in that environment.

It is completely sexist to think like this, but I guess I’d rather be sexist and safe than politically correct and put my kids at risk.

I’m very curious to see what the other comments are about this.

My son had 2 male caregivers at daycare. He loved them! He thought they were soooo awesome with their funky hair cuts and cool t-shirts. The only thought I had was how it was a shame that the daycare didn’t have more of them. They were quite a novelty with the kids. My son is now 7 but still remembers Mr Dave from the “toddler 2″ room. He did like the kids, but he didn’t stay at the daycare. After a couple years he moved on. In a licensed daycare setting where they have had background checks and references I don’t see why they would be different from the female employees. Truthfully its hard to find jobs now so if a young single male works at a daycare, so what as long as he is good with the kids? I think it would be weirder for a married man with kids to be there. A single guy can go home by himself and relax and have fun or whatever. A married guy with children would leave the chaos at daycare and head to the chaos at home and how many moms have a hard time with that? I can’t see a man doing it.

I know this will indeed be a controversial thing to say, but I agree with the brother. We do not allow our boys (nor would we if we had girls) to stay alone with men outside of our immediate family. Perhaps it is because of crystal-clear memories I have of being a very young girl at a babysitters and hearing her son say something sexually-charged to me; perhaps it is because of my own nephew being in daycare where the male teacher exposed himself to my nephew and to others. I recognize that my past does color my perception.
However, for us, it comes down to not wanting to put my son in a situation where someone could make a bad choice, even one bad choice. I believe the male mind is wired differently than a female one and that there are times they make bad choices. So, especially in these crazy times, my husband and I choose to leave our children with females only. No male babysitters or daycare workers (or even nursery workers at the church, for that matter).
That’s just our family’s humble opinion.

This is really a tough one. The fact is, MANY young girls and boys are preyed on. I’ve heard statistics as high as 50%. This has happened to many children whom I know personally, including myself. It’s most often perpetrated by a man. And of course, always when there’s no other adult around.

Well, of course most men wouldn’t ever consider hurting a child in that way. Most would want to vomit at the thought. I know a man (who happens to be gay) who loves children, and I know he’d never hurt a child, but he would never attempt to get a job like that, because he knows that (a) parents would think exactly what your brother thinks and (b) it would be 100 times worse if they found out he was gay. But if society was less suspicious, I believe he would love to hold such a job. It’s not a weird inclination per se, in my opinion.

Another thought: a boy growing up without his father present has a lot to gain by having male teachers and caregivers.

But when it comes down to my kids, here’s my view. Child molestation is something I will be unapologetically overprotective about. It’s something that does happen a lot, so there’s a real risk. And, the results are so devastating. Especially while my children are too young to understand where lines are drawn and when to seek help, I will err on the side of safety. I don’t want my kids alone with a man unless it’s someone I know well and have good reason to trust.

It’s great if there’s a male teacher at the day care, but I’d always want another person in the room with my kid. I would guess that male employees would understand this sentiment.

When it comes to our children’s safety, I could care less about political correctness. As a single mom, I am my child’s only dedicated advocate and they are my number one priority.

My boyfriend is completely in love with children. He is a 30 y/o man who spends hours playing with my 8 month old nephew, he won’t let anyone else hold the baby when his hands are free to hold him. He worked at an after school program when he was still in school. He hounds me daily about having kids of our own. He just genuinely loves children. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a man working at a daycare center. No one thinks a male teacher is odd.
And comments about child molestation? Doesn’t that usually happen at the hands of a family member?
I’m not saying to ignore your internal warning bell, but I do think that Jose should be treated just as any female care giver is.

To one of the above posters: yes, I believe the statistics show that children who are molested are more likely to be victims of a family member than otherwise. But there are still many who are victimized by non-family members. I’m not lying when I tell you I am personally acquainted with at least a half-dozen such incidents involving just myself and my siblings (at least six different perps, all male, none relatives). It really isn’t that rare.

Hi Kristin,

My son just had a 30 something male teacher for two years and he was an absolutely fabulous teacher. Some men are really suited to teach. He’d been teaching preschool for 15 years and was one of the best, most beloved teachers in the entire center. Being a teacher is a calling and the men who do it, do it because they are really passionate about it. I don’t know what happens in Canada, but all childcare professionals in Massachusetts go through a full COREY/Criminal background check.

Most childcare centers are very open with lot of adults around at all times with no real private spaces for anything untoward to take place.

Does your childcare center have areas where it would be possible for a kid to get isolated with an adult? I think, if something bad was happening there, there wouldn’t be such a positive vibe when you walk in the door.

I have a friend who was a daycare worker for many years - single, in his 20’s with no kids. He did it because he is HILARIOUS and great with kids and they love him. How wonderful it is for children to have positive male role models!? It’s a sad world if men are banished from being in children’s lives because they are male. Your instincts tell you this guy is okay - go with it.

The young man who teachers at my kids’ preschool is one of the best teachers there. He’s fun and active and comes from a huge family and just loves kids. The boys, especially, adore him.

How can we expect men to be good fathers when we simultaneously expect them to be crappy, inattentive, or dangerous teachers?

I’d be uncomfortable letting my daughters go with a male caregiver. One pre-school I looked at was run by a grandmotherly type woman and she said her husband was regularly around. That sealed the deal for me, I got a yucky feeling and didn’t send my girls there. You have to trust your gut though.

I was a mother’s helper in college to a lesbian couple and their two children. Their youngest went to a part-time daycare with a male teacher. The women loved that their son had an opportunity to really bond with grown man since, in their lives, men were in short supply.

My son goes to preschool on a university campus. The preschool hires student aides - many of them men. The school takes some precautions (like the male students don’t take the kids to the bathroom). I have to tell you tho, having a boy who has lots of energy and wants to be a big guy like his daddy… those male students are the best. They all really engage with the kids in a physical “let’s race, who can make a basket first, let’s play tag” way that the female teachers and female students do not. All of the guys love working there - they all say that it is the best to get to run around with kids, play soccer, and get paid.

Wait…. do you think it’s odd that some women work as mechanics? Would you refuse to take your car, something that is a deadly weapon, to a female mechanic? Or would you refuse to take your children to a female doctor?

Both of these are traditionally male jobs. If your answer is “of course I’d worry more about the car, or their health care, if I hired a female mechanic or doctor,” then at least you’re consistent. But, as a woman, I’d bet you have no doubts in the abilities of trained women to hold those jobs.

Do you believe that the schools have swooped unscreened workers off the street, or do you believe these teachers are trained and screened?

Do your kids have strong male role models in their home, or would they be uncomfortable with a male authority and nurturing figure? (those are questions to consider when placing kids in care. Also consider whether you want to raise children who believe that only women should deal with little kids: we model more through what we do than through what we say.)

I worked with a young man in a daycare, young and single I should add. He was one of the best teachers that we had. So caring and gentle with the kids. He was working on a child development degree and wanted to specialize in children with autism. I can’t imagine keeping him from what is obviously his calling in life.

Well, i am a 52 year old married man who works full time at a daycare. I am taking classes for the CDA now and probably will get a degree in childcare.
Ask the young man how he ended up working there. He probably will be glad to tell you. I found that I love kids and I love to see them grow and learn. I was shy as a child and I especially love to build self esteem in kids and watch them start having confidence!