Single Mom at Work
with Jennifer Mattern
Feeling singled out? Get singled in with me: single mom, two kids, zero disposable income. Sometimes, life just sidles off in your preferred direction without you, and it takes a while to wrench your heel out of the sewer grate and catch up. Let's talk, sistas.
Find out more about my street cred at Breed 'Em and Weep.
I used to fancy myself as a bit of a world traveller. I’ve trekked deep into the hills of Northern Thailand to learn about rural tribes. I’ve negotiated solo train trips from Portugal back up to the Netherlands. I’ve delighted in the lights of Paris, the unexpected beauty of Budapest, the history of Dublin. I used to believe firmly that when I became staid, placid in my home - that was the time that I really needed to travel. From the ages of 22 through 29, I experienced and learned from the people of more than 30 countries. From the age of 29 to now, I’ve only traveled to the United States. For work.
This isn’t coincidence, of course. My last real international trip was in November of 2004, a beach soaked two weeks in Belize with my best friend. I had an incident involving my purse, and the consequent loss of my birth control pills and, though I didn’t realize it until months later, I became pregnant with Nolan the day I returned home from La Isla Bonita.
Exploring the International School of Babyhood, Toddlerhood, and Preschool solo has led me to a whole new kind of world. It’s an insular world - and it doesn’t involve fresh Dutch cheese or Belgian chocolates — but it’s so insanely bizarre and fascinating –and filled with such highs and lows, that for almost four years I’ve been able to put my travel addiction on the back burner.
But now, Nolan is reaching the age where he’d be OK to spend a week and a half with his Dad, or a week with his grandparents. I am at the age where I want to see the hard bits of the world before I get old.
I know, the economy is in ruins (but I think it is heading up!) - and now is not the time for a vacation, really - but you know what? I need one, badly.
I’ve taken on some additional freelance work and I’m saving my pennies. It’s between India, Laos, and Chile. One week and a half: maybe just me, maybe me and a friend.
Everyone deserves a vacation, but no one more than a single Mama. Can you take a vacation just for yourself this summer? Will you?
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I can’t and wouldn’t if I could. I miss my days of international and inerstate travel only occasionally - but now, even if I wanted to, we couldn’t take a vacation unless it involved camping or visiting my family.
Our daughter is still so young that, like you, my desire to travel has been supplanted by the fascination of traveling into her world - with all of it’s bizarre twists and turns.
Phe | June 4th, 2009 at 6:12 am
Not a single mama but I’d do it in a heartbeat if I could. A week or so on my own, exploring a new place? Oh yeah. I can’t identify with folks who squash this desire altogether after having kids–I sometimes ask myself, is [whatever activity] something I’d want my own child to feel as if he’s able to do when he’s older and has children of his own? Or is the adventurous, still-doing-things-for-yourself part of life just completely over once you’re a parent? I know what I want the answer to be.
Linda | June 4th, 2009 at 9:33 am
I would if I could. It’s difficult to find someone to go with me. All my friends are married and can’t/won’t go and I really don’t have the balls to go by myself. Money is also an issue but gosh, I would love to get a way for a bit!
Christine | June 4th, 2009 at 11:59 am
Unfortunately (or fortunately?) I got pregnant right out of college, so I haven’t yet had a chance to do any travelling. However, I will still be young when he is older, and I hope to make up for it then. In the meantime, l am single, so lack a childcare and funds prohibit any international travel, but I am taking a 5 day trip to Vegas this month. DS overheard me talking about the arrangements for his care while I am gone and quickly told me “no, you not go! You stay here with me!” Now I feel totally guilty, and i just hope I can enjoy myself while I am gone!
Nikki | June 4th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
This year just trips to see family, but next year I’m considering Germany for the Passion Play. She’s now into sleepover parties and has been away from me for several days due to a couple of work trips, so she could survive a week with her dad (both grandmas have offered their support).
I can’t imagine traipsing through the more difficult areas of the world at this point, but Germany, Ich spreche Deutsches wenig, so it would be more comfortable to me (I’m not much for uncomfortable travel) and since the play occurs only every 10 years, don’t want to put it off too long!
Mich | June 5th, 2009 at 8:53 am
If I do any international travel in the next 16 years, I hope it will be with my kids. At 2.5 they are already fairly good at traveling and pretty low-maintenance. But there is a lot to do and see in the US, and considering the uncertainties of things like bathrooms and palateable foods in foreign countries (not to mention the cost of plane tickets), I think it will be at least another year or two before we venture across the border. After that, it depends on the economy and the global political climate. We hope to make a trip to their birth country and to India (where I have many friends) before too many years pass.
SKL | June 5th, 2009 at 10:00 am
I can, and I am! I’m heading to Chicago this summer and I am ‘going’ with a notoriously flaky friend. Which means I’ll be there alone (which I am so excited about). The thought of being able to go somewhere and do what I want (and not in between conference sessions) is thrilling to me!
Gabrielle | June 8th, 2009 at 2:11 pm
“But now, Nolan is reaching the age where he’d be OK to spend a week and a half with his Dad, or a week with his grandparents.”
Now I feel like a horrible Mum - I left Orion with his Dad for a week or even two weeks, every few months for two years while Fred and I were long-distance and visiting each other whenever we could snatch the time. ;o)
We just got back from a week’s holiday to Norway to visit his parents. We’re talking about taking a week in Cornwall later on in the summer, but of course for both of those we go with Orion in tow.
Anji | June 11th, 2009 at 11:13 am