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Peace to you.

Categories: Best Practices, Tentative Steps

11 comments

2007 was the year I left everything I owned in a towering heap on my driveway: a pillar of dust, lost hope, and chewed ends. It was Spring when I left and the ground in my prairie city was still brown, half-frozen.

If I looked closely, I could see feisty green blades of grass scrapping their way up to the light, toward new warming sun. I sat in the backseat of my own Jeep, holding my baby’s hand, as we drove away from my little house for the very last time. Tears filled my eyes and I felt like vomiting. I couldn’t imagine it would ever get better. I couldn’t imagine my heart would ever be right again. The only reason I had for garnering even a shred of hope, was that wide eyed tiny boy in the seat beside me. I needed to find the sun for him.

***

It’s now the dusk of 2008, a year and a half later. My little boy - the one who is running and laughing and expressing his own opinions - is with his Dad and paternal grandparents this week for the holidays.

I expected to feel a vast emptiness the minute I dropped him off with his Father. But he kissed my cheek and squeezed me in a shockingly strong little hug and said,”I have fun Mommy. I will see you very soon.”

I looked at him and touched his cheek, amazed at his adaptability, his good naturedness, the way he finds happiness in everything.

He touched my hair and looked at me with that tilted-head stare of his:

“I will call you,” he said solemnly, and he is a boy of his word and so I kissed his head and retreated to my car, blowing kisses. He is OK and so am I.

***

2008 has been an incredible year. I am inspired by my boy, filled with hope for the future, and buoyed (and still somewhat surprised) by my own ability to take care of us both: and do it well. I am incredibly grateful for my family, for the healing power of the ocean and the mountains, for twenty-year friends and brand new ones in this city of my youth.

I’m grateful too, for my corner of the Internet, where I can write, and fret, and take a deep inhalation and share our story to a willing audience. That is an incredible thing.

I’ve found peace, and I hope you have, too


Thank you so much for reading and commenting and sharing your stories here, this year.  This is one of my favorite places to write, and that’s because all of you.  Wishing you heartfelt joy, uncontrollable belly laughter, and lots of gingerbread this holiday season!



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11 comments so far...

  • Kristin, you’re an incredible person, mom, writer… every time I read something you write here I feel two things: lucky and grateful.

    Nataly  |  December 22nd, 2008 at 8:54 pm

  • You’re a lucky mom; and he’s a lucky boy.

    Daisy  |  December 22nd, 2008 at 10:16 pm

  • Merry Christmas, Kristin and Nolan!
    May 2009 bring you both nothing but joy.

    Big GUM (Heather)  |  December 23rd, 2008 at 9:18 am

  • Merry Christmas. As this is our first Christmas, just me and my one and two year old. When we drove out of our driveway for the last time 2 months ago, I cried and didnt know how on earth I would make it with two toddlers, a full time job and returning to school. But thanks be to God I AM making it and reading your discovery of Peace gives me strenth to keep going and achieve that Peaceful state. Have a wonderful 2009.

    tamika  |  December 23rd, 2008 at 10:16 am

  • I have followed you on your journey from when your sweet boy was but a baby. You have endured more heartache than anyone should have to bear, but you came through it with grace, class, and dignity.

    Have a great holiday, friend.

    Angella  |  December 23rd, 2008 at 11:16 am

  • Well, here I am, tearing up at the computer. This is beautiful, as is everything you write.
    I wish you nothing but the best this holiday.

    Cari  |  December 23rd, 2008 at 2:43 pm

  • Nataly: I’ve said it before: you’re an amazing boss, and an even more incredible woman. I am lucky and grateful to have crossed paths with you.

    Daisy: Thank you. I know I’m lucky!

    Heather: Back at you!

    Tamika: Wishing you strength and peace - you can do it, and do it well. Thinking of you.

    Angella: You know how I feel about you, friend.

    Cari: Wishing you the best too (and it boggles my mind that my writing can provoke tears - but that is a huge compliment, and I appreciate it so much!)

    Kristin D  |  December 23rd, 2008 at 2:53 pm

  • I’m so grateful to have had a window into your life this year, Kristin. I know you have the fortitude to face anything 2009 throws your way- and am hoping that will be enriching experiences, genuine people and an adventure or two!

    Miriam  |  December 23rd, 2008 at 5:15 pm

  • This kind of made me bawl my eyes out… in a good way. Thanks for being such a great writer, and putting it all down so openly.

    Take care of yourself during your week off and do good things for YOU, okay??

    single mom seeking  |  December 23rd, 2008 at 7:19 pm

  • Kristen-I wish you the best in 2009. Your post brought tears to my eyes. You are an incredible woman, worker and Mom! Peace and happy holidays! I hope Santa is good to you and Nolan :).

    ramseyquipp  |  December 23rd, 2008 at 8:34 pm

  • Happy Holidays Kristin! From one single mom to another, I truly feel the words that you write, and thank you for allowing me to express myself! Many blessings in the coming year!

    BlapherMJ  |  December 25th, 2008 at 12:32 pm

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