Single Mom at Work
with Jennifer Mattern
Feeling singled out? Get singled in with me: single mom, two kids, zero disposable income. Sometimes, life just sidles off in your preferred direction without you, and it takes a while to wrench your heel out of the sewer grate and catch up. Let's talk, sistas.
Find out more about my street cred at Breed 'Em and Weep.
Hey, everybody! I’m Jenn, from over at Breed ‘Em and Weep, and I am thrilled and honored to be taking over here for the wonderful Kristin (and the lovely Trace of Sweetney, who was supposed to be taking over) at Single Mom at Work. I am still officially single enough to get to write in this space each week, pretending like I know what the heck is going on, while in actuality, I’m really quizzing you nice folks in hope of gleaning some wisdom.
What can I tell you about myself? If we haven’t met before, I can tell you that my life as a pretty newly single mama is OH-SO FAB-U-LOH-SO! I wake up every day, rarin’ to go! I slide into my red stilettos and plop a warm three-course breakfast in front of my perfectly coiffed offspring! In no time at all, we’re laughing and on our way, discussing astronomy, Freud, and the Seven Natural Wonders of the World! What former life?
Okay, so maybe it’s not so pretty, upon first (real) glance, as you might be able to tell by the name of my other blog, Breed ‘Em and Weep. Me: Living the Great American Scream. Single, with pretty cranky kids, 8 and 6. Currently, an out-of-work writer on the skids. Suddenly sportin’ thighs that can crush lawn furniture and trash-can lids. Like the chick in the famous cheap perfume ad, I used to bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never, ever forgot what a woman I…yeah, that ad.
Now? Honestly, I do cry in the bacon aisle, I lost all my pans in the divorce, and I think I may just be a dude because I laugh too hard at Seth Rogen movies. And, apparently, those children scratching each other’s eyes out in the next room, over a Polly Pockets shoe — wait for it, wait for it — they’re mine. My achey-breaky-heart doesn’t have a catchy melody or a cute line dance to go with it. But over here, I’ve got real talk for real single mamas. It takes a lot to adjust to co-parenting. That’s if you’re lucky enough to be co-parenting. This is just my world: It takes a lot to thaw out a heart that loved someone so deeply it was convinced that that “I do” was forever. The thought of finding someone new…and the thought of welcoming that person into your life with your kids? Well, all of this deserves the kind of curl-up-on-a-couch, confessional talk that your best galpals can provide. But not everybody has single galpals anymore.
You might have a completely different “single” experience. I’d love to hear about it.
At Single Mom at Work — as you know — we may be roughing it, but we’re not alone. Which is good news, especially for me. I’m a real single mom at work: that is to say, under serious construction. I believe sometimes life just sidles off in our preferred direction without us, and it takes a while to wrench our heels out of the sewer grate and plop ‘em back down on the sidewalk. So let’s talk about getting back on track — or finding a new track altogether.
I’m all about real messy work (and no work), real messy kids, real messy single. What are you all about, these days? Got a single-mama survival question? Debating a down-and-dirty dating dilemma? On the hunt for the perfect felted, appliqued wallet to hold those food stamps? Let’s work it out, sistas. I see you. I hear you. I got your back. We’re all in this together — except maybe for the gorgeously happy people flying first-class to Cannes, right overhead, and packing in escargots and truffles with their French lovers. They’ve got their own blog, someplace.
So it’s all good. Or at least, it will be. Someday.
Hope is the new black, baby, and it sure looks nice on you.
Liking you and puttin’ a ring on it,
Jenn
Coming over here from BEAW - Yay Jen!
AmyT | November 4th, 2009 at 9:35 am
Welcome to the team, Jenn!
Angella | November 4th, 2009 at 10:34 am
Well hello there, Mama! Cannes is over-rated. I’m glad you are hanging here with us instead
Daffodil Campbell | November 4th, 2009 at 10:42 am
Welcome Jenn! I have those same shoes in black!
Looking forward to reading more stories from you.
xoxoxo and mac & cheese
L
Lorrian | November 4th, 2009 at 10:45 am
Double the Jenn? That’s way hotter than a Seth Rogen movie.
Michelle from Iowa | November 4th, 2009 at 10:52 am
I’m not single, but I am a working momma, so I like to read this perspective. Welcome!
Kristen | November 4th, 2009 at 10:58 am
Nice to meet you!
For me, my “single mom-full time working status” seems to go in a vicious cycle:
Step 1. I’m on top of the world, and can accomplish ANYTHING.
Step 2. Oh crap! I’m starting to sink
Step 3. I really wish I wasn’t going through this sans a bf/husband
Step 4. Why me?
Step 5. Light at the end of the tunnel, start over at step 1.
….as selfish as this sounds, it’s good to know that as much as I feel alone, there are other single working mom’s out there who can relate with me!
Stacy | November 4th, 2009 at 10:58 am
Yay!
swistle | November 4th, 2009 at 11:08 am
“Hope is the new black.” I like it.
Rachel Barenblat | November 4th, 2009 at 11:15 am
Well, Jenn, I love to see you and am glad to follow you to this website (which I’ve never seen! - great site!)
Elizabeth | November 4th, 2009 at 11:21 am
Hooray, another outlet for the mighty pen (keys?) of Jenn! Can’t wait to supplement my BEAW reading with your posts here. Congrats on the new gig!
susan | November 4th, 2009 at 11:27 am
WOOOT! I think I love you already, kid. So glad someone’s writing in this spot again…and also glad it’s YOU!
Just me | November 4th, 2009 at 11:30 am
Following you over from BEAW…not a single mom, but a full-time student mom of 3 who loves your writing and is rooting for you, and for all of us, to maintain sanity, keep hoping, and even learn that’s it’s okay to be a leetle bit selfish sometimes.
Amy | November 4th, 2009 at 11:31 am
So happy to see you over here, Jenn. I’ll read anything you write. Even though I’m not single (but sometimes wish I were), I love your original take on life. Work It, Mom did good bringing you on.
All Adither | November 4th, 2009 at 11:37 am
Good stuff Jen! Can’t wait to read more! (Is it OK for me to weigh in on the conversation sometimes too? I don’t have kids, but I do identify with that “what happened to that forever love marriage” question.) I’m 40, divorced for four years, and still trying to figure out what it means to be in a relationship now!
Deanna | November 4th, 2009 at 11:40 am
Are you kidding? I want everybody to comment—single, married, knocked up, allergic to kids, out of work, in love, out of love, never wanted kids, always wanted them but couldn’t have them, wanted to be single, hating being single—you name it.
All I can do is scribble a little from my point of view to get the discussion going. I’d love to know what your world looks like. Yeah, you there, with the coffee/tea/water stain in front of you. Hi. Hey. You.
Jenn | November 4th, 2009 at 11:45 am
Yay for the new gig, richly deserved! Well done you
Rachel | November 4th, 2009 at 12:03 pm
Hope IS the new black.
Thrilled to see you here.
Tess | November 4th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
Actually am truly happy I DON’T co-parent. I make the decisions and don’t have to argue with anyone about them. But looking forward to hearing more from you.
Been lamenting the hole in this space. Glad to see it filled!
Mich | November 4th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
OH MAH GAWD!
This is a writing gig?!?!?! SWEEEEEEEET!!!!!
I hope this is the beginning of your genius-warrior status going global!
WOOOOOOT!
Please remember the little(polar bear) people who loved you waaaaay-back when……who still love you and are soooo damn PROUD. I’ll be here and there back at the house of BEAW wishing you well.
With respect for yo mad single mutha skills.
Love Rooooo
Roooo | November 4th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
jenny, baby! how lucky are we to be allowed to read you someplace else!
you go, mama! we got your back too.
xoxoxol
Lisa | November 4th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
how cool! looking forward to reading more of your writing
tina | November 4th, 2009 at 3:42 pm
Awesome to see you here, Jenn! Keep it up!
Nicole | November 4th, 2009 at 4:41 pm
Yay Jenn! So glad to see you here… and I am poaching “hope is the new black” - I need a line like that!
J.W.O | November 4th, 2009 at 5:04 pm
Jenn! So glad to be able to read you here, too! Go you!!!!!!
Meghan | November 4th, 2009 at 5:32 pm
Followed you on over to here - and Yay, you for the new gig!
Bethany | November 4th, 2009 at 5:52 pm
Whoopee! I like your new gig. Glad to hear everyone is welcome.
Alexandra | November 4th, 2009 at 6:09 pm
Congratulations!! So delighted to see you here. I’m not a mom (yet…though am a soon-to-be-stepmom) but I relish any and all chances to read your writing. I’ll be back!
aym | November 4th, 2009 at 7:19 pm
Jenn,
I’m thrilled that you are on this site. I think that you’ll add a lovely poetic note to this dance we all do - whether we have partners at the moment or not.
Congratulations on your new gig!
Lisse | November 4th, 2009 at 7:26 pm
Welcome, Jenn! I’m a big fan, and so excited to be able to read you here at WIM!
Lylah | November 4th, 2009 at 8:48 pm
Yay! Welcome! So glad to have this blog pop up in my reader again and always glad to get to know a new Single Mommy Blogger! LOVED your first post, can’t wait to see what’s next! Welcome again!
Erin | November 4th, 2009 at 9:59 pm
So glad to see this with your name on it. Lots of us cheering for you and doing happy dances for you with foxy red shoes!
rachel | November 5th, 2009 at 12:10 am
SO THRILLED to see Jenn here! What a great addition to the Work It Mom group.
Cannot wait to read more.
Momsy | November 5th, 2009 at 8:24 am
So looking forward to readng your posts. I’m only sorry I’m not part of your target audience!
patois | November 5th, 2009 at 8:28 am
HOORAY for Jenn! What a perfect addition to this site. Love it.
Amy | November 5th, 2009 at 8:35 am
Welcome!! I totally identified with every single line of that post.
Wondering how I got here….how I’m going to get to a better place…before my 2 kids (7 and 5) kill each other.
C.
Cheryl | November 5th, 2009 at 9:45 am
Well done! Sorry…that’s all I have time for because I have to catch my plane and eat snails and get my flying buttresses over to Notre Dame. Au Revoir!
Vikki | November 5th, 2009 at 9:53 am
You kick ass and I’m SO SO SO excited for you, and to get to read you over here. SKOOL ME, MAMA!
xoxoxo
Sweetney | November 5th, 2009 at 9:58 am
I’m new in town and this a refreshing read for me as a fellow single mother! I look forward to reading your entries!
bev | November 5th, 2009 at 10:02 am
So glad you’re here. I’m on the same plan Stacy is, going from on top of the world to light at the end of the tunnel in 5 easy steps! I’m a single mom, co-parenting one son, and raising the other on my own. Same father, but he threw one out, long story.
Anyway, glad to see you here and add to my BEAW-Jenn fix.
Kar | November 5th, 2009 at 10:29 am
Aww, yeah, awesome first column. Can’t wait to keep reading you!
Kristin Darguzas | November 5th, 2009 at 11:31 am
So happy for you and your new gig! I’ll follow you anywhere you’re writing. Bring it on baby, and dazzle ‘em!
nono | November 5th, 2009 at 2:45 pm
I am so excited to see your new gig! Perfect timing as I just recently became a single mom - again. It is a whole new kind of awkward dynamic to work out the relationship between your son and his former step-dad when already co-parenting with his dad. I’ll be intrigued to follow along with this blog & hear other perspectives.
Alison | November 5th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
Will follow you anywhere!
anonymom | November 5th, 2009 at 5:52 pm
Good to see you’re keeping that wit honed razor-sharp, Jenn. Messy cleans up nicely.
Steve | November 5th, 2009 at 7:19 pm
Hi Jenn! Lovely first post. As a loyal follower of BEAW, I look forward to following you here as well. Break a leg and all that, but as a fan of the maudlin poetry, don’t forget us over on the other blog, lol!.
Yvonne | November 5th, 2009 at 7:36 pm
Congrats on the new writing gig! Already subscribed to your posts and looking forward to getting my Jenn/BEAW fix twice over!!
Caro | November 5th, 2009 at 9:19 pm
*whispering* I’m married.
*shouting* YAY Jenn!! I would happily read your shopping lists. I’ll be visiting here now as well as BEAW.
xxxx
Kirsty | November 6th, 2009 at 1:59 am
Right on, Jenn. Right on.
Jenertia | November 6th, 2009 at 8:46 am
Coming over from BEAW! Looking forward to hearing your voice here.
Julie | November 6th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
Yeah, Jenn! So glad to see you at your new writing digs!
Professional Critic | November 8th, 2009 at 1:59 pm
I love Jen Mattern!! Great to see her in this column. I will be checking your site frequently because of this!! Yay!
Robin | November 8th, 2009 at 3:10 pm
Yay! This assignment is full of WIN for both Jenn and Work It, Mom!
Sumo | November 8th, 2009 at 11:34 pm
Woot! Woot! You go, girl!!!
Mater Inter Alia | November 9th, 2009 at 10:56 pm
I love Jenn Mattern, too! Been reading BEAW for a looong time. So glad to see you here, Jenn, and I’ll be checking in here to read!
Soozez | November 10th, 2009 at 12:51 am
Happy to follow you here, Jenn! I wish I’d had these blog communities when my kids were small…. we didn’t even own a computer. My single Mum raised two daughters alone in the 1950’s and 60’s. It wasn’t easy, but how we enjoyed her independence!
janet | November 10th, 2009 at 6:51 am
Well Jenn, I’m a married mom at home, but I love you- so I’m here, reading. Congrats! I can’t wait to read more…
Katie | November 10th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
So excited to check our your new digs. Brew me a cup of tea, will ya? Can’t wait to chat more.
Mrs. Q. | November 10th, 2009 at 5:56 pm
OMG! You described my life so well!!! I am still heartbroken, no with the father of my child, but, the person who promised me the world and gave me NOTHING, well….not tnothing he gave me the mess that I am now, he is one of the main factors of my separation with the father of my son, who I am still legally married, but, I don’t love him anymore, I used to, until he cheated on me. Glad to find this site! It feels good to know that I am not alone!!!
Vanessa | November 12th, 2009 at 10:47 am
hahah I can bring home the bacon fry it up in a pan… Wow I used to run around singing this when i was little girl Do you think this why I am single mom of twins now??? Its very scary maybe its like what the book The secret says the universe hears what you say and wish for but I was really little 5 or 6, and so I did not wish to predict my future. Anyway any ideas how to get rid of the self pity instantly and for good?? and Why do I think if I find a partner I will be able to forgive m y ex? What do I teach my children about marriage and am I wrong in thinking it takes two to ruin end a marriage so am i still looking for myself to blame when all i did was love my husband.. maybe thats it I loved him too much…..wanted a perfect home, life, world for the children we were to raise together under one roof. This coparenting does not make sense to me it hurts more…do my kids feel this pain. oh man just get over this.. i keep saying over and over, and over ….impossible to erase memories.. make new ones but I cant.. well peace and love to all my sista’s and nieces and nephews who deserve only love so they will grow up healthy, beautiful, and strong, and realistic.. no fairy tales, no covering the sun with a thumb…
could ya be couldya be could ya be love | November 15th, 2009 at 10:54 pm