with Karli Larson
The transition from stay-at-home mom to divorced-and-working-full-time mom can be challenging, and sometimes very lonely. Throw in a few cats, an ancient dog and one very brave boyfriend, and life gets downright crazy. Join me as I talk through my thoughts and struggles, my miscalculations and my triumphs. We're in this together, you and I.
When I'm not writing here you can find me over at work on the TisBest Philanthropy blog.
I’m a bit of a pacifist. It takes a lot to get me red faced and spluttering things. If I’m going to freak out, it’s usually passive-aggressively, and only inside my head and whoa, I can come out with some doozy rebuttals at 3:00 in the morning (about 8 or 9 hours too late.)
I rarely comment on the politics or religion of anyone beyond my immediate family because I am reserved and fairly polite by nature and I’d rather walk into a posh restaurant wearing nothing but brown knee-highs and a fanny pack than get in a fight with anyone.
That said, I had to wait a few days to write this column because I was so infuriated by Ann Coulter’s recent declaration that Single Mothers are to blame for most of society’s evils (including rape and murder) that I thought I might start involuntarily dropping f-bombs if I started writing about it. Single Moms are singularly responsible for creating the psychopaths that are crusting our prison cells? I call bull on that, and I’d be willing to do it wobbly bodied, in just my socks.
I have to preface this by saying that I think Ann is a smart cookie. She knows how to stir up controversy, she knows how to self-promote, and I am aghast at the mind blowing thickness of her skin. The whole fact that I’m bothering to write about her here is testament that she’s doing a good job at something: this kind of publicity is what she wants. Controversy sells books. There is something fascinating about an unapologetically vehement woman. I get it.
Even though I fully realize that her intent is to cause fury and commotion, I still can’t believe that a childless woman would stoop this low. A woman who has never had children cannot understand what Motherhood is like: that’s a fact as much as every skewed statistic Ann selectively chooses for her book. To me, it’s a hell of a lot worse than Tom Cruise declaring that severely depressed women with post partum depression should buck up and take vitamins.
If you’ve been crouching somewhere under an Internet rock you may not have heard about Ann’s new book that claims, among other things, that, spurred by an “enabling” liberal media, single Moms have singularly created many of the monsters and ills of society: prison inmates, criminal minds, violent men, and social outcasts. She blames a lack of male influence, calling kids from Single Mom homes a “farm team for future criminals and outcasts.”
No where can I find evidence of any kind of acknowledgment that the men who may have left or abandoned these Mothers may have contributed to all this chaos and disaster.
I really don’t believe most sane people will give Ann’s words much merit here. To blame any one group for the downfall of society is appalling and horrific at worst, extremely dangerous at best. This kind of blind finger pointing is what causes world wars, for the love of all things holy. To pinpoint Single Mothers - many of whom have little choice in their status and are living their lives for their children - makes me nauseous.
I’ll be the first to admit my situation is not ideal. I would like Nolan’s Father to be a kind, responsible man, living with us: co-parenting, sharing the burdens and the joys. I would like to make sandwiches for two lunchboxes, and something other than Zoodles for dinner. I would love a witness to our lives and a hand over top of mine. I do believe that ultimately, our son yearns for that too.
But none of that is possible, and it’s not something that can be created by one person: and so what I want instead is to surround my son in love by family and friends, I want to provide him with excellent care when I can’t be there, and I want to learn to be a better person so that I can manage my relationship with his Father in a way that’s focused completely on the needs of our son.
I am actually still having problems writing this succinctly due to the bile that keeps rocketing up my chest, but I’ll provide you with a few to some interesting fodder on this topic. This first link is video footage of Ann’s appearance on the View. It marks the first time I’ve viewed the show that all the women, including Elizabeth Hasselback, seem to agree on something (and that’s that Ann is out of line here) And, here is a link to an LA Times blog post about Ann, the book, and the controversy, with a rebuttal by Work It Mom! blogger and well known single Mom blogger Rachel Sarah
In lieu of reading Ann Coulter’s book, I will be teaching my son tolerance. I’ll be teaching him not to judge anyone till he has walked a mile in their tired, threadbare shoes. I’ll be teaching him compassion, and honour. And hopefully, if I do things right, I’ll keep him out of prison and very far away from toxic women like Ann Coulter.
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