Single Mom at Work
with Jennifer Mattern
Feeling singled out? Get singled in with me: single mom, two kids, zero disposable income. Sometimes, life just sidles off in your preferred direction without you, and it takes a while to wrench your heel out of the sewer grate and catch up. Let's talk, sistas.
Find out more about my street cred at Breed 'Em and Weep.
I arrived at Nolan’s daycare this morning, late and whirl-winded as always, clutching my son’s bicycle helmet and a Spiderman lunchbag shamefully including Zoodles. Again. I took off his boots and put on his horrendous indoor Crocs and signed him in as I watched him run to his playmates out of the corner of my eye.
I put down the lunch bag and watched him hug Helen, the cheery young teacher with the gorgeous Spanish accent. She hugged him back, warmly, and I thought - man, am I glad we’re done with all the drop off crying.
I exchanged pleasantries with the teachers and turned around to see a handwritten sign on the door. It was signed by Rosie, one of three providers at my son’s daycare, and his very favorite.
I scanned the note and my heart sunk: Rosie had accepted another job. Her last day would be Friday. She wished all her buddies very well, and thanked all the parents for welcoming her with such open arms.
She’d only been at this daycare for 6 months, an Irish transplant with an infectious smile and a warm spirit. She was always special to my son, who took to her sweet, motherly ways immediately. Nolan often talked about Rosie and the songs she sings and the books she reads: she’d won his heart and so she’d won mine too.
I turned to Helen, who was watching me read the sign.
“Rosie’s leaving?” I asked dumbly.
She frowned,”I know,”she said,” It is so sad. We are such a good team right now.”
“I know!” I said,”Oh, man, Nolan adored her. And he loves you. You better not leave!”
She said nothing, and I looked away. And my heart sunk: she’s thinking of a better job, too.
The truth is, daycare providers get paid peanuts. The turnover rate is high as a result: and at Nolan’s daycare, 4 excellent providers have left within the last year and a half. It doesn’t seem right that these people who essentially help raise our children are paid such low wages. And yet - we can’t do anything about it. Can we?
My son’s daycare is private, and as I got in the Jeep to drive to my office, I thought: would Rosie stay, if all the parents chipped in an extra ten or fifteen dollars a month? Could we contribute to longer-lasting care, especially when that care was as spectacularly good as the kind Rosie bestowed? But I am already struggling as is: I pay $ 740.00 a month for my son’s full time care, and I’m not sure I can afford much more and still have food in the fridge and shirts on our backs.
But yet I feel like I need to take some action here: to talk to the Director of the daycare to see if perhaps we can do something to incent these wonderful caregivers to stay longer. My heart’s broken for my son, who will inevitably wonder where his good chum has gone, why he won’t see her again.
As a full time, working Mom - daycare is probably the single most important issue in my ability to manage our little household. I want Nolan to be happy and I want to do everything I can to foster that.
Have you had to deal with revolving-door daycare providers? I’m not sure I can do anything to help - perhaps mobilize the parents or offer volunteer services of some kind. Have you also experienced this, working Mamas?
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Unfortunately it’s happening everywhere. At my girl’s preschool, I can count 5 new teachers this year, and everytime it happens it’s another new adjustment for her. I don’t blame the teachers, I know they get paid horribly for the work they do but it breaks my heart seeing my daughter get attached to one teacher and then 3 months later she leaves. I’m at a loss at what parents could do.
Gabriella | May 13th, 2009 at 5:58 am
I hear you on this issue. Luckily at our daycare no one has left yet, but IF they do, my daughter will definitely be crushed. I appreciate being able to leave her in the care of the same people consistently so she continues to build a relationship with them. But, like you, I can barely afford the price we pay as it is.
Kristen | May 13th, 2009 at 7:55 am
When my son was in a private center, we experienced revolving employees as well. From my experience, I don’t think you should fret about it so long as the director is on his/her A-game. Unfortunately for myself and my little man, the director at his previous daycare was a NUTJOB….Needless to say, I had to find somewhere else.
Now, I take him to a private, in-home provider. It’s just like going to grandma’s house everyday. They still do crafts and projects. He’s still able to play outside with his (new) buddies, and he is with a consistent person.
If you feel the need to speak with the director, then do so. It wouldn’t hurt, right?
Stacy | May 13th, 2009 at 7:59 am
The Mook attends a non-profit daycare centre run by a local college which also acts as a learning lab for ECE students. Students will spend 7-9 weeks at the centre for their practicum and then move on. Usually without too many tears from the kids but perhaps because they know that the students are there for a limited time.
For the regular teachers, some have been there as long as six years. I have some idea as to why they stay:
- having students on hand means they have an extra set of hands and eyes.
- they work in a unionized environment as college ’support staff’
- the pay is pretty good. The starting wage is about $22/hour
- they are loved and adored. By the kids and the parents. These teachers helped The Mook thru toilet training and transitioning from the toddler room to the preschool room. They understand and support our ‘two-home’ family and keep track of which parent is on duty that week.
But they also go the extra distance. They organize fundraisers throughout the year; the yard sale usually brings in $1400 which is put towards extra field trips for the summer.
Oh, the price for a full-time spot in the preschool/kindergarten room? Almost $1200/month. Worth every penny, but I can say that because I get a daycare subsidy, so I’m paying only $150 of that monthly cost.
Kristin - do the daycare workers have health benefits? That can be HUGE for retention!
Bad Mummy | May 13th, 2009 at 8:30 am
This is one of the reasons that we recently decided to keep our daughter at the home daycare she’s attended since she was an infant rather than switching her to a center/preschool. I know there are pros and cons for each, but for us, we decided that the consistent, caring relationship of the same adult over time is invaluable until she gets closer to school age.
I really wish there was some way to ensure better pay/benefits for early childhood workers while still balancing cost concerns for parents.
Robyn | May 13th, 2009 at 8:53 am
We’ve just started daycare (Kyle is only 3 months) but it would already kill me if this one particular teacher goes. She’s so sweet and, just as you said, Kyle seems to favor her and whoever he loves, I love. God, I have no idea how to stop the turnover rate. I was a daycare teacher for years, and it was always a temporary, while-in-school gig because of the awful pay. Possible silver lining? The attachment to my kids always motivated me to offer up babysitting services to spend extra time with these kids I loved and to earn money because I just plain needed it. Make sure you get her info and maybe you can stay in touch after she goes.
I still miss some of the kids I taught over four years later.
She Likes Purple | May 13th, 2009 at 8:57 am
My daughter has been at her daycare since the summer of 2007. The only person that is still there is the Director / Owner. It hasn’t bothered me too much because A) I know the pay sucks, otherwise I would do childcare and if these teachers are finding better jobs, then I say go for it. We all gotta feed our families. and B) The new teachers are always wonderful. The one or two that my daughter didn’t care for, didn’t last long. As long as they are hiring competent, loving people I’m okay with it.
My daughter doesn’t ever seem too distraught over the revolving teachers. We talk about it, agree that we will miss the teacher, and she moves on. She gets more upset when one of the kids stops going there.
The one thing I don’t get is with what us parents pay for daycare, and the number of children at each daycare why are the teachers getting paid peanuts and no benefits? It would be interesting to where all that money goes.
Erica | May 13th, 2009 at 9:35 am
My kids (4 & 2 now) have actually had teachers go and come back in the years they have been there. Some great ones have left and some mediocre ones have been there for the long haul.
Its very disconcerting, but I have always found consolation if there was at least one teacher who really cares about my kids. My son was lucky to have that when he was a baby and when I left him there I knew he was going to get lots of hugs and love. It was sad when she left (for a better daycare).
I try focus on the good that daycare give my kids vs. the stuff that drives me crazy. (TRY)
Renee | May 13th, 2009 at 11:25 am
“The one thing I don’t get is with what us parents pay for daycare, and the number of children at each daycare why are the teachers getting paid peanuts and no benefits? It would be interesting to where all that money goes.”
Insurance.
Dawn | May 13th, 2009 at 11:49 am
Kristin, I’m so sorry to hear that you’re losing such great providers. I work full time for the military and when we were weighing our options for day care when our daughter was born, one of them was family care here on base. I tried to get her in to the Child Development Center, but their waiting list is minimum two years!
After takling to some parents here who had placed their children in family day care, the consensus was that the care was generally excellent…until the military member of the family had to PCS (military for “move to a new base”). One woman had gone through three providers in less than two years and she told me that her child was getting anxious about day care these days, afraid that her next provider was going to leave her too. This was a single mom who had no choice when it came to daycare and family care was the best she could afford. When I asked what she was going to do next, she shrugged and said, “Find another family.” (She meant for care - not for herself! : ) )
Unfortunately, although in this case the care providers had no choice in whether or not they stayed, it sounds more and more like other private care centers are experiencing a similar turn around. (This from non-military parents in my neighborhood…we don’t live on base). I’m not sure that there is an answer…or an easy one, any way.
Phe | May 14th, 2009 at 5:12 am
This is timely–our daughter’s day care just announced yesterday that they are closing in six weeks. We are beside ourselves wondering how she is going to adjust to an all-new environment, not just a new teacher. She’s been there two years and it was absolutely wonderful, but they just can’t afford to stay in business unless they more than double tuition (which was not a great deal to begin with). It’s sad how undervalued child care is in our society.
Samantha | May 14th, 2009 at 9:44 am
Oh man! yes! My son’s favorite, Anabel, left awhile back and I really think this contributed to the few weeks we had recently of crying, tantruming drop-offs. Part of it was just his transition to the next age room — he left Anabel behind anyway — but he still saw his old teachers. I didn’t realize she’d left until after he got adjusted again — I just thought she was on a different shift — but I really think that had a lot to do with it.
Hillary | May 14th, 2009 at 11:23 am
I didn’t have this issue in daycare as we went to a home care but this year my daughter went through 3 classroom aides in the span of 4 months. After number two left she went from getting a B to D in reading. Now that we hav a stable one for the rest of the year, she jumped up to A.
It is awful to watch and there isn’t a solution (pay for aides is lousy too) except more pay. One woman noted their care was great because they were paid $22 an hour; but a parent can’t do that if they’re only making $30 an hour.
The backup child care provided by work is great; I’m sure they must be paid well like “Bad Mummy”s providers because the sr. teachers have been there the whole 5 years we’ve been going. But we can’t use that as regular care; so what can be done?
Mich | May 14th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
This is a societal issue. In this country, childcare workers are paid terribly; when I was a young adult and working in various childcare and preschool assistant jobs, I was paid less than a friend who bussed tables at the country club. My full-time supervisor at one preschool, a certified preschool teacher, made less than $20,000 a year. The aids at my daughter’s current preschool make $10/hour.
There is no way we can expect consistent, high-quality care if we continue as a society to devalue childcare to such an extent that people can’t afford to stay in this profession.
It’s a shame. I don’t have any answers, but I do know it’s not just your son’s daycare, nor is it just the current times. This is a chronic problem in the U.S.
Shannon | May 14th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
Everyone is saying how it’s horrible that childcare is undervalued… but WE are the ones who are “undervaluing” it! We are the consumers, and we are the ones who pay the fees. At the same time, however, most of us really can’t afford to pay much more than what we are paying now anyway. It’s a catch-22.
Anyone have any ideas to solve it?
Robyn | May 15th, 2009 at 8:48 am
We had a similar issue at my son’s daycare last summer. So much turnover; just as he was becoming attached to the caregivers. I had another baby in October and were debating keeping him in part-time, but with the turn-over we decided our money would be better spent elsewhere. Next Fall seems around the corner and I have to figure out the child care dilemma again, but for two! Maybe publicly funded childcare is part of the solution?
Rebecca | May 16th, 2009 at 8:24 am
Yes, we’ve been through this with both kids now and it STINKS. There really isn’t much you can do and the best ones will eventually move on. You just have to have faith in the hiring practices of the daycare that brought such a great childcare provider to your son in the first place!
Miss Britt | May 18th, 2009 at 3:41 pm
Yes I have. I had 4 nannies the first year of my son’s life. And, I was lucky as there are horror stories I’ve heard about neglect and other such things.
If you’re spending over $700 a month, you might want to consider other options…
- a nanny share with one or two parents/families
- a home child care. Apparently, there are state inspected homes where they have a small number of children and the people who work there, live there. The state does surprise inspections. We looked into this and was about to do it when my aunt volunteered to help.
- Rotating responsibilities with other stay at home mothers. I’ve heard this works pretty well.
Good luck!
Yin Chang | May 18th, 2009 at 7:38 pm
I hear you on this one! My 3 yr old son has been in daycare since he was 9 months old, and the revolving cast of charactgers has seemed endless sometimes. I removed my son from his previous daycare for this exact reason (coupled with a few other things like safety).
Yes the pay stinks, however, teachers in most areas are generally underpaid - preschool is no different in that respect. Teachers don’t usually get into the profession because its lucrative. (Speaking as the child of two teachers with over 30 years each experience). That said, as expensive as daycare/preschool is already, higher pay is one of the only ways to retain staff -much like any other business. That puts us moms in a crunch - can’t afford to pay more, but can’t afford not to have daycare.
Kids are surprisingly resilient, you know that. Nolan will get over losing Rosie eventually, just like my Sean got over losing Miss Kristen. Loss is part of life; maybe its better they be introduced to it this way? I would encourage you to speak to the director since you feel so strongly. If she is worth her salt, she will acknowledge and address your concerns. If the rotating door seems to be too frequent (& the newbies seem questionable), it might be time to start looking at some other places. Good luck to you both!
Mama K | May 19th, 2009 at 7:58 am
YES< YES< YES. Has happened numerous times, also at a private daycare, in different classes. His first favorite teacher left to be a nanny (more money). The next one left (same classroom, two months later) to go to grad school (so she could make more money). The most recent favorite left because she had her own child and the school not only pays its teachers cr@p but ALSO gives them zero discount to send their own kids to that daycare, so there’s no way unless one of them marries Donald Trump that they could come back after giving birth. So frustrating. My son deals with it better than I do–somehow they just go with the flow, you know? I was heartbroken about each one, but he wasn’t too upset. Even if you COULD get the parents together to pay the teacher extra to stay, I’m certain the school wouldn’t allow it. It just sucks all around, but your son will probably be fine. good luck with the transition. No matter how attached your son is, I’m sure it will be YOU needing your blankie and stuffed animal on Rosie’s last day
momtrolfreak | May 23rd, 2009 at 11:15 pm
I have just started my son in daycare at 12 weeks old, and so far he loves the people there — I DREAD the moment when one of them has to leave, but given what I pay and the child/carer ratio they must be on a very low salary.
There is one “easy” way of solving this problem, but it isn’t very popular politically in this country: increase income tax by a tiny amount across the board, and have means-tested federal government subsidies for child care. Also, paid maternity leave.
There is a reason why the situation is so much better and easier for working mommies in Europe
But, this is a long slow process and other than a cultural change which would allow this kind of political progress I don’t see any way of us improving the situation on the ground.
Beth | May 28th, 2009 at 1:34 pm